We have never looked forward to anything like we have this episode of television.
All week we’ve been stopping people on the street and standing too close to their faces while yelling: “SUNDAY AND MONDAY WILL BE THE BEST TWO NIGHTS OF TELEVISION THIS COUNTRY HAS EVER SEEN DO YOU UNDERSTAND?”
We then whispered, “It will be like the royal wedding, but dirtier…” before finding someone else to alert.
How does one calm oneself when we know a drink is thrown and our darling Cyrell is held back from murdering a woman?
We open on MEL who speaks exclusively in SHOUTING and goodness how we’ve missed you.
All she wants is the gossip. Her eyes are frantic as she salivates repeating the line, “Ijustwanttoknow.”
We just want to know too, sweetie.
And she's had her hair curled so that she looks nice when she's throwing fruit bowls (that she brought in her wheelie bag) at people.
"I'm very passionate with certain things, I've noticed," she says contemplatively and yes, Cyrell, we've all noticed.
But now we cut to ex-virgin Matt and and holy sh*t we forgot you existed until this very moment.