What is the first thing you think about when someone mentions anal sex? Is it untold pleasure? Is it sensuous closeness? Is it discovering unknown intimacy? Could it even be the best orgasms you can have?
Probably not. If you’ve never tried it, you’ve probably been told it is going to hurt. If you’ve seen it in porn, you probably think an insane acrobatic session is about to unfold. And, if you’re like most people, you probably think bum loving is a real, actual pain in the butt.
And this is fair enough. I’ve never been one to sugar-coat the fact that anal sex might hurt and we all need to know that. Yet, let’s remember that, despite common thoughts and porn’s obsession with stretching ass limits, there is unlimited potential with ass play. The fact that it might hurt doesn’t mean that it will – or that it has to.
Pain-free anal sex is not a fantastical oxymoron. It is not a fairy tale (tail?). It is real and it is awesome. Check out these seven tips for having anal sex that doesn’t hurt and get down to the bottom of bottom fun.
1. Experiment with self-pleasure
There is only one person who can determine if your anal experience is going to be pain-free: you.
If you are curious about exploring ass pleasure, the best way to experiment is on your own, in your own masturbatory bliss, before anybody else gets into your butt business. If you want to get a sense of what it feels like to be touched between the cheeks, reach down while you’re already enjoying strong sexual feelings. It is important to get a lay of the land, a true idea of the shape and texture of the anus. Experiencing these sensations on your own will allow you to control the speed and depth of touch and penetration.
You’ll be able to teach yourself how to relax your muscles, learn when to slow down when needed, and get a sense of how far you think you can push yourself. Some homeschooling will eliminate one of the biggest sources of anal sex pain: surprise.
2. Talk about it
After some self-exploration, the most important activity you can do to prepare for and enjoy anal sex is to talk about it – before, during and after the act itself. Some folks really love the spontaneity of sex, but bum fun really should be something that is discussed beforehand. Anal sex can only be pain-free when everybody is on the same page. Knowing that your playmate has heard and understands your needs will help you relax. This is one of the most important factors in taking pain out of the equation.
Listen: Porn star Madison Missina and prude Carla G.S deep-dive on the intricacies of anal. Post continues after audio.
Don’t just stop at an initial discussion. If all signs point to yes, you really should remember to check in throughout the ass action. Anal experiences can vary greatly, so there really is no way to anticipate how you or your partner will feel during anal play. If you’re giving, be ready to hear directions and needs such as “go slower” and “more lube.” If you’re receiving, it is critical that you speak your needs – even if it breaks the flow.
3. Set the scene
There are a lot of factors that go into deciding to have anal sex, never mind also trying to ensure it is pain-free. In fact, if there is any doubt in your mind that this moment won’t be right for bum fun, the best option is to decline and play in a different way.