Mamamia recaps The Bachelors: WE JUST WITNESSED THE MOST AWKWARD MOMENT IN BACHELOR HISTORY.

We pick up where we left off in the last episode - with a certain high-heeled villain vixen who was once engaged to a bachelor coming to see Jed at the Bach Pad. Tash tells Jed she had missed him a lot and that her decision to leave was a mistake. She asks him for a second chance.

Over in the other room, Felix and Thomas are not freaking out at all. LOL, I'm kidding of course, they're like anxious fathers-to-be pacing the hospital corridors, awaiting news of their newborn child.

"Can you hear anything?"

Jed tells Tash he has missed her too, but he is conflicted about allowing her back into the show. He takes a moment to regroup with his fellow bachelors, who make their feelings known in no uncertain terms.

Well. Tell us how you REALLY feel, Thomas.

Alrighty then.

Both Felix and Thomas tell Jed the other women have told them how problematic Tash was and discourage him from giving her a second chance. Jed goes back to sit with Tash, telling her it is important that all the women get along. She responds by saying the women are intimidated by her but that she will change her ways and won't cause any trouble. 

I mean, what's the point of coming back if you won't cause trouble, Tash? Do you even know why you're here?

Anyhoo, Jed is still confused, so he asks a producer for advice. The producer logically says the choice is up to him, WHICH IS NOT HELPFUL AT ALL.

Jed goes back to sit with Tash and gently tells her that their time has passed. She can't come back to the show. Tash gives one last plea but Jed holds firm. They share an awkward hug before Tash sashays out the door.

Felix and Thomas come over for a bonding moment with Jed, where he talks about letting his exes walk over him in the past. "I need to have some more respect for myself," he says, crying.

Awww, Jed. 

"Good puppy."

In the car, Tash is p*ssed about the rejection. "He probably thought I did it for him. I did it for myself," she says. "Maybe I should have just gone [for] Thomas. We'll just leave it at that."

Then she's gone. And I reckon this time it's for real.

Thanks for dropping by, Tash. Can't wait to see where you pop up next.

The next day, Felix finally takes cat lady Abigail on a date. They go for high tea at the Hilton, which is my idea of a perfect date. 

Now I didn't think anything could top the absurd fact that Felix did not know how to make a cup of tea, but as they sit down at the Hilton, Abigail confesses to Felix that she has a "massive phobia" of tomato sauce. She calls it "ketchup" which we all know is just wrong, but that's another conversation for another time.

"I just hate it. I hate it so much," she tells us.

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Aside from this slight hiccup, the couple actually have a very nice date. Maybe it's because there's not a pool in sight?

"This cold, emotionless rock that is Felix is starting to crack," Felix tells us proudly.

He invites Abigail back to the Bach Mansion so that he can give her a present, which turns out to be a coat for Minnie, the gorgeous cat we met several years ago in episode one. Then he whips out his phone for a FaceTime call with Minnie. "Hi, bubba!" Abigail says to her cat, tearing up.

"I just wanted her to know I understand how much a part Minnie is of her life," Felix says. "If I wanna win Abigail's affection, I've got to win Minnie's as well."

As a cat mum myself, I highly approve of all this. I am feeling teary as well.

Dear god, could it be that I am actually starting to... LIKE Felix? 

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Jed and a woman named Courtney, who I vaguely remember seeing in the background, are on a single date as well. Their date involves a trip to a studio where they make beautiful music together. Not THAT kind of music; I'm talking about literal music.

This is Courtney. Hi, Courtney!

Jed says, "Jesus, I'm so close." CLOSE TO GETTING THE LYRICS; GET YOUR MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER.

For Thomas and Leah's single date, they go for a ride in a jet boat. Not your most romantic setting - unless screaming into each other's faces is your thing - but that's the point. Thomas says all their dates have been romantic, so he just wanted to see a different side to Leah.

Afterwards they sit on a beach and Leah talks about her past relationships and how little self-worth she had. Her last boyfriend cheated on her, begged for a second chance, slept with her, and then broke up with her three hours later via text... it's enough to give anyone serious relationship trauma.

At the Bach Pad, the two hop into the spa for more alone time and Thomas tells Leah he is FALLING FOR HER! It's our first declaration of love on The Bachelors! Leah tells him she's falling in love with him too, whew. If not, that would have been a big matzo ball hanging out there (that's a Seinfeld reference, for all you heathens who have never watched the best comedy series of all time).

Awww. Even Felix's cold, emotionless heart gave a skip.

The next day the three bachelors go on a beach party group date. At this point, it feels like all the women are on the date because there are so few of them. 

It must be noted that this is Jed's beach attire:

Flared pants are an interesting choice for this occasion.

"I hate the beach. I hate the sand. I don't like sitting in the sun getting burnt," Jed tells us.

Our straight-talking queen Bella is wondering how she got into Jed's top four considering they haven't gone out on a single date or shared a kiss.

"What am I doing on this show? Am I here just for the funny one-liners?"

She and Jed go for a private chat, and Bella thinks this is THE MOMENT when the kiss will happen because she's touching her hair and looking deeply into his eyes... but alas, Jed just gives her a peck on the cheek and says they should rejoin the others.

"What does it mean when somebody's not ready to kiss you, but he's kissed all of your friends?" Bella asks us.

Well, I'm no expert, but I believe it's called "being friend-zoned", Bella. Much like Lou, who pulls Thomas aside to question him about their relationship. But before they can chat, Thomas has to go to the bathroom, leaving Lou standing around awkwardly.

When he gets back, Thomas breaks the news directly. "I feel a really strong connection to you. But I don't know, it's not going beyond a friendship," he says.

Oh, Lou. I guess we know who's going home at the rose ceremony tonight.

Meanwhile, Bella is still after her first kiss from Jed. All the other girls are telling her that today's the day, so she has to make it happen. "Frankly, I couldn't be any wetter if I jumped back into the river," she tells us. MWAHAHA, this is why we love Bella.

"I really wanna pash ya." Dear god, this is torture.

Jed tells her he is "just not ready yet." And then he says he has to go to the bathroom. What is with all the bachelors going to the bathroom? 

The talk with Jed and Bella is just SO AWKWARD. I can't stand it. I have such terrible second-hand embarrassment; I can't even watch that scene in You've Got Mail where Meg Ryan doesn't have her wallet and can't pay for her groceries, so Tom Hanks pays for them instead. I forward past that scene every goddamn time.

Between Bella's face in the foreground and Krystal's face in the background, you can tell how horribly the chat went.

The rose ceremony is up next and thank goodness because we couldn't take anymore of that god-awful beach party.

Why does there even need to be a rose ceremony tonight anyway? We all know friend-zoned Lou is going home.

It's obvious. She looks fabulous anyway.

And yep, Jasmine receives the last rose from Thomas, meaning Lou is out. Osher comes to announce her obituary and the women hug her in farewell.

Weirdly, Tilly remains at the edge of the group and grimaces. Did we miss something? Is there some sort of fight between Tilly and Lou we aren't privy to?

What's with this look?

Tomorrow night's promo is looking juicy, with our queen Bella asking the bachelors whether they have considered doing a "honey badger", LOL. Also, I blessedly forgot Jess was here, but it looks like the fixation on her polyamorous relationship is back on the table, ugh.

Also, three women will be leaving in one of the most "in real time" rose ceremonies in Bachelor history, with the men handing out the roses while the entire group is having dinner. 

Is drama on the menu? You bet your bippy.

So let's make some predictions for who is going home. In Jed's camp, we have Alesia (who he will pick in the end), Courtney, Angela, and Bella. I'm sorry, Bella, but I don't think you'll be getting that pash... or that rose.

In Thomas' camp, we have Leah (who is his soulmate), Kiki, Lauren, and Jasmine. He will let Jasmine go.

In Felix's camp, we have Tilly, Abigail, Krystal, and Jessica. This is a tough one: will it be Krystal or Jess? Maybe it's wishful thinking, but I'm leaning towards Jess. I reckon it's time for her to go home to Damien and for them to debrief in another "conscious conversation".

WILL OUR PREDICTIONS BE RIGHT? LET'S FIND OUT TOMORROW.

The Bachelors Australia continues 7.30pm tomorrow, followed by Tuesday, Wednesday, and Sunday on 10 and 10 Play. 

Feature Image: Network 10.

Read previous The Bachelors recaps below.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 7: Um... did Felix and Tilly just have sex in the pool?

Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 6: YOU CAN'T JUST BRING YOUR BOYFRIEND ONTO THE SHOW.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 5: NO. All the drama just walked out the door.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 4: THIS IS THE MOMENT WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 3: One woman's secret leads to total carnage.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 2: SOMEBODY NEEDS TO STOP FELIX.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 1: One Bachelor is BRUTALLY rejected on the first date.