Welcome to Mamamia's new column, Divorce Diaries, where Dr Gabrielle Morrissey answers questions around love, loss and relationship breakdowns. If you have an issue you'd like advice on, email us at email@example.com — you can be anonymous of course.
My mum didn't divorce my dad until my sister and I were grown up and had moved out of the house. She's always said she didn't want to make a choice that would hurt us so directly. And I feel like I had a decent childhood, even though it was clear my mum wasn't happy for years. I knew she was unhappy but if someone had asked me when I was a kid, if I wanted them to split up I probably would have said no.
Now as an adult, I find myself in a marriage that is doomed - I've tried everything to fix it and save it and there's just no way we are going to last.
We fight every single day and I don't think we like each other very much. It's hard for me to see the man I married when I look at him and I hate all the fighting. We have two small children and I feel selfish not staying in the marriage for them like my mother did for me.
Is it better to stay for the kids? Am I being an irresponsible mother choosing happiness over the family unit? Is it better to end a miserable marriage no matter the pain to others or wait until the kids are grown up?
If we turned the clock back even 50 to 70 years, the answer would be short and obvious: "Stay for the kids."