sex

"Size doesn’t matter in the way you think." What women wish men knew about sex.

After losing our virginities to each other, my partner immediately asked me, “How did it feel?”

I knew that he was asking because he wanted to know that it’d been pleasurable for me, but I had no idea how to answer.

How does one describe what sex feels like to someone without a vagina?

Wouldn’t that be like trying to describe what sugar tastes like or snow looks like to someone who has never experienced either?

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Wanting to assure him, I answered with something like, “It felt…nice,” which was true but vague.

I’ve since had several partners ask me the same question, but they weren’t willing to accept an indefinite answer like “nice.” They wanted specifics. Direct, clear, and concise.

Here is my attempt to answer for men, once and for all, what sex feels like to a woman.

My vagina is not like your fingertips.

It can’t sense different textures. A sex toy could be nubbed or smooth, and neither would feel different.

My vagina can’t tell if a penis is fully hard, but it can tell size.

My vagina stretches to take a penis or toy in and will notice the difference between less and more and whether a particular girth makes me feel “full” or not.

Size doesn’t matter in the way you might think. It’s girth, instead of length, we feel, and there are ways to increase girth (such as sleeves/extenders). Each woman who enjoys penetrative toys or penetrative sex with a partner has her own Goldilocks-right size. And again too, none of that matters much if we like the person we’re having sex with.

My vagina can tell temperature.

A penis is warm, sometimes even hot. Toys warm up as they’re used, and some have artificial heat sources, and special lubes can cool or warm.

During the act.

Once penetration begins, there is pressure and an immediate flood of euphoria. My blood starts pumping and my heart racing.

As long as there is enough lubrication and the girth isn’t too much, my vagina stretches to accommodate. My girl is nature’s pocket. She grows to take in what’s put into her.

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Once the penis or toy is all the way inside, the overwhelming sensation is fullness. It is that fullness that I want to get to. It’s not all that different from finally being able to scratch an intense itch.

There are times, of course, when penetration hasn’t felt all that nice. Not enough lubrication, an angle or speed that doesn’t work, or my partner or a toy’s girth too wide to feel comfortable.

But, thankfully for many of my sexual encounters, the euphoria from the initial penetration turns into tingling sensations as certain areas inside of me are stroked.

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The first time I had sex, it was like suddenly being aware that my body contained a lock that someone else could have the key for.

It wasn’t as if I had felt deprived, but it was instead like I’d been eating bland food all of my life, and someone had finally introduced me to seasoning. I simply hadn’t known what was out there, what my body was capable of.

I felt…whole and complete. Filled.

I find many acts of sex extremely pleasurable — whether it be fingering, oral, or anal, etc. — but I’ve always found my partner’s penis inside me to be my favourite. I rarely orgasm through vaginal penetration alone, but that doesn’t discount how much I love the sensations and feelings around it: full and warm, and, during the best sexual experiences, entirely in sync with and connected to my partner.

A woman once told me penetrative sex for her with her male partners was like, “Everything is right and how it should be.”

Feeling whole or full is an interesting explanation for the feeling of being penetrated, because it’s not as if I walk around feeling like my vagina is empty when I’m not having sex.

The best comparison I have is that my vagina is like a stomach. When I’m not horny, I’m content, not needing to snack between meals. When I’m horny, I’m hungry or starving, and when I’m getting exactly what I want when I want it, it’s like finally eating a steak after you’ve been craving it for a week.

Sex is a deeply individual experience. No two women may explain it the same way, but I hope I’ve conveyed it as clearly as possible.

This article originally appeared on Medium and was republished here with full permission. 

Tara Blair Ball is a freelance writer and author of The Beginning of the End. Check out her website here or find her on Twitter: @taraincognito.

Feature Image: Getty.

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