To everyone not excited about the new royal baby, you should be.

There are two distinct groups of people today.

Those excited by the glorious birth of a royal baby boy, and those categorically and absolutely not.

To those in the latter group, the excited ones and I have a message for you:

What is wrong with you people? It’s a goddamn royal baby. This is exciting news dammit.

Any ol’ celebrity can pop out a baby, but this is different. It’s a royal baby.

Don’t you want to see all the fuss and traditions and hear the name reveal, and watch the pompous unfolding that is a royal baby being introduced into the world?

No? Well, that’s fine but let us have our joy please because we’re invested and YOU’RE RUINING IT.

We are sick of your eye rolls and your immediate shut downs when we try and tell you about how delightful Prince Harry was when he shared the baby news with the awaiting press.

I mean just look at this, he’s practically bursting with pride. It’s great. You can’t not like that. (Post continues after video.)

Video by Instagram

We certainly don’t appreciate your nonplussed shrugs when we tell you about the things Buckingham Palace said in the royal announcement that made us giggle.

“Her Royal Highness The Duchess of Sussex was safely delivered of a son at 05:26am today.”

She was delivered “of a son”. That’s funny guys.

What about Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s little nod to Diana when announcing the royal baby’s birth? Diana’s siblings were among the first to be told about the birth of her fourth grandchild.

THAT’S A REALLY NICE TOUCH.

Stop turning away from us please.

And yes, we hear you when you say such nonsensical things as “We don’t even know his name yet… and we haven’t even seen the baby. It’s not exciting.”

But you guys, they’re building suspense. GET ON THIS ROLLERCOASTER WITH US.

Can’t you be happy with the first nugget of news? The birth of a healthy (royal) baby boy?

We, Australia, actually have flesh in this game. They announced their pregnancy while on our shores. We’ve been there from the start.

We’ve been on the edge of our seats waiting for weeks, for what has felt like the most overdue baby in the history of time and space and then:

Middle of the night baby.

And not only that, we get to be excited all over again on Thursday when Prince Harry, Meghan and their son make their first appearance and announce the chosen name.

We will be front and centre with the popcorn ready to soak it all in, and we suggest you settle in beside us.

In a world of grim and depressing news, it has just turned into a week of pure fuss and happiness over something positive.

We get a reprieve from murders, rapes, terror and politics.

Don’t leave us hanging out here enjoying this happy news alone.

Royal babies don’t get born every day. This is history being written people.

Join us pls, you know you want to.