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Mamamia recaps The Bachelors: DAMIEN JUST CROSSED A MASSIVE LINE.

It's time to meet the parents! First up, we have Felix's mum, dad, and brother, who all seem perfectly lovely. Felix is nervous because he has to tell his parents about the quote-unquote Jessica Situation.

Well, I'd feel sorry for you, Felix, but the quote-unquote Jessica Situation is a situation entirely of your own making and we've all had to suffer through the sheer tediousness of it these past hundreds of years. 

"I hope he's been well-behaved," Felix's mum, who is apparently the Chief Interrogation Officer, tells us.

Oh, Felix's mum. I'm afraid Felix gets an F on his report card in that regard.

Felix tells his family all about cat lady Abigail, who he's excited for them to meet. When it comes to Jessica, who he tells them is "cute, sweet, innocent", it's a different story.

"Say what?" 


"I just don't know why..." Felix's mum says to us. "There must be some other show she can go on."

We love Felix's mum. She can stay forever.

Abigail brings her friend Georgia to the family introduction because her parents are attending her sister's graduation. Georgia has appeared on the show before, in that episode where all the women's best friends were invited - also known as the episode where we met "conscious conversationalist" Damien. So when she's asked about how she feels about Felix and Abigail's relationship, she's less than impressed. All she has seen about their previous interaction is the quote-unquote Jessica Situation.

Felix's mum and Abigail sit down for a private chat, where Abigail tells her the "polyamory narrative" has taken up a lot of time. 


Then Abigail tells her the juicy gossip Jess shared the night before, about wanting to continue her sexual relationship with Damien. As you can imagine, the Chief Interrogation Officer is not happy.

Later on, Felix and Abigail debrief on how the family gathering went. Felix then attempts to eat Abigail's face.


Nom nom.

Next up we meet Alesia and Jed's families. It seems to be a Romeo and Juliet type situation, with Alesia's family not altogether sure about Jed.

"He's a drummer with tattoos, which is quite surprising," Alesia's dad says of his daughter's choice of bachelor. "But uh, there you go. I'm just a conservative ol' fella... Sounds like Jed's unrealistic. You can see that music's a big part of his life. That would become an issue in the future if you get engaged. So we're pretty sceptical."


OOF. You've got your work cut out for you, Jed.

Alesia's sister tells Jed he's only 25 and that an engagement at the end is not the right decision. Then Alesia's father asks Jed's mum what she thinks, given how different - at least externally - Jed and Alesia are. But Jed's mother doesn't have anything negative to say. She tells Alesia's dad she would never interfere in who her sons choose as their partners.

"I will support them till I die," she declares, hand on heart.

We love Jed's mum. She can stay forever.

Alesia tells us that while she wants to be with Jed, she doesn't want to be engaged, which I think is fair. She feels there is too much pressure. The question is: will Jed think so too?

Jed does not compute.


Nope, Jed is astounded Alesia doesn't want to be engaged to him at the end of the *checks notes* six weeks they've known each other. Hmmmmmmmmmmm.

The next day, Jed heads to his favourite place: The Palazzo Versace. We know because the camera zooms to the Palazzo Versace sign. And then Jed takes a very natural, not at all sponsor-placed, walk around the Palazzo Versace. After a strategically placed flashback between Jed and Angela, the camera once again zooms to the Palazzo Versace sign.

PALAZZO VERSACE! (There. I think that's enough coverage.)

Jed's fabulous mum comes walking in and he says, "Welcome to the Palazzo Versace!" 


After taking a millennia to put on her lipstick, Angela debriefs with her parents and grandfather, and then they go to meet Jed and his family. Jed is hoping this meeting goes much better than yesterday's disaster.

Angela's dad takes Jed aside and tells him he does not judge a book by its cover. He says he just wants to know that Jed is a good guy and that he would treat Angela right. He starts to cry as he talks to us about his daughter and I just want to squish him.


We love Angela's dad. He can stay forever.

Later on, Jed and Angela ecstatically tell each other they're falling in love. It's sweet. OMG, maybe Jed will choose Angela in the end, not Alesia.


We cut to Thomas, who is doing the most Bachelor thing we've seen thus far - gazing out into the distance by the ocean, shirtless.

I thought I told you to put them away, Thomas.


Thomas is prattling away in his voiceover about Lauren and Leah and to be honest I'm not really paying much attention because it's like listening to a summary when you've been here the whole time.

And then he says, "I'm done."

What? Done what? What's happening? What did I miss?

The producer interviewing Thomas in his piece to camera is confused too. "Uh, Thomas, what's going on?"

He explains he knows he is going to choose. So there are no more questions to be answered, unlike Felix and Jed, who still have so many questions. It means there will be no family introductions for him because he is already set on his future wife.

Thomas catches up with his mother, and explains what Leah and Lauren mean to him. He tells her he knows with his heart who he is meant to be with and they both start crying. She is so happy for him, telling us that it's usually her crying, not him.

The last meet-and-greet is of course between Felix's family and Jessica's family... and DAMIEN.

As Jessica sits with her two brothers in her hotel room, she tells them she doesn't know if Damien will come to the lunch, although she invited him. 


Of course, that's when he decides to make his grand entrance.


Strap yourselves in, folks, it's going to be a bumpy ride here on in.

Over at Felix's family gathering, Felix's mum tells him what Abigail told her - that Jess wants to continue her sexual relationship with Damien. Felix is shocked and says if that's the case then his relationship with Jessica is over. But he is more annoyed at Abigail for saying it than at Jess - who he doesn't think would lie.



Anyway, without further ado, here comes DAMIEN. Followed by Jess and her two brothers. This is the most awkward family meeting in the history of family meetings.

"I don't know what Da - uh, Felix, has told his family," Jessica tells us, almost getting Damien and Felix mixed up. Because, you know, they play the same role of course.

Jess tries to explain to Felix's family why she applied for the show and what Damien means to her. Felix's mum tells Damien she thinks he's being "pushed around here" but he blathers on about spirituality and feelings and Jess and being supportive and whatever else. 

This is the Chief Interrogation Officer's reaction:

Have we already said how much we love Felix's mum? Give this woman her own show!


Damien says he will be in Jess' life forever, no matter what happens, which FINALLY, after a THOUSAND years, as missed mathematically-challenged Krystal would say, Felix sees as a red flag.

Felix's mum asks Jessica if she can give Damien up and she answers by talking at length about monogamy, polyamory, children, and marriage. Which means a big fat NO.

Unlike Jessica, Felix's mum has no problem at all being direct. "Do you know what worries me? When you keep referring to it as an experience. It comes across as not sincere. A relationship is not an experience."

She tells Damien he has been used for an experience, to which Damien breathes in deeply with his eyes open wide in his irritating fashion of trying to look intelligent.

"I don't want Felix to be used as an experience," she continues. "You're going to move on to another experience. You are a girl of experiences."




After hearing all this, Jess and Damien take a moment to breathe each other in.

Please go away.

Jessica says something. Damien says something. I don't know what they're saying because I have stopped listening. That's how much they irritate me.

Felix takes Damien aside for a private chat and they talk for the billionth time about Jessica and what the relationship will look like if Felix chooses her. Felix wants Jess to choose between him and Damien. Damien tells us that the ultimatum p*sses him off because that's not how he and Jessica's relationship works. Then the two trade barbs back and forth. The conversation goes nowhere.


At this point, do any of us care about this anymore? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Oh look, it's still going on. 

Felix goes over to chat with Jess and Damien, who is sitting with one of her brothers. He asks her how she feels towards Damien, who tries to interrupt by saying it's a "conscious conversation" he's having with Jess himself, but Felix has reached the end of his very long tether. He wants answers.

Damien tells Jess to look at him. Jess's brother tries to say something - HE SPEAKS! - but Damien shuts him down rudely and basically tells him to eff off.

You know, I've kind of found Damien to be irritating, weird, and unlikeable so far, but here, in this moment, there's just something almost scary about him. I really don't like it. 

I've said this before about reality television dating shows - no matter how trashy you think it is, there is actually always something to learn. And what you learn is how relationships SHOULDN'T work. It teaches young women and men about behaviour they should watch out for. And here, right here, is the biggest RED FLAG I've seen on this show.

Felix is appalled by Damien's dismissal of Jess' brother. He tells her that he knows she loves Damien, but does that leave room for him too? 


As usual, Jess doesn't have an answer to give.

How will it all end? Who will Thomas, Jed, and Felix choose? The Bachelors Australia concludes in the finale episode at 7.30pm Sunday on 10 and 10 Play. 

Feature Image: Network 10.

Read previous The Bachelors recaps below.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 10: WE'RE ALL SICK OF HEARING ABOUT GODDAMN DAMIEN.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 9: I CAN'T BELIEVE FELIX SENT [REDACTED] HOME.


Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 7: Um... did Felix and Tilly just have sex in the pool?

Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 6: YOU CAN'T JUST BRING YOUR BOYFRIEND ONTO THE SHOW.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 5: NO. All the drama just walked out the door.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 4: THIS IS THE MOMENT WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 3: One woman's secret leads to total carnage.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 2: SOMEBODY NEEDS TO STOP FELIX.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 1: One Bachelor is BRUTALLY rejected on the first date.

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