by ZOE FOSTER
In non-celebratory news, today’s post is sadly my last post for Mamamia. But all is not lost, because this compelled me to spend a few hours listing and linking to every single dang post I’ve written here over the past year.
So! Here’s what went down. Or what you missed, if you’re a newcomer/sometimes reader/my dad:
With regards to makeup, I talked about how to PROPERLY conceal under the eyes, the delight and freshness of pink makeup, some sneaky anti-ageing makeup tricks and products, the VERY IMPORTANT art of filling in and defining one’s eyebrows, the three makeup techniques many woman do that are doing them ZERO favours, what BB cream is and why you might like it, fun NYE/party makeup that is actually rather grown-up and lovely indeed, not to mention the perfect festive slap, fresh, summery makeup that is wildly fast to apply, the wonder and power of applying (both black and white) liner in the waterline, how to make your teeth look whiter with makeup, how to REALLY MAKE YOUR MAKEUP LAST, my thoughts on the Perfect Lip Balm (the cosmetic holy grail); I explained what primer is and how important it is for makeup longevity, listed some excellent eye, lip and cheek products I fell for this year, showed you how to not look like you’ve been crying or been dumped in a vat of bronzer and other beauty fixes, offered you a new way to apply foundation that makes it 324307034982 x more natural looking, how to do a two-minute, cheat’s smoky eye, the delights of grown-up coloured mascara (not an oxymoron), how to pull off very dark wine/plum/blood-coloured lipstick, should, uh, that be something you think looks attractive, served up the four rules of blush we should all kind of know by now, explained why it’s so easy to use makeup and dressing up to VASTLY and POWERFULLY lift your mood, should it for some reason be low, explained the best makeup remover for each mascara type, and speaking of mascara, I wrote on the new salon-only semi-permanent mascara, and of course, there was the day I, and we all, showed our makeup free face to the world.
Skin? Covered that off pretty extensively, too. I (as usual) went to town bullying you all into using the right amount and type of sun protection (every day) and understanding how that all works because a lot of us still don’t really know, spoke of my love for these 60-second power exfoliators/glowing skin give-er-ers, made you all fall in love with that cheap, powerful anti-ager, rosehip oil, showed you how to do your makeup if you wear spectacles, talked up how good it is having your blackheads extracted professionally, revealed the ultimate and best way to heal chapped, flaky, dry, annoying lips, showed you the REAL way to fade scars left behind after pimples (especially those that have been picked at) that involves no vitamin e oil at all, how to zap those pimples before they even really erupt and the best products for the job, how to lessen the appearance of large pores, gave you the reason behind and truth on why you need to wear sun protection every day, how to fix your back acne, or “bacne” (cute!), the splendour and effectiveness of toner, and why it’s time you started using it again, how to heal yourself after a curling tong or ghd burn, threw up some facts and thoughts on lip fillers, and went into the danger of overusing AHAs, even though the attraction is obvious (“they work.”)
Hair? Of course. I’m no dummy; you lot love your dingin’ hair posts. I wrote about the big hair trends for the year, how to genuinely secure shiny hair (no down lights required), how to get loose waves in your hair with a curling tong, explain why every single one of us can benefit from dry shampoo and gave a vid on how to properly use it, showed you how to style naturally curly hair, how to go DIY from blonde to brunette, posed the question of whether men really do prefer girls with curls, detailed when to use which hairbrush, when, and why, gave you four quick ways to fix a bad (‘horribly shitty’) hair day, including advice for those with roots that need re-doing or who need a fancy updo in five minutes, explained how to make your hair look longer with styling or –gasp! – a haircut, gave my thoughts on some red carpet hair looks, put forward a crazy simple way to get texture in boring or flat hair, demonstrated in video the little ghd/styler/flat-iron trick that will change the way you straighten your hair forever, detailed how to get that sexy, fall-over-the face fringe, and then also how to get that perfectly sexy, dishevelled, bedhead texture favoured by the young and famous, explained what hair oil is, how to use it, and the precise way it will save your poor, overstyled/damaged/coloured hair, how to fix The Worst Haircut Ever (this does not involve hiring goons to send round to Tiff’s Style Cutz), showcased teh delight and can’t-mess-it-up-ness of mousse DIY home hair colour, gave you my theory on why the hair colour you had at 11 is probably your most flattering hue, listed some simple hair updates we could all probably do with when we’re in a hair rut, showed you some well-tested fixes for Bad Hair Days I very much advocate learning, and finally, I made a plea for all of you wonderful peaches to snip off your ponytails and support Beautiful Lengths, and in doing so, support women undergoing cancer treatment who deserve, but cannot afford, a real hair wig.
Other less-easily categorised but by no means less interesting posts included this one on outstanding beauty tools, the best value budget beauty buys, this one on makeup brushes, the five beauty rituals that very much look better the Day After, how to get these glamorous red carpet looks, some dazzling nail looks to try, the curse of the ladystache, why I believe you should make a bit of effort when on holidays, a discussion on parabens and whether they are dangerous or not, a list of beauty resolutions that I have almost entirely kept, the big beauty trends for 2012, some insight on how I prepare for red carpet events like the ARIAs and the Logies (hint: “hire professional makeup and hair people,”), I gave you some outrageous and controversial ways to fix things like fake tan stains and nail polish errors, helpful winter skin fixes, urged you to not get your cuticles trimmed at the nail bar, listed some common beauty fails and how to quickly and effectively fix them, as well as three ways makeup and nail polish and playing with our hair makes us feel less shitty when we’re in a funk, detailed some fake tans that don’t stink, gave you the step-by-step on looking fresh even if you are violently hungover, went into the importance of us dames all sharing our best beauty tips and secrets, showed you what I pack for a long jaunt overseas, both the toiletries and the makeup, gave some tricks on how to not look all red and flustered after a workout, wrote on the marvel that is the TV makeunder, AKA Snog Marry Avoid, I questioned who we really wear our makeup and our hair for, had some fun with the Oscars red carpet, and the SAGs too, explained why I had Invisalign on my teeth this year, and why I loved it, told you my pick of deodorants (because it’s not all pretty lipstick and glossy hair is it? We sweat and have ingrown hairs too), went into the issue of malicious Facebook sabotage via unflattering photos and tagging, examined those French pharmacy beauty buys models and makeup artists always bang on about, and finally, gave you the disgusting but genuine secret to genuinely fresh breath – and it has nothing to do with mints or mouthwash.
Aaaaaaaand we’re done! What a gas.
Now there is nothing left but to say thank you all very much for your support and for playing with me, I’ve bloody loved it so much. I adore Mia and the Mamamia team, and am so grateful to have had the opportunity to write on such an influential, wonderful and well-loved site, and to interact with such fantastic dames on such fun and frivolous content. I’m one lucky plum.
Enjoy yourselves! Today and always!
Yours in textured curls and bronzer swirls,
Zoe Foster is an author, columnist and porridge fan. Her books include the beauty bible Amazing Face, dating and relationship guide Textbook Romance, and three novels, Air Kisses, Playing The Field and The Younger Man. Find more info on Zoe Foster here, or supervise on her daily procrastination here and here.
Please understand that Zoë Foster cannot respond to ALL your questions – but never fear, there are readers that are bound to know the answers, so don’t be afraid to ask.