real life

'Marriage, kids, success: I blew up my "perfect" life, and I've never been happier.'

Two years ago, to quote a friend, I blew my life up.

I left a 10-year marriage, returned to my career after a five-year break, moved from the country to the coast, and started seeing a new man.

It was an intense and ~dramatic~ time, with mistakes along the way, but it was SO worth it.

Watch: Things Mums never say. Post continues below.


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Because I truly believe I have cracked the happiness code: I now live a part-time life.

I co-parent (four nights per week), I work part-time (four days per week) and my partner and I have three-to-four sleepovers per week.

Living this way has absolutely transformed my attitude towards work, parenting and romance. (In my previous life I worked and lived in the one location. It was the other extreme, and it wasn’t sustainable. I learnt you can’t be everything to everyone all the time without some kind of burnout. But that’s another story.)

Recently one night I was grinning from ear to ear, just generally feeling happy about everything, when my partner said, "Do you feel like you have the cake and you’re eating it too?"

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My answer was YES. That’s exactly how I feel. You can have it all! Just not full time!

When I’m with my kids, I’m so happy to be with them - I know it’s only half the week and I’ll have time for other stuff when they’re (happily) with their dad.

When I’m working, I’m productive. I’m attentive, energetic and I enjoy what I do.

When I’m having one-on-one time with my partner, I treasure it. We go out for dinner, stay up late, and sleep in when we want to.

My time is divided, and each role I play is limited each week. I am still me, in each of the roles, I am just more devoted in every moment. I don’t feel guilt, I don’t feel pressure, I don’t feel endless frustration.

For too long I looked at my life as if I was an outsider. It looked perfect; it looked right. Married, kids, successful business, a mortgage - we had it all.  But when I finally acknowledged to myself that I wasn’t happy, despite how good everything looked from the outside, I rediscovered myself.

I started to realise that the great dream of a happy family life, all together, all of the time, isn’t for me. This took a long time for me to admit to myself. 

Social pressure has an incredible impact on our own perceptions of happiness. And despite how progressive we are in many ways, I believe that in Australia there is an underlying sentiment that success = money + marriage + children.  

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Women especially have a hard time breaking out of this picture. Keeping our family together is supposed to be our number one priority. Above our happiness, above our self-worth, above our sense of fulfilment.  

I’m here to debunk that myth. I’m walking proof that breaking out of this does not in fact ruin your life, or - if you do it right - your children’s lives. It has been an eye-opening, totally transforming experience. 

It’s not for everyone, I know that. There are many ways to live a happy life. It just so happens that at 32, I’ve only now discovered what really works for me, and I want to share it in case there’s someone else who needs to hear it.

For me, discovering the part-time life makes me feel like I get the best of every world. I’m never stretched, or bored, or lonely. I have enough “me” time that my cup is always full, and I’m spending more focused time with my children than ever before. 

I’m engaged in my job and I have enough time away to avoid feeling over-worked. And I never feel like I’m neglecting my partner, because I know I can enjoy being a fun and doting girlfriend for three nights a week.

Yes, folks - I have the cake, and I am enjoying every last bite. 

Feature Image: Supplied.