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The Twins recap Married at First Sight: A dramatic final vows storm out.

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It's time for the final vows, and everyone's moving out which is sad because poor Cody is going to have to go back to his crackden.

Luckily, Selina has said he can come and stay at her house for a few days. The plan is for him to meet her parents for the first time, who will likely mutter "sweetie wtf", which would be helpful feedback. 

There's a great deal of suspense around whether or not Tamara and Brent will stay together - a couple who are not on speaking terms and who refuse to be within 100 metres of each other. Upon leaving, Brent explains that he cannot even bring himself to farewell Tamara and OMG HOW ARE WE MEANT TO WAIT A WHOLE HOUR TO SEE IF THEY END UP TOGETHER? WE CAN'T STAND IT. 

WhO cAn KnOw 4 sUrE? (Everyone) Anyway.


Cody is already knocking over Selina's property. So. 

He arrives at her home and somehow destroys her good luck frog and ffs Cody, get it together. 

Selina takes Cody to meet her mother, Teresa, and mate can you literally try to not create chaos for one afternoon. 

Teresa kindly explains that her husband Kim is "at a wedding today" which is not at all a true statement but we'll allow it. He is most definitely hiding. From all the commotion. Likely in the garage out the back. Perhaps with a television. Watching the darts. Like our dad would.

"He says he'd rather sit in a distant room. Alone." Cody offers to help Teresa bring cups of tea to the table, and just as Selina is telling the cameras that Cody is handling her mother's most precious china, he breaks them. 


By dropping them. On the floor. He dropped Teresa's special crockery on the floor and now they're all smashed, do you understand? 

Selina's mum tells the camera that him dropping s**t represents "how he is... clumsy" and yes, we'd agree. In a physical sense and also life-wise. 

"She took it like a champion," Cody tells the camera.

Narrator: She did not take it like a champion. She saw it as a... reflection. On your character. And how it says everything she needs to know about you. Which is that you go through life breaking people's cups.


Cody, the woman thinks you're an idiot. 

"Thanks for being cool about it lol" ."I'm not". Before Selina and Cody part ways, Cody announces that he has a gift. 

He gives Selina an adopted sea otter (not a physical one in a box - although we wouldn't put it past him) via a certificate, and two sea otter toys for them to each take home. Sea otters have apparently been a running joke of theirs throughout the experiment and okay fine Cody. You are forgiven for ransacking Teresa's home for no reason. 


For the next 30 minutes, we watch grown adults think, which makes us want to die. 

Tamara meets with a friend at a local restaurant to discuss her relationship issues, and the irony of her sitting inside a hospitality venue while declaring she still doesn't know what Brent does is profound. LOOK AROUND LADY. HE MANAGES THAT. 

Brent tells his mother that he has mixed emotions when it comes to Tamara, like there's anger and resentment, but on the other hand there's also hatred, contempt and disdain. 

"She's mean to me and dismissive. BUT SHE'S ALSO rude and hates my job." Brent's mum can see his conundrum (???) and suggests that maybe "f**k Tamara" which might be the best advice we've heard all season. 


Meanwhile, Jackson's mum thinks that Olivia holding grudges is "ringing alarm bells" and omg sweetie, you have no idea. 

She says she raised her kids to "pick their battles" and okay in Olivia's defence she also picks her battles, but she just happens to pick all of them. At once. So. 

IT'S TIME FOR OLIVIA AND JACKSON'S DECISIONS and they're attempting to create suspense which we respect and somewhat appreciate. 

Meeting in an undisclosed bush location that looks like somewhere you'd bury a body, Olivia declares "Jackson, I love you". 

"We're a team now. Speaking of, we're now running from police. Because of the murder." Jackson, who has been briefed to create a little tension, says that Olivia's snide comments have made him reconsider their relationship and "seeing you under the pressure of the experiment has not always brought out the best in you". 


Blah blah blah, he chooses to stay with Olivia even though sometimes she starts fights at dinner parties in polite company. 

NEXT are Tamara and Brent and Tamara reflects that the biggest lesson she's learned in this experiment is to respect hospitality staff be true to herself and, really? That's the biggest lesson you've learned? 


The pair don't greet each other which seems like a good sign. 

As Tamara begins to speak, we realise that this is not a final vows ceremony.

It is simply put: A Roast. Of one another.

"For your records xx" Tamara explains that Brent uses his "ego as a protective shield for insecurities in a relationship," and that being with him made her feel "homesick".


She decides to leave the relationship but adds "but be yourself, you're enough (except for ur job lol x)".

Brent's face says one thing and one thing only.

Hold my beer. 

He explains that her true colours showed when she became vindictive, spiteful and self absorbed, and that she lacks all the qualities he's looking for in a partner.

"You are not God's gift to humanity," he says, "so stop looking down on everyone". 

That's when he dramatically drops his palm cards to the ground, like a Year 7 public speaker who just won a tournament. 

He walks off into the wilderness, walking this way and then that way because he cannot remember where he left his car. 


For more MAFS commentary and lols, you can follow Clare and Jessie Stephens on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter

You can also listen to their comedy podcast, CANCELLED.  

You can read the previous MAFS recaps here:

Image: Nine Network. 

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