Hello! Before you start yelling, "WHERE ARE THE TWINS? WE CAME HERE FOR THE TWINS' RECAP, NOT SOME RANDOM PERSON", please know that the twins are absolutely fine. I have not taken them hostage, and instead they are in the middle of the Northern Territory with no access to wi-fi, which means they can't do the recap today. I know it's disappointing - it's like coming to watch a musical, only to find the star has had an accident and the understudy is on stage instead. But, fear not, the twins have had no accident and will be back recapping the next episode on Sunday.
Now, on with the show!
We open with upbeat music, so we know everything is going to end horribly.
For some reason we're STILL here at this retreat and all we want to do is go to the dinner party so we can see who yells at who.
Domenica, husband Jack, and bestie Ella sit around talking about how terrible Olivia is and how Jackson is finally starting to see his wife's true colours.
Cue a very subtle scene change to a close in shot of Jackson and Olivia in bed together. Jackson can't believe how nasty Olivia was last night. Olivia can't believe Jackson can't believe how nasty she was.
"I think I gave you plenty of warning that that's what I'm like," she tells her husband. Then she bursts into tears, calls Domenica "white trash" again, and cries some more.
Elsewhere, Kate and Matt are finally in bed together. "I don't want to leave this place," Matt says.