The Twins recap Married at First Sight: A burning question for Brent and Tamara.

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It’s the morning of the second commitment ceremony, and Tamara and Brent are sleeping separately ever since Brent was watching television too loudly and Tamara (allegedly) called him a c**t.

Critical to this fight, of course, is the question of precisely how loud the television was, but there's a problem. 

Somehow, none of this exchange was caught on camera, and so now we’re into our second episode of watching a couple argue about an incident we a) didn’t witness, and b) don’t fully understand. 

Cool. 

Speaking of fights with no context, the mood in Sam and Al's apartment is dark because Sam feels Al pressured her into participating in the kissing task set by Alessandra. 

"The kissing task is like jury duty. You gotta do it."

Was the fight filmed? God no. Do we know what started it? Absolutely not. And without getting any of the lovely people at Channel Nine fired we have some concerns about staffing we'd like to raise because why aren't we filming the fights in the car on the way home if that's where people are deteriorating. 

But tonight, we're mostly worried about Holly. 

Despite being objectively victimised by Andrew, she gets flustered when asked to retell what happened and WE FUNDAMENTALLY UNDERSTAND BUT WE ALSO WANT THE DETAILS. 

When asked about what Andrew actually did, she says: “He CaLlEd Me NaMeS,” and SWEETIE WE NEED YOU TO BE MORE SPECIFIC. LIST. THE. NAMES. 

WE NEED THE WORDS, HOLLY. WRITE THEM DOWN. 

As the couples arrive at the commitment ceremony, we have a shocking announcement. 

The man who walked out of last night’s dinner party saying he was leaving, was filmed packing his bags and exiting the hotel, AND didn’t attend the pre-commitment ceremony mingle, has in fact… left the experiment. 

How is Holly to know if he wants to stay or leave if he doesn’t even sit on the couch beside her and write ‘Leave’? How?? 

Al looks around in abject shock because you have to come to the commitment ceremony? It’s one of the rules? Does Andrew know he’s going to get in trouble? From Alessandra and Mel and maybe even John Aiken? 

"John Aiken will probably need to arrest Andrew."

The experts invite Holly to come to the couch and tell her side of the story and… yes, well. She has palm cards. Approximately 37 of them and if everyone could just be quiet she has some things she’d like to say.

As she speaks vaguely about losing her voice and being disrespected, we realise that two people who love giving speeches can never be in a relationship together because - and we can't emphasise this enough - there is no one to do the listening.

Holly turns over to her 19th palm card and John Aiken's all like "I'm sorry do I look like I give a shit?" and OK in Holly's defence you're a clinical psychologist. So. That's why there's confusion.

"Mel, wake me up when she's finished."

Finally Holly finishes her 39 minute monologue, but excuse us because a man named Jackson has a rebuttal. 

Along with Liv, they argue that they watched Andrew "take accountability" for telling Holly she was a sh*t root/he preferred one night stands and how dare she "roll her eyes" at the nice man who was riddled with syphilis. 

"You didn't come off as the bigger person," Liv explains, reasoning that just because someone calls you a narcissist/walks out of the room when you express your desire to have offspring, doesn't mean you should move your chair at a dinner party like a fckn bitch. What are you?? Rude or something??? 

But John Aiken didn't come to work today to solve problems or stimulate personal growth, so he simply dismisses Holly from the couch. "I wrote Leave" she mutters as she sits back down with the group, and John's all like "yeah, thanks we got that after your first palm card x". 

"Anyone ever told you to deliver speeches in your own time?"

Liv and Jackson are smitten and look none of us are here for this so let’s swiftly move right along.

It’s Samantha and Al’s turn. 

John Aiken remarks that Al’s confidence has disappeared, which is really dangerous when you’re only a growing child. 

They describe the fight they had last night, where Sam became upset because she only just realised the five-minute kissing task was optional. 

“No one is ever meant to do anything they don’t want to do,” Alessandra says and honey. 

You… you make people marry a stranger. Then do the photo ranking task. Then they’re literally not allowed to leave... even if they write down the word ‘Leave’. Last week John Aiken demanded that Selin let Anthony back into her home even though she hates him and now Anthony has both a spray tan and a hair style he resents. 

Ultimately, Sam and Al decide to stay, along with a bunch of other couples bla bla bla OOO IT'S MITCH. 

John Aiken confronts Mitch about how he spoke to Ella at the dinner party last night, specifically when she said she'd like it if they kissed more and he said 'sounds like ur problem u insecure bitch lol'. 

Mitch concedes that, yeah, he can be blunt sometimes but no. John Aiken says, "that wasn't blunt, it was condescending" and then Mel shouts "DEMEANING" from nowhere while Alessandra shakes her head, full of disappointment. 

"It's really weird and we all blindly accept it."

Ultimately, they both decide to stay and ugh this is boring ever since the Texan went home.

Last up are Tamara and Brent, who are still in the midst of a fight we do not understand.

We desperately try to concentrate and understand the terms of the argument.

You see, Brent was watching a movie. And then Tamara asked that they listen to music. But maybe he turned the music on at the same time as the movie (?) and the music was too loud even though the movie was louder and WHY would ANYONE play music while a movie is on?? Is that not the real crime here???

But then apparently Tamara leaned over and called Brent a c**t and honestly if there was that much noise in a single room we'd be calling people c**ts as well. 

"It was noise pollution."

Brent feels as though Tamara can be quite controlling, as apparently she tells him when he can nap, how long he can nap for and what time he should go to bed. We believe him implicitly because that does sound like something Tamara would do.

But she explains that Brent is constantly complaining about being tired, so she's trying to help.

Just for the... record. All a relationship is, is people complaining about being tired until they die. 

Is it because we don't go to bed early enough? Absolutely. Will we go to bed earlier? No. Absolutely not.

Both decide to stay, but Brent begs: "Let me do the day-to-day things that make me, me."

Which we guess includes staying up too late and then complaining about being tired. And relatedly, eating bad food and complaining about stomach aches. 

"And I want her to say, 'I'm so sorry you feel that way'."

It's called being an adult, Tamara, look it up. 

Tamara is confused because her good friend Samantha over there has to put her boyfriend to bed, but that's because her boyfriend is Al. Who is a baby.

The experts provide no clarity. 

But the GOOD NEWS IS there are two new couples arriving tomorrow night. 

Hopefully one involves an STD-riddled Texan aka The Poor Man's Tony Robbins. 

UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT.

For more MAFS commentary and lols, you can follow Clare and Jessie Stephens on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. 

You can also listen to their comedy podcast, CANCELLED.  

Read our previous recaps here:

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 12: The most manipulative night we've seen on television. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 11: Andrew needs to be stopped. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 10: The couple that can't stop fighting about sex.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 9: The groom's decision that 'doesn't make any sense'.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 8: A messed up conversation about race.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 7: Sir. You did not just talk about pegging. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 6: We need to talk about Selin. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 5: Stop it. He’s doing everything for Instagram. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 4: 'The sex wasn't enjoyable for me.'

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 3: When your husband doesn't want to have sex with you.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 2: The groom who has everyone... baffled.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 1: "My wife is a psychopath."

Feature Image: Channel Nine + Mamamia.

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