It’s the day after the commitment ceremony and for a reason none of us understand, Jo is still here.
She wants to clear the air, which sounds like a terrible idea.
She tells Sean she’s sorry about the time she called him a douchebag last night simply because he didn’t want to be fake married to her anymore. Marriage is hard – it has it’s ups and downs and NO. Jo, no. No more hope.
They decide to stay for the next week of the experiment but Sean demands a separate apartment, which is surely more hurtful than simply leaving.
Meanwhile, Dean is trying to explain to Tracey that he definitely did not give her mixed signals by having sex with her in the morning and then dumping her that night. THAT'S JUST WHAT PEOPLE DO, TRACEY. GROW UP.
But Tracey is traditional, and likes her fake husbands to not leave. Dean says he is sorry and mumbles something about not knowing if he made the right decision, and next minute Tracey is asking Dean if he wants to give it another shot, and with little to no conviction, he says "that's what I want".
Narrator: That is not what Dean wants.
Dean wants a Davina, and he isn't allowed to have one if he leaves the experiment.
Listen: Clare and Jessie Stephens discuss the tragedy of Jo and Sean's relationship on our Married at First Sight podcast. Post continues after audio.
He reflects that Davina looks really good when she dresses up, but "other times I'm not so sure how hot she is," and... literally no one asked.
Oh.
It's Matt and Alycia and there's a confusing problem that makes us feel like we missed an episode which we most definitely did not.
Matt's being all... distant... and is convinced that the ONLY way he can be closer to Alycia is to move physically further away which, yeah, feels like a bad sign.
Meanwhile, Troy and Ashley are fighting, mostly because Troy is being himself and doing things like counting down before he turns a light off for no reason.
Looking at their wedding photo, Troy comments that his hair should have been parted more to the side, which we think we can all agree is the least of his problems. He then comments that Ashley looked good for "what she is" and that she "really did present herself as best she could".
Jesus.
Anywho, we're back to Dean and Tracey who are trying to do a 'communicate'.
Dean is explaining that "relationships are different in Sydney" and Tracey wouldn't understand because she's from Perth. This sounds totally made up but okay.
According to Dean, in Sydney people have open relationships. That's just how it is.
Which would be fine. Except a) that's not true at all and b) you... you just signed up to a traditional marriage on television. We... we were there.
Point is, yes, Dean's been married for two weeks, and he would like it to be open now.
But STOP, PLS.
We haven't had nearly enough gimmicks, so the experts have decided to introduce Yes week. The rule is, one person in each couple gets to make the decisions and the other person has to say yes - a concept which is both unrealistic but also fundamentally contradicts the point of a relationship.
Jo and Sean don't need a Yes week. They need to go home. But of course the experts decide that Jo gets to make Sean do whatever she wants, so she cheerily tells him to make lunch.
No.
They sit in silence while Sean makes ONE lunch for Jo so he doesn't have to eat it with her.
EVERYONE NEEDS TO GO HOME. PLEASE. HOPE IS OVERRATED. JO NEEDS TO NOT HAVE ANYMORE HOPE.
It's also Yes week for Ashley, who would like to tell Troy to go to Antarctica and come back in 25 years, but the producers say she's legally not allowed. Instead she gets him to construct Ikea furniture, which begs the question: Why are you adding furniture to a house you're renting for free for approximately two weeks? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Predictably, Troy is annoying and sucks.
Ashley's look of disapproval is now permanent and Troy has a profound ability to not let it get to him even a little bit.
Matt's back from being somewhere and Alycia is crying and eventually they make up but why were they fighting?
It's likely we will never know - because there's a TEXTIN' SCANDAL.
It's unclear how anyone got each other's numbers. But details aren't important. What matters is that Davina is texting 'Deano' while in the same room as her current fake husband and the producers have told her to please look guilty.
Even though it's been Ryan's Yes week, he's spent the whole time trying to get his fake wife to hate him less, to no avail. He made her play golf and she didn't even try which was, to be honest, annoying to watch.
Dean says this "could be exciting" and they have lots in common like a lack of moral fibre and an overwhelming disrespect for other people's marriages.
They decide to meet up to explore their mutual attraction (... ew) and we just know John Aiken is going to be mad.
UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT.
You can listen to the full episode of our Married at First Sight podcast here.
You can also follow Clare and Jessie Stephens on Facebook OR join our 'Married at First Sight Lols' Facebook group, where we spend the majority of our time.
The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 8: Davina just tried to steal someone’s husband.
The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 7: The most cringeworthy honeymoon we’ve ever seen.
The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 6: There’s a millionaire who’s in for a shock.
The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 5: The man who just stumped Australia.
The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 4: "You make me feel sick."
The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 3: There is one VERY disappointed mother-in-law.
The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 1: Tracey has a ‘secret’.