It’s time for the husbands to live with their wives for a week, and Telv has been in Sarah’s house for four minutes so has obviously already drawn a set of balls on her blackboard.
They both laugh because balls – especially very big ones – are always funny.
But you know what isn’t funny? Dean. And the weird ‘urban’ cap he’s wearing.
Okay, pause. Ever since Dean aka Visionz did a rap for Tracey in a completely empty bar that precisely no one asked for, he dresses like goddamn T-Pain and no. You are not urban. You are an executive creative director from Manly.
Gab has decided she won’t let Nasser stay in her house because she doesn’t want her daughter to wake up to a “stranger”. This feels like an unusually sensible decision, especially because Nasser’s favourite activities include a) bending down to vacuum in only his underpants and b) holding people captive until they give him the gossip he needs. Gab is protecting Nasser from himself and deep down he appreciates that.
Oh. Blair exists and she’s having thoughts but also wearing that hat that makes her look like she should be on The Voice.
She is reminiscing about the better times in their four week long relationship that we have not at all been following.
Apparently she's married to a man named 'Sean' and oh yeah this is the guy who somehow looks like every member of One Direction. All we can remember about him is that for a few weeks now he's had an inexplicable red mark on his forehead and are you okay did you walk into a branch.
Anywho, Blair keeps insisting she won't give up, which is precisely always a bad idea given relationships generally require enthusiastic consent from both parties. When one person forces another to stay in a relationship against their will, we're pretty sure that's called 'kidnapping' which is frowned upon by everyone except John Aiken.
Sean doesn't know what to do because John Aiken yelled at him that the RULES CLEARLY STATE HE HAS TO STAY AND LIVE WITH THE WOMAN HE IS INDIFFERENT TOWARDS, but Sean doesn't... want to.
He tells Blair he is not coming and she says they have "different values" like, for example, making someone live with you when they don't want to.
It would all be very sad if we were fully across who these people were or what happened to Sean's forehead.
Of course, Sean's decision to leave begs the question: why have these rules when literally no one enforces them.
Ashley has taken Troy to her sister's place (no srsly we think she doesn't want him to come to her place because she doesn't want him to know where she lives), and she decides to take him to Sea World because "Troy likes dolphins".
After the tail-pulling incident with the crocodile Troy should strictly not be allowed within a five kilometre radius of any animal, but a distracted camera man allowed it.
You can see in Troy's eyes how desperately he wants to put his finger in the dolphin's blowhole, and no Troy. Put your hand down.
Troy has made a new best friend and we are all very happy for him. Post continues below.
The instructor invites Troy to touch the dolphin and he says, "I didn't think it would feel that good". It's at this moment we realise: with this dolphin, Troy is with his people.
He looks into the dolphin's eyes and they understand each other. The dolphin does a trick and Troy laughs and laughs. It's so funny. So talented.
A dolphin would never let him get his hair cut. Or overhear him bitching on camera. Or think it was weird to eat tuna for breakfast and burn every concoction he attempts to make in the kitchen. It would accept him, for who he is.
That's when Troy decides he shall move to the Gold Coast to be closer to
When he tells Ashley at dinner she's like "er.. what. Why? Do you have family here? Did you get a job or something?" but Troy just stares back with a knowing look.
Dolphin is waiting for him.
Over at Gab's rental house, the bed collapsed during the night and, yeah, Nasser is convinced it was the ghosts.
"The door opened by itself!" he yells and approximately no one believes him. "How could a door open by itself? Forget it!" Wot.
It's clear what has happened. When Nasser is forcibly removed from the gossip, he needs to invent ghosts so he doesn't get bored. And now he's angry at a fake ghost for opening the door, but also the bed which he claims he can sue.
Gab makes Nasser go horse riding, which he resists until he realises the horse seriously might have some gossip. Gab tells him she thinks getting out of his comfort zone is character building, but he can't hear because the horse is whispering about how the other horse is a bit of a slut.
Justin and Carly are also doing activities together and we actually want to die.
She's taken him to the 'Melbourne Star Observation Wheel' which, no, shouldn't be a thing. Carly's hoping that paying $40 to stand in a glass case overlooking a gloomy day might put Justin in a romantic mood, but instead he stands awkwardly saying things like, "it's very quiet," and "it would suck if you needed to wee," and pls Justin if you needed to wee you should've used the bathroom earlier.
At Carly's house, Justin makes fun of Carly for sleeping with her teddy bear, but at least she doesn't sleep with her ice cream machine. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
SHHHH Dean is about to meet Tracey's friends and she's going to make him talk about the textin' scandal. She explains that they'll probably be shocked that within four weeks, her fake husband has managed to break up with her AND cheat on her AND reveal himself to be an Aussie rapper, and Dean genuinely asks, "why would your friends be shocked?"
He tells Tracey that, silly girl, he didn't actually cheat, and also reminds her that at the time he wasn't really happy with Tracey so he did what he did.
How is this a real person.
At dinner with Tracey's friends, Dean's face is absurdly red and we don't know whether it's because he's a very white person in Perth or because he's embarrassed by... himself. He tells them the story about meeting up with another man's fake wife and how they planned to leave their partners and get fake married, and you can tell Tracey's friends are like THIS ISN'T EVEN A REAL RELATIONSHIP HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO BE SO BAD AT IT.
Tracey's friend says Dean's decision to only tell Tracey about Davina at the commitment ceremony was just "another layer of humiliation" and so true.
Eventually Tracey's friends are happy as long as she is happy which is nice but also WHERE IS TRACEY'S DAUGHTER.
She is a missing person and it's very worrying.
Meanwhile, Mel and John have come to the rather unsettling realisation that neither of them are willing to move for the other, which feels like an issue that should've been considered before they were matched by experts on national television.
UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT.
Listen to the full episode of MAFS chat.