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The Twins recap Married at First Sight: We need to talk about Liv.

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We open on Domenica wailing in a garden.

Jackson asks quite nicely if she's okay and she yells at him "ASK YA WIFE" which is a lot to shout at a man who has been exclusively kind for six weeks. 

Back at the table, Liv continues to look like she's at her late husband's funeral, and she remarks, "THAT'S HOW TODDLERS BEHAVE". 

And no, Liv. Toddlers don't smash wine glasses. They have much more decorum than that. Just ask Al. All he does is drink from shoes and wear bonnets occasionally.

'My behaviour is weird but I'm not allowed wine glasses.'

Jack hears that Domenica is wailing alone in a shrub and mutters, "she might be a crazy bitch but she's my crazy bitch". He follows the sound of the shrieking and comforts her, as she explains that she has regrets. About the time she smashed a wine glass in the vicinity of another woman's face. On national television. 

She recounts how Liv insulted her loud voice of all things and Jack's like "ok in her defence you spoke so loudly that you literally ruined my day today, but yes, go on".

Meanwhile, the rest of the couples have returned to the house, and you better believe Liv has embellished the story. 

"SHE STOOD UP WITH HER BROKEN WINE GLASS," she says, and then, not getting the reaction she wants, adds, "AND HELD IT. AGAINST. MY. THROAT. AND SHE WAS ALL LIKE I'LL KILL YA AND I WAS LIKE OH NO PLEASE DON'T," and okay Liv only some of that happened.

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'It's heaps better now.'

"That's messed up. That's not okay," Liv tells the camera, and speaking of not okay.

The time you told a bride you hated your bridesmaid's dress? Because it was poo brown?? Then you chopped your dress up and mailed it back to her?? We've been thinking about that for a full 24 hours now and it's still deeply... disturbing.

The next morning, Domenica wakes up and in case you're wondering, no. She's still not okay. In fact she's rubbing cutlery on her face and Jack is concerned. 

"I'm ashamed of myself," she tells Jack, who thinks she might be trying to exercise a demon. From her eyes. With the spoons.

'My mum is gonna be so mad.'

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Jack decides to try to set the record straight with the boiz. Jackson kinda agrees that it's mean to tell someone their voice is sh*t and says he's sort of worried about this side of Liv and yes Jackson us also. 

But oh no. 

The real drama of the episode is taking place. 

It's Matt. Someone told him Kate spoke highly of him at the girls catch up and a) we don't remember that, and b) who the F*CK passed that on. We all know how he gets when he thinks he has hope.

Make it stop.

Kate lets him have a hug and it's uncomfortable and terrible for her but also the nation more broadly.

As Kate and Matt sit in the spa together, he reflects that he thinks things are going in the right direction. And what do we do when things appear to be going in the right direction? We grab a woman by the foot. Erotically.

NO. No no no no no no. Matt, we need to leave Kate's foot alone. STOP TOUCHING THE WOMAN SHE CLEARLY HATES IT.

Thankfully, he does let go of Kate's foot. And decides instead to do something much worse: spank her. On the bottom. While she's in her swimmers. On camera.

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'The fact I can't logistically divorce you is being an OH&S issue.'

Why must you be like this.

Kate yells at him and he falls back into the hot tub and NONE OF THIS IS FUN, MATT. THIS IS WHY THE WOMAN IS ACTIVELY TRYING TO LEAVE YOU.

She threatens him by yelling that she will, in fact, punch him in the throat if he ever dares to do that again, and he reflects that he loves her playful side.

On the other side of the retreat, Carolina is calling her illicit boyfriend, Daniel, from inside a bush. 

It makes her feel guilty, so she decides to ask Dion, a man who detests exercise, if he might like to go on a run with her.

Dion, who is wearing $600 sunglasses, fitted linen pants and loafers declines the... offer and suggests that instead they play lawn bowls and with all due respect Dion, this is why. Carolina struggles. 

'And my loafers will get scuffed.'

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They fight and decide not to try and hang out again, because it's far too upsetting. 

Meanwhile, Domenica refuses to leave her apartment. 

Despite what Liv keeps trying to say, Ella insists that the Domenica glass breaking incident didn't come from a place of violence. It came from a place of chaos. Which is an important distinction. 

A final dinner party is underway and for reasons that are unclear everyone thinks they're celebrating. What? We are not sure. But Al is definitely expecting a birthday cake and maybe some sparklers. 

'Cheers.'

Liv tells Jackson that she has no desire to be the bigger person tonight and in fact would like to "burn Domenica at the stake". Which concerns Jackson. Because having a wife in prison is a real hindrance. In that you can't hang out as much.

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Jackson isn't adequately engaging in Liv's bitching, so she approaches a friendly-looking camera person instead. She explains that Domenica isn't a person. She's a ghost. And what are you even talking about is that an insult we cannot be sure. 

When Domenica arrives at the dinner party, she sits the group down to apologise for the time she smashed a glass that didn't belong to her, and now everyone probably has to chip in to cover the damage. 

While the rest of the group nods full of understanding, Liv is all like "IT'S NOT AN EXCUSE" and keeps muttering "bulls**t" and quick question why r we behaving like this. 

Why. 

Are you acting. 

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Like you're in Year 8.

As Jackson opens his mouth to accept Domenica's lovely apology, Liv shouts "DO YOU REALISE HOW SERIOUS IT IS. IT'S ASSAULT. WHAT YOU DID," and OK it was bad but like, was it assault? Possibly. But like also maybe not. 

Kate accepts Domenica's apology. Though. In case anyone was wondering. (They weren't.)

Jackson then has an intervention with Liv and says he "isn't about that" behaviour.

"If she can't get over that nasty side," he tells the camera, "I don't know if I can move forward," and goodness we love this man unconditionally. 

We end on Liv having a panic attack. Which is distressing. For everyone. 

UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT.

For more MAFS commentary and lols, you can follow Clare and Jessie Stephens on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter

You can also listen to their comedy podcast, CANCELLED.  

Read our previous recaps here:

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The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 22: A very 'horny' cheating scandal.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 21: The experts have had it with Carolina.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 20: The man who broke John Aiken.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 19: We have feedback about the cheating scandal.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 18: OK. So at this point people are just walking out.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 17: Why are the experts... gaslighting the women?

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 16: A perfectly engineered cheating scandal. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 15: "You couldn't script this sh*t."

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 14: We have feelings about the bride who ran three hours late.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 13: A burning question for Brent and Tamara.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 12: The most manipulative night we've seen on television. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 11: Andrew needs to be stopped. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 10: The couple that can't stop fighting about sex.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 9: The groom's decision that 'doesn't make any sense'.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 8: A messed up conversation about race.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 7: Sir. You did not just talk about pegging. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 6: We need to talk about Selin. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 5: Stop it. He’s doing everything for Instagram. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 4: 'The sex wasn't enjoyable for me.'

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 3: When your husband doesn't want to have sex with you.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 2: The groom who has everyone... baffled.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 1: "My wife is a psychopath."

Feature Image: Channel Nine + Mamamia.

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