mamamia

The best make-under I have ever seen.

This is 29 year old Jodie Marsh. Remember her? In case you missed this post, Jodie is a UK 'Glamour Model" in the same genre as Jordan.

She once said: "I think there are people who need to put on more make-up and then they might pull more men. I love people who wear as much make-up as drag queens."

On an ordinary day, she holds those sentiments very close to her very big chest.
But as part of a Refge charity campaign in the UK for victims of domestic violence, Jodie has used many bottles of make-up remover to strip the gunk off her face and put her boobs away to pose for this photo.

I'm not sure how it raised money but I'm sure they did and kudos to her for doing it.

   

                  

                                             

        After the jump, two of my favourite pre-make-under photos of Jodie......

This is not a picture of my stomach (will spare you that) but how cool is it...

Every pregnancy is different. And not just from one woman to the next. Every pregnancy is different even when it’s the same woman who’s pregnant.

I have good pregnancies, generally. I enjoy the physical state of being pregnant (mostly) and I’ve never had any major negative physical side effects.

Any complaints have been minor: a bit of back pain, heartburn if I eat bananas (or citrus fruit after lunchtime), some hormonal headaches and in the first four months, mid-range nausea and skin that resembles a pizza.

Compared to friends whose pregnancy side effects have included chronic back pain, unrelenting and severe nausea, haemorrhoids, separation of their pubic bone to the point they could barely walk and crippling migraines, my pregnancies are bright and breezy.

But I’ve definitely noticed that each of my pregnancies has been different.

I was 25 the first time. My body was young and strong but mentally? I was totally neurotic in that way most women are during your first pregnancy.

Read the rest of this post at Essential Baby......

Another reason to be happy you're not famous. Or the daughter of someone famous. Or a princess.

Did you see these photos of Princess Beatrice on holidays in a cossie at the beach?

The Princess's mum, Fergie, has come out to attack the media over their treatment of her daughter. Three cheers for that. The Duchess said Beatrice was a regular size 10 and fit and healthy. Although now she'll probably now spend the next six months crouched over a toilet bowl and insist on wearing a burka in public (I said that last bit not Fergie). Poor girl.

Sarah Ferguson has told BBC Radio that the critical comments are potentially damaging.

"The press has been absolutely outrageous, and really being very mean about the size of her figure, calling her such horrible names, I just think they ought to take more responsibility.

I think her (Beatrice's) comment was, 'Will they be happy if I get anorexia because then they could write about that, wouldn't they?

I wish celebrity mothers wouldn't do this.....

Just six months after the birth of her second child, The View's Elisabeth Hasselbeck has posed in a bikini for Fitness mag.
One word: WHY?????

"Body image has nothing to do with scale numbers, it's how you feel inside," Hasselbeck, who turns 31 this month, told Fitness magazine. "This is the first time I've felt free from that, because I am working out in a way where I feel so strong that there's no room for those doubts. "I finally told myself ... 'I've got some curves, I've got a bubble butt, but I don't mind, because it's what powers me forward when I run.' "

Look, good on her or whatever but every time a celebrity does this, poses for ridiculous, air-brushed photos within days, weeks or months of giving birth, it raises the bar even higher. It increases the already ridiculous expectations society places on new mothers (and, worse, that new mothers place on themselves) to "bounce back" after giving birth.

Why can't they just stay in their tracksuits like the rest of us DAMMIT.

Today? I hate these jeans. Tomorrow? I may be wearing them.

   

                  

                               

Well, not ACTUALLY tomorrow because I am even struggling with maternity jeans at the moment. But my point is that I'll often see a fashion look that's new and think "vomit". I'm thinking that a bit right now with this cut of jeans and pants Posh has been wearing lately. Tight and skinny until you get to the calf then flared and dragging on the ground. With cuffs. Really?!
But when you see something enough times worn by enough celebrities, I find that my fashion mind is easily brainwashed from "vomit' to "gotta get me some of those".
            
Kylie and another Posh pic after the jump.

       

Too much Chloe is not enough.

I love Olivia Newton John's daughter Chloe Latanzi. Here, in a magnificent clip from the show, we see her visit her father, ONJ's ex-husband Matt Latanzi. Matt lives in a teepee. Yes he does. At one point, Chloe is telling him how hard she's finding the experience of being judged and criticised on the MTV reality show Rock The Cradle.
Her Dad looks at her, takes a cleansing breath and says "That's why I live in a teepee".
Right on Matt.

Gee, think Tyra is going for shock value? Worked. Yuck.

In a bid to make the homeless photo shoot challenge look like a couture tea-party, a recent shoot challenge on America's Next Top Model has involved THE MODELS POSING WITH MEAT.

Not sure how this could possibly be useful if you were actually wanting to be an actual model. Unless your aspiration was less Vogue and more Abbatoir Annual.

Helpfully, Miss Tyra set something of an example with the shot below.

   

                  

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This is possibly one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen. You know, in a fashion sense.
I just hope it turns some people vegetarian. I'll be having tofu tonight......

Pix of all the girls after the jump. Take a deep breath first.

Monday Madness: Bidet Love

This Japanese ad for a toilet that has a bidet feature is a work of genius. Check out the guy's expression at about the 24 second mark. Like a fine wine, it gets better with every viewing.

I’m not sure whether to file this under “Slightly Hard To Believe” or “Refreshing”.

Sarah Jessica Parker says she’s never bought her 5 year old son any clothes. Any. Clothes.

This is because SJP grew up as one of eight siblings in an impoverished family, and doesn't want her son to be spoiled. “James Wilkie only wears hand-me-downs because I’ve got all these older nephews” 43 year old Parker told Parade magazine. “That’s the God’s honest truth. Plus, my mother saved all my brother’s clothes. I am not kidding.  I don’t think I’ve ever bought him any clothes. Maybe a new winter's coat…."

Before you call DOCS, the kid does get his own shoes. New ones. "I do buy him shoes, because everybody's feet are different," says Parker.

A high-five to Sheryl Crowe......

The sound you just heard, from far across the Atlantic, is singer Sheryl Crowe patting herself on the back. With both hands and possibly also her foot. You see, Sheryl has managed to take a load off all our minds by playing cupid for Jennifer Anniston and successfully setting her up with musician John Mayer.

This is terrific news and not just for Jen-John. On behalf of all of us who’ve been increasingly worried about Jennifer since, you know, that Brad and Angelina business, thank you Sheryl. We’ll all sleep easier now Jennifer has someone to distract her from her ex husband’s rampant sex life and prolific breeding.

It’s also heartening for anyone who’s ever tried to set up their friends because it’s official: match-making is hot again. After a decade of flirting with Internet dating, it’s back to the future. The personal touch is once again in favour.

I am quite possibly the world’s worst matchmaker. I lack subtlety, empathy and finesse. I’m impatient and demanding. I have no attention to detail.  In short, I’m what Bridget Jones identified as a Smug Married who has totally forgotten what it’s like to be single. My background assumption is always: “You’re both single! There you go! You’re welcome!”

I don't know what I think about this. Perhaps you can help me work it out.

Brooke Shields and her husband and two daughters have appeared in an ad for a brand of towels called Royal Velvet. The picture is cute enough although the towels? A little tacky. Anyway.

One part of me says "Not cool to sell your family".
And another part says "Don't be so judgemental. Her family, her decision. Everyone needs to make a buck. Why shouldn't she?"
As I post this, the two parts are still fighting.

Helpfully (defensively?), Brooke issued a statement when the ad was released this week.....

Make two babies in one sex act? Is there anything Brad and Angelina can't do?

Don't be alarmed when you see this clip in which Angelina confirms it's twins. Brad hasn't let himself go. That's Jack Black beside her - they're doing interviews to promote their film Kung Fu Panda.

I'm not going to say anything about this picture of Titan from US Gladiators.

I'm especially not going to say anything about his crotch area. I'm going to leave it to you, the genius commenters....

   

                  

                                             

       

"I'm just a woman in love with another woman"

Cynthia Nixon is one of my favourites on Sex and her private life has been as interesting as her character's. Apart from her battle with breast-cancer last year (something she kept private until it was over), she also fell in love with a woman a few years ago and is now in a happily committed relationship with her.

I think they've both been terribly brave by coming out and the poor girlfriend has had an awful time of it - people have been very cruel commenting about her appearance. It seems like we're prepared to accept women being gay only if they look hot like Portia de Rossi....shame on us.

In an interview, Cynthia talks fluently and eloquently, matter-of-factly relating details of the furore that arose when she left Danny Mozes, the father of her two children, Charles, 15, and Samantha, 11.

“I started dating my girlfriend in January 2004,” she says, “and the press got wind of it around the time I won the Emmy. There were paparazzi in front of my apartment and outside my parents’ home. I said yes, it was true, I was romantically involved with a woman but I wasn’t going to talk about it until everybody calmed down.....

He's doing Jennifer Anniston and he's funny too...

This is a video John Mayer made for Funny Or Die about "the artist's creative process"....

So I bought my son a mobile phone for Christmas. last year.

He’s 10. At the time, I had slightly mixed feelings about it and now, a few months down the track, I can’t say I’ve completely resolved them.

And now that he and I are texting, a bunch of new issues have cropped up which have left me even more confused about the whole thing.

It all started about a year ago, maybe more, when he started asking for his own phone. It had been on my mind for a while since he’s always been very interested in phones.

At three, I programmed his grandparents and uncle’s phone numbers into our home phone and he’d often call them on speed dial of his own accord. At four or five, he taught himself to text on my phone. Kids and technology these days, huh?

Read the rest of this post here at Essential Baby.....

Not sure why but I like it.

Here are the Sex girls at the premiere of their movie last night. Yes, I'm aware that SJP looks like she may have stapled a pot plant to her forehead but I adore that she takes some risks.

How sad would we have been if she'd turned up in a strapless black Armani frock, huh? HUH??

In honour of SJP and her daring fashion choices, I'm going to take some risks with the masthead this week. So strap a seatbelt around your eyeballs.

And also, how fucking great to see four women in their 40s and 50s (Kim) looking hot and sexy. Woo hoo for that. Puts the tacky young Hollywood rehab crew to shame.

Front and back shots of SJP's Alexander McQueen prom dress after the jump.

If you really loved me, you'd change your name. To mine.

A dude in LA has won the legal right to change his surname to that of his new wife.
Michael Buday married Diana Bijon and wanted to become Michael Bijon.

Now he is but it took two years, a lawsuit alleging sex discrimination and a change in California law before he picked up his new drivers license in the name of Michael Bijon on Monday.

 

I really don't understand why no-one takes Lindsay Lohan seriously as an actress.

Lindsay Lohan and two promotional models pose at a press conference outside the boutique in LA which will stock the 21-year-old's range of leggings.

Because, you know, I think there are lots of female Oscar winners who have launched their own range of shiny leggings. Oh wait, I can't think of any. Except Merryl Streep. I love her leggings range. Oh wait, SHE DIDN'T DO A RANGE OF LEGGINGS BECAUSE SHE IS AN ACTRESS NOT DONATELLA VERSACE.

I'm sorry Lindsay. I think it's great that you did rehab and haven't been arrested in, like, at least a month. But are you on crack? I can think of no other explanation.

Monday Madness: Do you think we should start keeping one in the glovebox for when the traffic is bad?

The Feminal is a traveling urinal for women, designed to be used in a reclined, seated or standing position.

It's different from it's sister the Magic Cone because the Feminal's leak-proof seal makes it so "women can urinate in a reclined seat". Ahhhhh, so you don't even have to stop driving if you're, you know, in a rush. Or traffic.

Dammit, this would have been the perfect Mother's Day gift but alas, one day too late.....

[Oh look. The Feminal appears to be the same colour as my masthead. Time for a change methinks....]