Hands up who is going to do more yoga, stop swearing, save heaps of money and stop eating junk food in 2012?! Good! Off you go then! All the best!
Okay, now that she’s gone, let’s move onto some realistic new years resolutions, like these ones I came up with because I actually have some microscopic hope of keeping them, (unlike that one about getting my cat a record deal) or can at least pretend to for time it takes to write this post and swidge down some more Chrimbus pudding and snibble on another Haigh’s frog and slipe some more cheese and flerp down some more cherries.
They are all beauty based, obviously – nothing too impressive or world-savey here, more like vague promises to spend a little more time looking after the décolletage, or trying controversial nail lacquers. Feel free to be inspired to the point of tears.
1. I will limit the lip products in my handbag to two.
Because I have only one set of lips, and on any given day, need only one conditioning prod and one texture or colour prod. Carting around a tube of Suvana paw paw ointment, a Burt’s Bees tinted lip balm in Tiger Lily, a Lanolips in Mulberry, a Revlon ColorBurst lipstick in Coral and a MAC lipglass in C-thru seems a little much, if by “a little much” you mean “grotesque.”
2. Do Something New.
I barely need a resolution for this, as it’s more of a To-Do for me: I love chopping hair or dyeing it, or adopting a new lipstick or nail or eye makeup look. If I’m being honest (some have said it’s the best policy, although my car insurance policy is putting up some stiff competition), I more put this in to inspire you rascals to Do Something New this year. Appearance ruts, be gone!
3. I will remember that I am capable of filing and painting my own nails.
Just because the nail bar across the road is cheap and convenient, does not mean I am no longer of capable of sliding a small piece of foam across my nail tips, or painting my nails with one of the many paints in small bottles that adorn my bathroom draws. Okay, tubs. (And besides, when the world gets all endy this year and we need Real Skills to survive, I’ll be ready.)
4. I will do masks weekly.
Hair masks (try Pantene’s 3-Minute Miracle Treatment) and facemasks (after exfoliating) and hand masks (slop a cheap face mask on the tops of the hands – they age faster than your face, you know) and foot masks (“Eulactol and cotton socks before bed”). These little rituals take 10 minutes but make a million minute difference.
5. I will continue to simplify and eliminate excess prodz.
My routine might still sound excessive to some/all, but I’m getting better. I swear I am. (Hold my hand, tell me I’m doing good, and watch me soar, guys! WATCH ME SOAR. ARE YOU WATCHING? I SPECIFICALLY ASKED YOU TO WATCH AS I SOAR.) When I was a full-time-magazine-beauty-editor my twice-daily skin and makeup routine was utterly exhaustive. Up to seven or eight prodz each round. This was partly ‘cause it was my job to try A Lot of Stuff and partly because it thrills me to try new things, but these days, and now that my skin actually needs more attention because I get a delivery of lines and brown patches every few months, I find less to be more. A simple, creamy cleanser (like True Solutions Daily Cleanser), followed by SPF30+ tinted moisturiser under makeup for day, and at night, cleanser, followed by a serum or two (currently I am using a brightening serum for pigmentation: Estee Lauder’s Idealist Even Skintone Illuminator) and then a very nourishing night cream (Sodashi Nourishing Repair Treatment), which is so nurturing and hydrating I don’t even use eye cream. Really, this is enough: Clean. Treat. Protect. Nourish.
6. Don’t pick, scratch, pop or tweeze things that are better left alone.
I don’t think we need too much detail here. You know what I mean.
7. Be helpful, not bossy and arrogant.
Sometimes when you write books and blogs and things about beauty you accidentally think it’s your right to tell people how they Could Look Better, when in fact it is both offensive and entirely unsolicited. It’s almost like a rash I can’t find the right cream for, especially when it comes to bullying women into cutting (“have you ever had your hair short?”) or colouring their hair (“you know, you would look outSTANDING as a brunette…) to be what I consider to be more flattering. It has to end. If you ask my advice, I am delighted to offer it, but for now you all look terrific.
8. Remember to change foundation and bronzer in relation to skin tone and season.
I wear a fair smack of fake tan in summer, so my foundation and bronzer are usually a shade or two darker. I need to remember this when in May, when I am in the depths of a brightening skin program (such as Ella Bache’s Radiance C Ampoules or UltraceuticalsSensitive serum Even Skintone – both terrific for brightening skin tone and fading pigmentation) and the skin on my body is pale. Because while you might think a darkish muddy face is cute, I did a survey in the opinion region of my brain, and it’s actually not! Wild. Best to have two shades of foundation, and a lighter bronzer, probably.
9. Get my teeth in order.
In what critics are calling “exciting and dangerous,” and “cuter than Annie” I grind my teeth like the possessed each night. As such, I have been fitted for Invisalign to sort out what is now a hugenormous overbite, and crooked bottom teeth, which are now impacting on my upper teeth and pushing them out of place. It gives me headaches and could lead to a jaw reconstruction down the track. Adorable! My dentist, Dr Angelo Lazaris, a delightful, frank gent in the Sydney CBD who plays great DVDs and music for me while I’m in the chair, and reluctantly indulges my love of happy gas, said Invisalign was by far the best solution, even though I was valiantly prepared to single-handedly bring back traintracks back into fashion, in the same way Jessica Hart and Georgia May Jagger brought back tooth gaps.
10. Stop eating eye shadow.
It doesn’t even taste that good.
I’d love to know your beauty resolutions, and not just because I’m creepy and voyeuristic: but because there are probably 2880 I’ve forgotten and which are way more impressive than mine, that I can thieve and tell everyone I thought up.
Wishing you a joyful, thrilling and mysterious (why not?) start to 2012!
Zoe Foster is an author and columnist and Contributing Editor for Mamamia. She has previously been the beauty director for both Cosmopolitan and Harper’s BAZAAR magazines, and the Editor at Large of Primped.com.au. Zoe has published four books; Air Kisses, Textbook Romance (which she wrote with Hamish Blake), Playing The Field and Amazing Face. You can follow Zoe’s tumblr here and her Twitter here. You can and should buy Amazing Face here.