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The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 33: Well. That's the best episode of TV we've ever watched.

To catch up on all the Married at First Sight 2019 recaps and gossip, check out the Twins recaps and visit our MAFS hub page.

Well. That’s the single best episode of television we’ve ever watched.

It's too much.
It's too much.

We're told that tonight will be the LAST COMMITMENT CEREMONY of the season and holy sh*t it feels like this show just started yesterday.

(No it doesn't)

Jess is very excited about tonight because she plans to break not one but two people.

"Hurting anyone's feelings goes completely against my morals," she says and we don't... believe you.

Meanwhile, in Mick's prison cell apartment, we're shown a glimpse of his card for tonight but unfortunately we're unclear on his decision.

mick-mafs
Mick, pls. Be clear.
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As Tamara is getting ready, she tells Dan, "I'm anxious about tonight," and Dan replies, "Yeah. That's fair. Fair enough..."

Because I'm going to announce my infidelity in front of all our friends but also the entire nation and it will be so sad for you. 

tam-and-dan
Dayuum.

HUSH NOW IT'S TIME.

Expert Trish has her leather pants on again making it three weeks in a row she's been dressed in what is frankly an unprofessional manner.

We're here to ruin lives, Trish. Not count down the minutes until we can go to our rock concert.

First up are Michael and Martha and Trish yells: "HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT MICHAEL RIGHT NOW."

We're not rushing the ceremony just so you can get out of here early, Trish.

They explain that while they like each other, they also live in different states which is SURELY SOMETHING TRAINED EXPERTS WOULD CONSIDER WHEN MATCHING TWO STRANGERS.

trish
"That was stupid to start dating then. Wasn't it?"
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The experts have precisely no advice and send them on their way.

Next are Ning and Mark and John Aiken opens with, "How was your week that was?" and sir... why are you speaking like Yoda.

Ning explains that they've had a tough week, and once they're out in the real world they won't be going to "dinner parties" all the time which is surely a good thing for any relationship.

Listen to the latest ep of our Married at First Sight recap podcast. Post continues...

She ultimately decides to leave and we single-handedly blame Jessika who should have been fruit-bowled a week ago.

John Aiken is partway through a stroke when Mark announces that he is staying because "we're not done".

Ning admits that she "looks at the negatives before the positives" and holy shit same.

It's time for Jules and Cam and no offence but... no.

We want Jess to make everyone cry already we have things to do (no we don't).

WHERE THE TEARS AT.
WHERE THE TEARS AT.
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As Heidi and Mike approach the couch, John Aiken's disdain is... immediate.

His unexplained resentment towards Heidi is becoming more and more pronounced, and as Mike explains that they've had a 'hiccup,' it takes everything John has not to yell: MAYBE IF HEIDI WOULD JUST SHUT THE F*CK UP.

But John Aiken knows that the tide has turned, and that his fellow experts as well as the entire country saw Mike's bad behaviour towards Jess at the dinner party. So it's no longer about targeting Heidi for her unrealistic expectations/standards, etc, but about criticising their communication. As a couple. Of which half is Heidi.

Sir.
Sir.
john aiken
Pls explain
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john aiken
Your vendetta against Heidi.

Both ultimately decide to stay, but as they're leaving Heidi says, "Can you fckn help us coz that's your job or do you have something else going on during the week?"

John mutters that he has a lot of Air Crash Investigation recorded, and Mel and Trish have Pilates most days so they're not really... free.

Meanwhile, Dan is sitting in the corner sweating like a cheatin' pig.

"I don't want too much controversy," he tells the camera and maybe you should have thought of that before you made a mockery of John Aiken's passion project idk idk.

But as Jessika and Mick sit on the couch, we immediately notice something.

It's Mick's feet.

mick jess
Por favor!
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Look. Perhaps we have been too critical of his thongs in the past. We all get in situations where we have no footwear and have to buy the ones at the petrol station (we don't). But tonight... tonight is different.

Mick is barefoot at a Commitment Ceremony that took Mel Schilling approximately 40 minutes to set up, and now he's getting his dirty feet on the furniture.

He tells the experts that he's been stuck "hanging out by myself in a city that I hate," and maybe if you wore shoes when you explored then it wouldn't be so awful. 

Finally, he reveals he has decided to leave, which he has written precisely 19 times on his card.

After three weeks of being held hostage, Jess also decides to leave.

mafs mick
YEEE BETSY.

Mick. Starts. Celebrating. The experts are filing their paperwork. Heidi is distracted by John Aiken mouthing rude words to her... when it happens.

"I came here to find someone," Jess says, "and I've found that. But it's not with Mick. It's with Dan."

giphy
IT'S HAPPENING.
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.............

................

"DID YOU JUST SAY,"  Mick yells and yes she did darling. 

As sirens go off in the background (??) Mick loses it.

"You made me STAY HERE BY MYSELF and look like an IDIOT. So you could play footsies and bloody flirt with him. You are the most selfish brat ever. You spoilt bitch," and yes, well, it would appear Mick is upset.

Given the lack of leadership from the experts, Heidi decides to host, and asks questions such as, "Did you kiss?" and "Is Tamara also just finding out now?"

Meanwhile, John Aiken is sobbing, saying quiet prayers to Channel Nine, while trying to ignore Trish who is quietly packing up her things to see if she can sneak out to her rock concert.

john aiken
"I'm humiliated."

Now is not the time, Trish. 

Tamara leaves the room, yelling about how Dan could have at least told her, and Ning follows, while Mick starts throwing things and secretly wishing Cyrell was still here.

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"Let me jump in now Mick, and just take control of the room," John Aiken says and MATE IT'S BEEN LIKE HALF AN HOUR WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN.

"The question begs, why did you keep Mick here?" he asks Jess and wait are you srs. We know... why. Sir.

Mick starts crying because John Aiken's question was so unspeakably dumb, while Jess decides that now would be a good time to tell everyone about how much she likes her new boyfriend, Dan.

Unfortunately no one can hear her... thoughts... over the sound of her current husband's audible sobs.

jessika mafs
"SHHH SAD MAN."

"Take a moment," John Aiken says and this man is going to need so much than a moment he is traumatised. 

Jess just speaks louder asking: "SO CAN DAN AND I ENTER AS A COUPLE NOW OR NO?"

Oh.

The experts tell Mick and Tamara to say their farewells aka GTFO so they can make a decision about whether the two people who have a) broken the rules, b) lied to their partners, and c) made a mockery of this entire spectacle, can stay in the experiment.

Trish definitely doesn't get a vote, so it's between Mel and John Aiken.

"Whose desert did you like best?" Trish asks and sweetie wrong show it's so confusing for you.

trish mafs
Literally no one knows how you still have a job here.
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The rest of the conversation goes as follows.

John: We've got to come back to what our roles are.

Trish: Wait. What are our roles?

John: We've got to decide what are we here to do in this experiment.

Mel:

No...

It becomes clear no one really knows why they're here, and ultimately they exchange a knowing glance. They're here for drama. But also gossip.

John Aiken tells the group that Jess and Dan will continue as a couple, "because if we were to intervene then it would cease being an experiment..."

This ceased being an experiment on day one when you broke precisely every principle upon which an experiment is based. 

UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT.

You can follow Clare and Jessie Stephens on Facebook OR join our 'Married at First Sight Lols' Facebook group, where we spend the majority of our time.

Catch up on all our recaps, right here:

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 32: The problem with Jess and Dan's secret pact.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 31: Jess just got next level mean.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 30: You don't break Cam and get away with it. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 29: We've never been so frustrated by a TV show.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 28: The confrontation we've all been waiting for.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 27: A grown man just snapped on national television.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 26: One woman's family throws out a groom.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 25: Jessika. You need to go home. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 24: Two people just cheated and... hang on.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 23: The off-handed comment that ruined a relationship.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 22: Oh. We didn't know there was anyone crueler than Ines. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 21: The commitment ceremony breaks a man.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 20: Jessika. What the HELL.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 19: The truth about Martha and Cyrell's fight.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 18: Can we be real about the intruders?

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 17: The biggest cheating scandal blew up and are we missing something?

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 16: Ines, you're about to get everything you deserve.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 15: The weird sex act that's divided the men and the women. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 14: An X-rated affair has everyone asking one question.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 13: The lie that's going to end in disaster. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 12: The sentence that broke Australia. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 11: The sex request that almost breaks Ex-Virgin Matt.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 10: This cheating scandal feels especially... mean. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 9: The commitment ceremony that came with a content warning.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 8: We finally know why Sam refused to contact his wife.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 7: We just watched a man lose his virginity on national TV.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 6: We have a shameful theory about the runaway groom. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 5: One man has concerns about his wife's weight and... no.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 4: The man who'd rather his woman not speak. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 3: A bride sabotages her own wedding and GURL.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 2: We need to talk about Ivan.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 1: A best man's speech just ruined an entire wedding.

And for more Married at First Sight 2019 recaps and gossip, visit our MAFS hub page. We've got you covered. 

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