The Twins recap Married at First Sight: Ines, you're about to get everything you deserve.

February 20, 2019

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Well.

Sam is accusing Elizabeth of completely wasting his time and just because you went rogue with the chicken pox doesn’t mean we forgot about how you went to a fake funeral for a week and wasted our time.

Quickly, their fight escalates and Elizabeth yells, “YOU PUT YOUR THUMB IN MY MOUTH!”

Oh. We didn’t know we’d get here so quickly but, yes, we were going to ask about that.

“Why would I put my thumb in your mouth?” Sam says, rudely, and we don’t know Sam – perhaps because your pok finger was itchy? And you thought it would be soothing?

Clare and Jessie Stephens

February 20, 2019

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The Spill

It would appear the finger sucking incident was one neither party a) wanted or b) enjoyed, making it the worst kind of sexual experience.

There's no resolution because both parties are horrifically embarrassed.

"Correct me if I’m wrong but I think through this experiment I’ve been quite nice to Elizabeth," Sam says.

Pause.

No you have not.

Continue.

He laments that Elizabeth is almost forcing him to get to know Ines, and Sam - you need to be euthanised. Mostly because of all your infections.

Sam decides it's best for everyone if he invites Ines over to bitch about Elizabeth. He really likes Ines' sense of humour, like when she calls Elizabeth a 'noisy bird'.

Sydney has now decided the contestants are allowed to return from their week long quarantine and everyone - but most of all the population of the Gold Coast - is very glad.

IT'S TIME FOR THE DINNER PARTY and Ning has a piece of inaccurate yet critical gossip.

Something about Sam and Ines. In Jess and Mick's room. Just standing there. With the door open. But a lil' closed.

No, it doesn't make sense.

But the point is that Ning. Saw. Something. And we just didn't expect Ning to become our new favourite person.

The couples all bond over the factually flawed but highly compelling gossip, until Ines and Bronson arrive.

At this point, Kim Kardashian takes her good friend, The Devil, aside and warns her about the allegations. But Ines isn't bothered by the only partially true rumours, and responds "I don't even want to talk about it, it's so lame," while laughing.

John. Aiken. Doesn't. Like. It. At. All.

There is nothing funny about breaking up a fake marriage, he mutters, before proclaiming, "I think there's some truth to these rumours".

No shit mate they literally had sex on television last night.

mafs — "She's making a mockery of this fine institution."

HUSH NOW DINNER IS SERVED, according to waiter with a fake French accent.

Heidi and Mike are having the same fight they've had a few times, which involves Heidi realising Mike is a dick and Mike explaining that he doesn't care.

You see, Heidi asked that Mike not speak to Jessika alone, which he promised not to do. But then he did it anyway, and can't see why she's mad. Obviously.

mike mafs — "A man. With a penis. And a bigger brain."

But this simply isn't enough drama for Cyrell.

She's promised Nic that she won't start sh*t tonight - which she now deeply regrets, because someone needs to start the sh*t.

And that person, Cyrell decides, should be Dino.

"Hi, we've never spoken," she begins. "But you know how to start shit, yeah?"

Dino nods, frightened, acknowledging that he hasn't been pulling his weight in terms of the a) gossip or, if we're honest b) the lols.

He asks Bronson if he's heard the rumour about Sam and Ines having public sex in the foyer of the hotel while burning a picture of Bronson, and that's not quite how the rumour went, but we'll allow it.

Although that sounds a lot like something Ines would do, Bronson decides he better ask her for clarification.

Both Sam and Ines publicly deny having sex and/or burning photographs and this can only end very, very badly.

That's when John Aiken notices a broken, comatose woman swaying back and forth at the dinner table and he decides that in his professional opinion, she is "unhappy".

But then the unhappy, seemingly unconscious woman overhears something.

Nic is talking about the weird finger sucking story and how he thinks it's time everyone discussed it. In an open forum. To find out why but also how but also why.

Sam starts yelling that Elizabeth wouldn't stop "trying to have sex" with him and he was pushing her away from him because he wasn't "that into" her - and that's when his thumb accidentally entered her mouth.

He concludes by telling Elizabeth she has completely lost her mind and no.

Sam's just being... mean. And we don't... like it.

Accidental finger sucking is a phenomenon that should be kept private. We've all been there (precisely none of us have been there).

Sam has a cruel smile on his face as he says that Elizabeth has wasted his time, and no. The experts are sassy now and they shan't stand for Sam's lies.

“I don’t think you’ve wasted your time, Sam," says Trish.

"I think you've been quite busy."

But Ines is bored by this conversation, in that it's not about her and/or her bird impersonations of Elizabeth, so decides to move to the next room and wait for Sam to join her.

Obviously he does, and no one who was accusing them of cheating like five minutes ago is even slightly suspicious.

They're talking about what they should do next, in terms of continuing their secret but also nationally televised affair, and Sam says he's probably going to say 'leave' this week.

Dude you can't exactly say stay after the finger sucking. That was... the end.

“Why do I get so horny when I see you..." says Ines. "I have six orgasms in my head.”

WHY.

PRETTY SURE THIS GUY STILL HAS THE CHICKEN POX.

Ines says she'd also like to leave next week, given that Bronson is still being... Bronson, and casually mentions that she'd like to pursue a relationship with Sam outside the experiment.

And that's when it happens.

"Ines has come on way too strong," says the man who went on television to marry a complete stranger.

"It's a bit of a turnoff."

NO, SIR.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

One does not simply 'break up' with Ines. You can't just change your mind SHE WILL EAT YOU AND KEEP YOUR EYEBALL FOR LATER.

"I'd hate to dodge one bullet for another bullet," Sam says, and oh.

This isn't going to end... never mind.

UNTIL NEXT WEEK.

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The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 13: The lie that's going to end in disaster.