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We open on some baby birds having a gossip.
"This is the most exciting thing that's happened in our short lives."
Farmer Matt has travelled to the Mornington Peninsula to meet Tara's parents, Stuart and Liz, and also Stuart's... zinc cream.
Pleased to meet you SPF 50000.
Meanwhile, Farmer Rob is in Byron Bay visiting Vici at her place. Which is about to be swept away in... flood waters.
UM.
He meets her crystals and then plays her dog a song on his harmonica.
I
NEED
THESE
TWO
TO
LIVE
HAPPILY
EVER
AFTER.
Farmer Matt is now in Alex's hometown of Victor Harbor to meet her mum, her sister and her Pa.
Mum asks Matt what he's looking for in a partner and he says trust, which probably means not leaving the show and coming back again.
Meanwhile, Farmer Rob is meeting up with Kate and her twin sister.
It's all very wholesome.
It's time for Matt's final decision.
He gets scrubbed and stands under his final decision arch.
A car arrives. It's Tara.
He tells her he's loved getting to know her throughout this experience. But because she ran away that time he is concerned that she will abandon not only him, but their future kids, and their future kids' kids, plus the cows and sheep, as soon as things get tough.
BUT WAIT A MINUTE.
There's another car, and Alex has arrived.
Matt tells Alex that he's loved getting to know her but he can't ignore his connection with Tara, so she shan't be the wife for him.
Tara comes back and Alex tells her he loves her despite her propensity to abandon three generations of humans and also a range of farm animals.
They live happily ever after etc etc.
It's time for Rob's final decision and look, obviously he's going to choose Vici. For the crystal collection alone.
A car pulls out and Kate (or her twin sister) gets out.
Rob tells her she's been an absolute joy to have on the farm but he thinks they're just "really good mates" and that unfortunately he hasn't felt that lightning rod moment with her.
She wishes him all the best, and it's all very civil.
Vici arrives and they talk about how much they've enjoyed getting to know each other, riding horses together, chatting to Vici's crystal collection and then Farmer Rob clears his... throat.
He tells Vici he would be being dishonest if he said he could see a future for them.
Vici says "wow" and she's not wrong. She's the final of eight women Rob could not see a future with. Even a short future.
"SPEECHLESS."
Farmer Will has gone to see his friends Rob and Jo who met on a previous season of Farmer Wants A Wife for some last-minute advice. They basically tell him he needs to go with his heart which is helpful I guess.
Meanwhile, Farmer Andrew is off to Ash's hometown. They meet at the pub and play some SHUFL and talk about that time he left her sitting at the table alone for 45 minutes while he dealt with "the drama".
Farmer Will arrives in the big smoke of Melbourne to meet Jaimee's Canadian friends.
"She's from Canada, you see."
Jaimee's best friend Courtney takes Will for a private chat and asks him whether he would ever move back to Canada with Jaimee. Reminding him, once again, that Jaimee is from Canada.
Back in Brisbane, Ash's brother has got some things to say to that Andrew fella.
HERE'S
THE
DRAMA.
He sits down and says his sister is a "champion girl", who "doesn't cause drama" and that he assumes Andrew is choosing her.
Andrew doesn't know how to reply because of course he is going to choose the drama after talking so much about how he doesn't... want the drama.
Farmer Will is off to Kristina's hometown of Mount Gambier with flowers for her and her mum.
THIS
FRIGGIN
GUY
IS
TOO
MUCH.
Kristina's mum arrives and Will gives her the flowers and she says "YOU'RE A REAL COWBOY, AREN'T YA?"
"YOU ARE THE REAL DEAL."
Meanwhile, Farmer Andrew is in Jess' hometown to meet her three best friends.
One of her friends straight up asks him about that time he kissed Ash just before Jess declared her undying love for him.
"YEAH WE HEARD ABOUT THE DRAMA."
Jess says she wants Andrew to be her penguin, and he says they're on the right path for that.
Jess and Andrew leave her friends and go out for dinner together. Jess asks Andrew who he thinks he is more compatible with and he says... Ash.
It's time for Farmer Will's final decision.
The first car arrives and it's... Kristina.
They sit on their special final decision couch in the middle of a... paddock. Will tells Kristina that life on the farm with her would be perfect but his decision is "not for her".
Jaimee arrives and they sit on the final decision couch and Will says "I've decided I choose you if you'll have me".
And Jaimee says she "definitely will".
And holy shit, they're actually really cute.
LOVE THIS FOR THEM.
It's time for Farmer Andrew's final decision aka THE DRAMA.
Ash arrives first.
They sit on their special final decision bench and Andrew tells Ash that she's super chill and they have so much in common.
But unfortunately his heart belongs to someone else.
She's shattered.
Andrew then says he hopes she looks back at this journey as a "positive experience" but Ash is not quite ready to reflect, mate, you just broke her heart national telly.
Jess arrives.
Andrew tells her he's falling in love with her too.
They kiss. The cows in the paddock cheer.
Happy for them? I guess?
They live happily ever after etc etc.
Here's a cow in a wig:
UNTIL NEXT YEAR.
Keryn Donnelly is Mamamia's Pop Culture Editor. For more of her TV, film and book recommendations and to see photos of her dog, follow her on Instagram.
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Feature Image: Channel Seven.
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