The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 28: The confrontation we've all been waiting for.

March 13, 2019

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Well. You know who’s not okay?

Billy.

He regrets the time he snapped and yelled at two grown women in public for befriending a demon who he was then forced to marry. He also regrets the confrontation he had with his wife Susie, which involved inexplicably finishing every sentence with “MY DEAR.”

His delivery was… appalling. But most of all the confrontation was deeply unsatisfying because Billy kept mucking up his words and before he got the chance to properly make his point Susie politely asked him to leave.

billy mafs — Producer: What on earth is wrong with this man.

Meanwhile, Mick wants nothing more than to escape his current hostage situation.

"They say the best thing about Perth is the flight out," he says, and mate let's not go insulting entire cities just because your wife is cheating on you with a man we've never heard complete a sentence.

But pause.

We'd like to apologise for the fact that during last night's screening of Basketball Diaries, we missed a crucial scene. Yes, Ivan did throw a basketball at Nic in a way that we would deem petty and aggressive. It struck his upper left arm and we speculate it would have hurt about a 6/10.

nic mafs — I wonder where Cyrell got the idea to throw a fruit bowl.

Clare and Jessie Stephens

March 13, 2019

The Royal Death That Has Divided The World

The Spill

You see, we were distracted by Ivan missing his undefended layup in his Lakers jersey, just after threatening Nic on a suburban basketball court.

Ever since, Nic has been back at their Sydney apartment, rubbing his bruised left arm and coming to terms with the reality that while he misses his wife, her family poses a legitimate threat to his safety and/or psychological wellbeing.

SHHHHHHHH IT'S TIME FOR THE DINNER PARTY AND CYRELL IS READY TO BREAK SOME SHIT.

"John Aiken made me pay for the last one."

In the taxi on the way Cyrell says, "Whatever comes into ma head I'm gonna say it!" and yes pls Cyrell we would like that very much.

She's very fired up which is confusing given that no one has... done anything yet but we appreciate her enthusiasm.

Once Cyrell arrives she starts repeatedly referring to herself as CYCLONE CYRELL and we need to not describe grown women as catastrophic natural disasters (even when the comparison is shockingly accurate).

John Aiken immediately starts shaking his head because, as we all know, Cyrell is on a good behaviour bond and tonight she definitely plans on breaking it. Numerous times.

When Nic arrives he remarks that Cyrell almost seems... too happy... now that they've broken up, but Cyrell isn't listening because she's sniffin'. For gossip.

Now that her and Nic are done she can finally be her true self and throw fruit bowls unreservedly at unsuspecting women in face masks.

Tonight, Cyclone Cyrell doesn't like Jess, who is pretending that she had a great home stay, even though Mick keeps asking people if they'll call triple zero for him because he's being held against his will.

"IF YOU REALLY WANTED YOUR MARRIAGE TO WORK," Cyrell yells in an otherwise civil conversation, "YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TOLD ME YOU WANTED TO F*CK DAN."

Oh.

Indeed she wouldn't have.

Out of the corner of our eyes we see Mick arrive, and he's in a... suit.

It's very clear what has happened.

The petrol station thongs he wore last week have given him tinea (which we predicted). Of the toes. And now the doctor has said he must wear enclosed shoes at all times to protect other patrons.

mick mafs — "Whatever was on my thongs was 100 per cent alive."

Martha starts telling him about the homeless man who came last week and how he stayed for the entire dinner. Mick just nods, curious as to why he seems to be the only one who didn't notice the homeless man.

(You were the homeless man, Mick.)

When asked about his home visit, Billy talks up his confrontation with Susie and her friends, strategically leaving out the part where he a) stumbled over his words b) yelled "MY DEAR" intermittently and c) came back for his protein powder.

At the dinner table, Nic tries to tell Cyrell how much he has missed her, and how he only left her house because Ivan threw a basketball at him etc.

But Cyrell isn't listening.

Because she can see something.

Jess is flirting with Dan. They're having sexy conversations about things like whether or not they like popcorn outside a cinema setting.

Cyclone. Cyrell. Don't. Like. It.

Jess tells the camera that she needs to be "selfless for myself" and sweetie are you having a stroke.

She follows Dan to the cheatin' corner where they both repeat the extent to which they're not cheaters etc. before Dan suggests they go on a nice date.

Pause.

You're married.

Continue.

Mid conversation Dan grabs Jess by the back of her head and just starts kissing her and excuse us CYRELL HAS HER CALCULATOR OUT AND HAS DETERMINED THAT TWO PEOPLE ARE MISSING.

When Jess returns, Cyrell takes her aside to yell at her on behalf of Mick who detached himself, mentally, from this planet two weeks ago.

"You're here for the wrong reasons," Cyrell shouts, explaining that if Jess wanted to make it work with Mick, she wouldn't be trying to sleep with Dan and goodness this woman is the next Dr Phil.

"I'm not having this conversation," Jess says before walking off but Cyclone. Cyrell. Is. Not. Finished. Yet.

Cyrell announces to the whole group that Jess said last week she wanted to sleep with Dan, and Cyrell we thank you for your service.

Tamara pulls Jess aside to talk about the whole 'you want to have sex with my husband and I've seen you try at the dinner party' situation but all Jess wants to talk about is her exciting new crush.

"How are you feeling towards Dan.. like are your happy with him?" she asks Tamara, hoping maybe she can have Dan. As a present.

"Are you asking because you want to make a move on him?" Tamara responds and like... yes obviously?

UNTIL NEXT WEEK... #fruitbowlsoutforcyrell

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Catch up on all our recaps, right here:

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 27: A grown man just snapped on national television.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 26: One woman's family throws out a groom.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 25: Jessika. You need to go home.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 24: Two people just cheated and... hang on.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 23: The off-handed comment that ruined a relationship.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 22: Oh. We didn't know there was anyone crueler than Ines.