sex

10 reasons why you're not getting wet during sex.

Okay, real talk. Just 'cause you can't get wet doesn't mean you're not turned on, okay? It's the same deal as guys who have trouble getting an erection. And just as frustrating.

When you're 100 percent turned on, but your body just seems to be on a whole different planet (read: dry as a bone), it can SUCK.

Sigh.

Watch: Y'know what else can help improve your sex game? Strong vagina muscles, of course! Here are some exercises you can do to strengthen yours. Post continues below.


Video via Mamamia.

But there can be a number of reasons behind why this might be happening, and you shouldn't ever feel like it's just you.

Having trouble with lubrication is actually way more common than you might think.

"Everyone is different when it comes to women being aroused. It is very much a state of mind. If you are turned on, mid-cycle or watching something that is sexually appealing to you, arousal can be very quick," explains General Obstetrician and Gynaecologist Dr Nicole Stamatopoulos

"However, if you are feeling anxious, upset or depressed and not in a good mental state, it will be very difficult to get aroused."

To help suss out some of the most common causes of why you're not getting wet, we asked Dr Stamatopoulos for some help.

You're rushing things.

Woah! Slow down, buddy. Is there enough foreplay going on around here? 

We know sex scenes in pretty much every movie, ever, go from zero to a hundred in the space of five seconds, but IRL it can take anywhere from 10 to 45 minutes to get fully aroused. 

Listen to this episode of The Undone, where Lucy and Emily talk about the differences between a sex date, a relationship date, and a casual date. Post continues below. 

So, don't rush. Our bodies aren't like a switch, mmmkay? We're complex little machines.

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You're taking birth control.

According to Stamatopoulos, this is a biggie. "One of the most common reasons is the combined oral contraceptive pill." 

In case you didn't know, estrogen is the hormone that is key to keeping everything lubricated, so if you're on a low-dose birth control pill you might experience less wetness. 

Birth control pills also lower your body's natural levels of testosterone, which plays a role in maintaining libido and vaginal lubrication.

If this is something that is concerning you, you should chat to your doctor and suss out what your other options are when it comes to contraception.

You have a skin condition.

If you've been diagnosed with a skin condition or an autoimmune disorder, Stamatopoulos said it could be worth seeing if it's related to the dryness you're experiencing down there.

"There are some skin conditions that can affect the vaginal area that can be related to dryness. These include: Eczema and diseases that affect your immune system like lichen sclerosus and Sjogren's syndrome, are less common but can be related," she said.

Your medication is interfering with your libido.

Yup. Certain medications that have absolutely nothing to do with your vagina can mess with your ability to get wet. 

"Antidepressants are a common one, but so is depression and anxiety in general," said Stamatopoulos. 

"Medication for epilepsy, psychiatric disorders such as schizophrenia and bipolar, opioid medication such as morphine and endone and even hormonal contraception can interfere with libido. They can also cause vaginal dryness."

If this sounds familiar, you could talk to your doctor about finding a medication that works best for your mental health and your sexual health - cause it shouldn't be one or the other.

You're stressed.

Fact: Life is stressful AF. But if you're constantly worrying about things like work and money issues in the bedroom, chances are you're going to have trouble getting wet. Because once all the stresses of life start to roll around in your mind and distract you, the whole sex thing is easy to shut down - your vagina is not going to be turned on and wet.

So, before trying to dive right into sex, take the time to relax and set the mood so you can quit stressing and focus on the sexy thing at hand.

You're approaching or going through menopause.

During menopause or perimenopause, your estrogen levels plummet. Meaning? There's suddenly a reduced amount of moisture in your vagina. 

Sad face.

Estrogen basically helps maintain fluid and keeps the lining of your vagina extra juicy and elasticated - so a drop in this hormone could dry you out.

While this is a massive contributing factor to feeling dry during sex, Dr Stamatopoulos also said she often finds premenopausal women to have issues related to their pH levels. 

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"Most women I see in this group are usually related to a change in the pH or bacteria of the area. This is often through using soap, cleaning too often, infection and also the combined oral contraceptive pill."

For postmenopausal women, Dr Stamatopoulos said dryness can be associated with "hot flushes, night sweats, a change in psychological health such as frustration, ability to concentrate and irritability. This is not so much a medical condition as a change in life."

You're breastfeeding.

Similar to those women who are going through menopause, breastfeeding mums have low estrogen levels, meaning getting in the mood might prove to be harder than usual. 

So, do you just have to uh... wait?

"Breastfeeding is a common cause of vagina dryness because estrogen levels are still quite low. This can be fixed by using an oestrogen cream temporarily after birth," said Dr Stamatopoulos.

You're using the wrong lube.

You could be, you know. In case you didn't realise, your pH levels play a big part in vaginal dryness - like, HUGE. So you need to be careful with the kind of lube you're using to get wet - cause it could have the complete opposite effect. 

Steer clear of oil-based lubricants as these alter the pH of the vagina, increasing your chances of infection and dryness.

If you've recently been using a new lubricant and you're finding your vagina is drier than usual, switch to a different one and see if anything changes.

You're a smoker.

Would you look at that! Another reason to give up smoking. 

Did you know that cigarette smokers have a higher rate of of premature menopause than non-smokers? What's more, smoking can block small arteries in the vaginal area (the main reason we get wet is because these arteries enlarge), reducing moisture.

You're just not that into it.

Sometimes it's just that simple. While it's often overlooked, vaginal dryness might simply be caused by having a low sex drive or not feeling attracted to your partner. If they're not doing what you want them to do, or they're doing it ALL and it's just not working for you, you're not going to be as wet as you want to be.

Of course, if your vaginal dryness concerns you, or is severe and persistent, you should check in with your doc to make sure everything is okay. They can check for things like hormonal imbalances, infections, or any other conditions you might not know about.

Feature image: Getty

Do you have any tips you might like to add? Share with us in the comment section below.

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