Mamamia's Ask Chantelle series is a pervy Q&A session with Psycho-Sexologist Chantelle Otten. Think about all the sex questions you've wanted answers for, but have been too shy to ask. Nothing is too embarrassing, kinky or wild for Chantelle. Honestly, we've all probably wondered the same thing too. This week, one woman wants to know all about anal sex. And, if you have a sex question you want answered, email [email protected]
My boyfriend really wants to have anal and I'm terrified. I've heard horror stories. Is it scary? It is...messy? Is it something everyone does?
First of all, of course, you should only do something if you're 100 per cent comfortable with it. If you're not, you need to tell you boyfriend how you feel.
But if you do decide to give it a go, there is nothing to fear! People love telling horror stories over pleasure stories, but I am going to teach you how to make anal sex smooth, safe and sexy.
Firstly, it's essential to know some basic anatomy.
Watch: How to have better sex. Post continues below.
Everyone's anus is equipped with a bunch of sensitive nerve endings, making the experience feel different from vaginal sex. And every anus has an internal and an external sphincter, which controls the poo exiting the body.
The inner sphincter moves involuntarily to keep the poop in, while the external is voluntary (you control whether it relaxes or tenses).
Now, sex should never be painful (unless it is consensual and kinky), and if it is, we need to reassess the actions being taken.
For people who feel like anal sex is too intense, they are unaware of the internal sphincter, which is a little hidden barrier, and if it isn't relaxed, it may make anal uncomfortable or too intense.
So what needs to happen for your first time having anal (or anytime having anal), is that you must be relaxed in the body and mind so that all these internal protectors can welcome you in.
Now, is it messy?
A lot of the time, no. So there is no need to worry about something that may not happen at all.
Avoid anal if you have an upset stomach or feel bloated, but also accept that accidents may just happen! And that's totally normal.
Sex is messy in general, that's what makes it so real, so don't be too hard on yourself if something goes wrong. Just have baby wipes nearby, wipe down, shower off and have a cuddle.
For optimal anal experience, I recommend the following steps:
1. Let's drop that body and that mind into relaxation.
Anal sex and being tense is not going to work.