“Everybody poops”: A first-timer’s guide to getting comfortable with anal sex.

Everybody has a butt! Which is why anal play can be incredibly fun and pleasurable for everyone in the bedroom.

But for many, anal play can be associated with negative thoughts from the get-go - people are worried about pain or they might think it’s unclean. Sometimes folks are just a little freaked out in general about the idea of someone or something touching their booty.

And that’s totally okay! We all have different things that we enjoy and find pleasurable. If your partner isn’t keen on anal, then it’s important to respect their boundaries and understand that they just might not be interested.

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No means no. "I don’t think I want to" also means no. "I’m not sure" means no. 

Communication is key - it’s always important to talk about anything new you’d like to try between the sheets, to ensure you are both on the same page and that anything happening is completely consensual.

Understand why they aren’t interested in butt stuff, and make sure you take the time to actually hear what they are saying. Any reason for being apprehensive is a valid reason!


Let your partner know why you’re interested in trying anal with them. Whether it’s the pleasure aspect, trying something new, or because you enjoy anal play alone. Explaining your point of view can work wonders and help them open up to it.

Education helps! Read about anal play and listen to podcasts that give sex and sexuality advice.

If you’re keen to explore anal, here are some of my tips. 

Number one: Start slow.

Baby steps are key! Start by playing with fingers only - don’t introduce anal toys yet.

You might have heard it before, but I'll say it again for the people in the back: lubricant is CRUCIAL when it comes to any type of anal play! The anus is not self-lubricating, which means if you try to insert anything without a little extra help, it could be pretty painful for the receiver.

Lube will make everything easier and should prevent discomfort or pain. Anal lubes are specifically designed with a slightly thicker, longer lasting formula, to keep all your bits safe.

Number two: Bigger isn’t better.

When you’re ready to delve into the world of anal toys it’s important to start small and work your way up. They don’t call it anal training for no reason!

Starting with a training set can be a great option. These sets typically include three different anal plugs with a small, medium, and large size. 

Anal play definitely isn’t a one size fits all, so this is perfect to work your way up and find what size works for you as well. Use graduated plugs and ensure they have a flared based so they are easily removable. 


Once you feel more comfortable, there are many types of anal toys you can play around with to find what sensations work for you. From anal beads, to plugs, to vibrating plugs, glass anal toys, cock ring plugs, butt plug tails…seriously, there’s something for everyone.

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If your partner doesn’t like the fullness of a plug, you could opt for some textured anal beads, or maybe they want a little extra sensation with a vibrating plug. The great thing about anal play is that there are so many different options, so you’re sure to find something that works for you and your partner.

A note about hygiene.

Many people can be scared to try anal because of the idea of it being unclean and unhygienic. Luckily, there are many solutions for this!

Typically, if you’re having regular bowel movements, there isn’t too much of a chance you’ll poop during anal play. 

If possible, try going to the bathroom an hour or so beforehand, and have a shower to ensure the area is squeaky clean. A wash with some warm water can do wonders!

If you’re particularly paranoid, enemas are also a great option to help “flush out” the anus. Enemas have a tip that is inserted into the butt to squeeze water inside. You simply hold the water for 10 or so seconds, and then release it, and repeat until the water runs clear.


But hey, sh*t happens – literally! There’s nothing to be embarrassed about if you happen to experience a bit of poop during your anal adventures. Everybody poops!

Sharing toys.

If possible, it’s always best to have your own toys that aren’t shared with a partner - to ensure everything stays 100 per cent clean and hygienic. Sharing bacteria between people is never a good idea, and this is particularly important for anal toys.

However, some toys such as glass toys can be sterilised in boiling water for a complete clean. If cleaned between use, these toys can be shared between partners (but hey, it’s best to just invest in your own anyway!).

All toys should be cleaned thoroughly after use. Always follow any specific instructions from the manufacturer, but as a general rule, a wash with warm water and a sex toy cleaner is a safe bet.

Have a safe word.

Always, always, always have a safe word to help your partner feel more comfortable with trying something new.

Trust is really important, so this can be a great way to help them feel a little more at ease.

Last of all, have fun! 

Emma Hewitt is a sex expert with Adulttoymegastore. Her podcast Electro Rodeo celebrates sexuality, sex toys and healthy sex lives.