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The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 20: Jessika. What the HELL.

To catch up on all the Married at First Sight 2019 recaps and gossip, check out the Twins recaps and visit our MAFS hub page.

We open on Tamara and Dan declaring that, yes, they had sexual intercourse last night, and the producers are significantly overestimating how much we care.

“She really opened up,” Dan tells us and yeah we bet she did.

Expert Trish has been waiting in the shadows for weeks to shout the word ‘OXYTOCIN’ and pretends she likes sex talk for the science and not because she’s dirty AF.

Meanwhile, our seven other couples are clearly bored out of their minds because it’s been a month now and what do you do all day? 

No, seriously?

britney gif
You have A LOT of time. And you achieve...nothing.

Mick decides to confront Jessika about the Commitment Ceremony, where she a little bit accused him of being a sexual predator in front of all his friends and also the nation, and we have no idea why it has taken him almost a week to broach that issue.

The conversation goes as follows:

Mick: Y DON'T U WANT TO KISS ME

Burps.

Mick: Y CAN'T WE HAVE MORE SEX.

Farts. 

Mick: GIMME A CUDDLE.

Is covered in egg. 

mick
"Nah mate my bowel isn't right it's no laughing matter."
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This is why, Mick. This. Is. Why.

Things aren't looking much better for Nic and Cyrell, who appear to have had the fruit bowls removed from both their apartments which feels excessive but also... fair.

Cyrell tells Nic that she apologised to Martha, even though she very much wanted to hit Martha (again) and Nic is proud.

STOP.

There's a scandal. And it involves Yelling Mel.

You see, Dino overheard Mel speaking to her sister on the phone and of course he did because MEL SPEAKS EXCLUSIVELY IN YELLING.

Apparently Mel said that she carries them as a couple, and holy sh*t that's so true.

"You know what? Forget I said anything."
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But it quickly gets... worse.

Dino recorded Mel's private conversation and sweetie, no.  We do not tape people speaking without their permission, mostly because of ethics but also a little bit because it's against the law. In most states. Including the one you're... in.

He explains he only recorded it because he wanted a... record, at which point Mel says "OHHH sorry I was confused," and gives him a cuddle.

Except that's not what happens at all. 

It has never been more appropriate for Yelling Mel to do a yell, and she shouts at Dino, "WHO RECORDS SOMEONE?"

If you listen closely you can hear Dino say under his breath, 'Dino does...' and you can't just lie dormant on this show for a month and then start breaking the law Dino it's too much all at once.

SHHH NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE DINNER PARTY AND BILLY IS DRESSED LIKE A MORMON.

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... Yes.

Kim Kardashian Martha is really anxious because she just knows people are going to bring up Jordyn and Tristan and the whole thing and it's been a lot for her. 

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"I hope she can act her age," Martha says about Cyrell, "and not like a zoo creature" and we think the word you're looking for is 'animal' but okay.

She ensures she arrives early so she can tell everyone about how Cyrell "trashed [her] apartment" and omg it was like one fruit bowl that had a rogue sweet potato in it.

martha
"I don't see how that's relevant but okay."

Pause.

Ning and Mark are our favourite couple now and no we don't know why.

Continue.

Cyrell and Nic show up and the experts reflect on how when Cyrell is "scared, she attacks". Physically. With her hands.

Martha takes Cyrell aside for a chat which we feel is... dangerous, and Cyrell not only chooses not to hit but says under her breath, "I love your dress it's pretty".

Sweetie we have never been so proud. 

Listen to our Married at First Sight recap podcast. Post continues below.

OH. It's the new couples and we almost forgot because we don't care.

"Who the f*ck is that," Jess asks and omg that's exactly what we said.

But then they notice Dan, and become, in Trish's words, 'aroused'.

Jesus.

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"Daddy, that is a meal not a snack," Martha says, and what language are you speaking who is daddy and the food hasn't arrived yet. 

At the dinner table, Mel is starting to explain that, yes, Dino broke the law this week, and has taken to recording her private conversations for his own personal collection.

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Dino wtf.

As Mel becomes more and more upset by the fact her husband is currently holding audio of her bitching about him hostage, the experts note that Dino is managing to stay very calm and YES THAT'S BECAUSE HE'S THE ONE WHO BROKE THE LAW, JOHN.

It's at this point we'd like to acknowledge that there are four new people at the table, being forced to watch Yelling Mel with no context confront her husband over the recordings he has of her and it's... a lot.

"They're in the final stages of exiting," John Aiken says, before expert Mel adds, "... the death rattle," which feels slightly hyperbolic given we're talking about a four week fake TV marriage but okay.

Cyrell comforts her friend Yelling Mel without assaulting her once and Nic congratulates her on being a very good friend.

But excuse us.

There's a predator in our midst and yes she's been drugged off the fumes of her husband's farts.

jessika mafs
"ND I'MA FEELIN' GOOB"
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Jessika takes Nic aside and announces that she has "developed some sort of feelings towards you," and, gurl. Have you... met Cyrell. Because she broke a... fruit bowl last night. And deep down she's not that sorry. 

Nothing is better than the series of weird sounds Nic proceeds to make, which basically equate to one long "Haaaaaauurrrggghhh".

cyrell
"Hahaha Cyrell is gonna stab you hahaha."

"I feel awkward I don’t know what to say HA HA," he says before composing himself and adding, "I'm still married and it's making me uncomfortable. It's not the right thing by Cyrell... these conversations, you shouldn't be having them," and NIC WE FCKN LOVE YOU.

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He evacuates the room speedily but Jessika has already spotted her new boyfriend.

She corners intruder Dan and starts shouting "UR HOT" which begs the question where is Mick. 

Oh. He's definitely in the shadows. Farting. By himself. But also giggling. Hehe.

Dan jokes that he's full of himself (we don't get it) and Jess says, "I'm sure I could blow a little more smoke up that ass," AND JESUS LADY THOSE FART FUMES ARE POTENT.

The experts are aghast and judgemental. 

"It's so sad to see..." John Aiken says and mate, at least she's at the party and not watching it from the cupboard.

Jess then begins to undress. Completely. At the table. And this is completely out of control.

Imagine if Dan knew he was flirting with someone who was high on fart fumes. 

Tamara starts to notice that another woman is undoing her dress while makin' jokes about her husband's butt hole, and tries to mention it to her husband - but it's too late.

He pretends not to notice and that's when you know things are real bad.

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"No... like she's watching us."

She decides to sit on Dan's lap with her back to Jessika, but Jessika is far too high to notice so just sits there smiling at Dan.

THIS SHOW IS BROKEN AND IT WAS NEVER WHOLE TO BEGIN WITH.

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UNTIL NEXT WEEK.

You can follow Clare and Jessie Stephens on Facebook OR join our 'Married at First Sight Lols' Facebook group, where we spend the majority of our time.

Catch up on all our recaps, right here:

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 19: The truth about Martha and Cyrell's fight.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 18: Can we be real about the intruders?

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 17: The biggest cheating scandal blew up and are we missing something?

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 16: Ines, you're about to get everything you deserve.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 15: The weird sex act that's divided the men and the women. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 14: An X-rated affair has everyone asking one question.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 13: The lie that's going to end in disaster. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 12: The sentence that broke Australia. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 11: The sex request that almost breaks Ex-Virgin Matt.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 10: This cheating scandal feels especially... mean. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 9: The commitment ceremony that came with a content warning.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 8: We finally know why Sam refused to contact his wife.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 7: We just watched a man lose his virginity on national TV.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 6: We have a shameful theory about the runaway groom. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 5: One man has concerns about his wife's weight and... no.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 4: The man who'd rather his woman not speak. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 3: A bride sabotages her own wedding and GURL.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 2: We need to talk about Ivan.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 1: A best man's speech just ruined an entire wedding.

And for more Married at First Sight 2019 recaps and gossip, visit our MAFS hub page. We've got you covered. 

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