Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: JUST DATE YOUR FRIEND THEN, DAN.

To catch up on all the Married at First Sight recaps and gossip, check out the MAFS hub page. We've got you covered.

The experiment is officially halfway. Cam is strumming a guitar with a sex toy and this is my 18th recap. We're all clearly thriving.

Even Sandy and Dan. The couple were feeling hot and bothered after a commitment ceremony full of cheating scandals and Dan confessing he wasn't sexually attracted to his fake wife. So, they took the natural next step: sex.

"It went from him telling me he's not sexually attracted to me, to we have a big fight, to 'I need a cuddle', to we have sex," Sandy explains.

Okay, cool, but more importantly Melinda and Layton are talking sh*t about Harrison.

THESE ARE MY PEOPLE.

I love them.

Harrison is continuing to play nurse for Bronte, who has major endo-related period pain, by getting her coffee and foregoing his usual trip to the gym. Which he tells us about. Because he is a very selfless person. Obviously.

Infamous feminist icon and ally: Harrison

The intruder couples are finally moving into the apartments, after presumably spending two nights on the streets after the dinner party and commitment ceremony. Hugo didn't think it was much different to his usual pillow on the floor, but I'm glad the remaining three will be a little more comfy from now on.

They are about to undertake a 'crash course' in relationships, to get them up to speed with the other very serious five-week-old couples.

Rupert is flexing his newfound grasp on the English language by speaking. In sentences. That make sense. 

Huge development

He's now facing a new challenge, however: how to wake Evelyn up without putting a scolding hot cup of coffee in her hand as she sleeps.

Meanwhile, Cam's put down the sex toy guitar long enough to surprise Lyndall with flowers and engage in some juicy gossip. So he's come around to gossip! Welcome, Cam!

He's pissed that Claire wrote 'stay' last night, forcing Jesse to stick around another week when he just wants to go home.

In her room, Claire is reminiscing on the good times between her and Jesse, which really boil down to approximately three days that took place between Alessandra teaching them how to hug and her coming clean about the cheating.

"It's not over yet," she reckons.

But Jesse is wearing a Satan shirt and a devil mask.

So that's where he's at with this whole thing.

MOOD

Tayla thinks Hugo is a bit of a man baby, because he has a sore back from sleeping on the ground and would like her to understand that he has feelings.

What a tough spot that's certainly not of her own making!

OMG THEIR FAMILIES ARE COMING.

I cannot BELIEVE the families are arriving the day after Janelle leaves. I needed her brothers to confront Adam about his cheating.

It's not that I think I could make better choices than the producers. But it's not that I don't think that.

Jesse is pissed about having to go for lunch with Claire and her dad, who is also a hugger. Claire hasn't told him much about their relationship, which he assumes means they're going really well.

OH YOU SWEET NAЇVE ANGEL MAN.

Once Claire drops the news, I simply just need to remove the "naïve". 

WHAT A SWEET ANGEL MAN. 

He is hurt that she would do that and checks in on how Jesse is doing, before he grasps their hands, tells them only they can decide what they can and cannot get over, but that (fake) marriage is often worth fighting for.

This seems to make Jesse less sure of what he wants to do, but he doesn't think he's ready to forgive at the rate everyone expects him to.

At least he gets a hug?!

Silver linings!

Evelyn and Rupert are also hugging, as mandated by their 'crash course'.

Rupert is so down to talk now that he even tries to talk through the three-minute cuddle. Evelyn has to shush him, in a polite way. He's come so far!

Meanwhile, Tayla and Hugo are given the most toxic task of them all: ranking the brides and grooms by hotness.

It gets off to a terrible start because Tayla does not even realise his photo is on the table. She ranks Cam at the top, because he's from the country and Jesse last, because he gives her "serial killer vibes".

I AM, ON ONE HAND, SUPER ANNOYED BY THIS COMMENT, AND ON THE OTHER I DESPERATELY WANT TO HIDE THE DEVIL MASK IMAGE FROM EARLIER.

A producer asks her if there is anything about Hugo she finds attractive and she takes 10 minutes to ponder such a thing.

"He's............. tall?"

Then she lies, obviously, and places him first.

Hugo questions her sincerity and idk what gave him that idea????

Then he makes a crucial error.

"I want to put you first, but do you reckon you deserve to be at the top with how you have been treating me?" he asks.

OH HUGO.

HUGO!!!!!!

ABORT!!!!!!

She jokes that she deserves to be last, and HE SAYS MAYBE SHE'S RIGHT.

Then he places her second to last and I'm sure this does not spell complete doom for their relationship and/or Hugo's... life. 

Oh wow.

Alyssa's mum has flown all the way from Utah to be here and she has the same question as all of us: how the f*** was Duncan still single?

One conversation about whether he has concerns about Alyssa being a single mum (nope!) later, and her mum is as in love with him as Alyssa and precisely all of us.

Your existence almost makes up for Harrison's <3

UH OH.

DAN GOT LOST IN THE GYM AGAIN AND HASN'T BEEN SEEN OR HEARD FROM FOR HOURS.

Their friends and family are arriving soon but he's vanished, and Sandy is spiralling about whether he regrets sleeping with her.

"I only want to give myself to someone that I care about, but I want them to care about me as well," she says.

Ahhhh, the MAFS trash ratio continues. Adam has left, but in steps Dan to fulfill the mandatory 'at least two' dirtbag quota (Harrison is eternal, obviously).

Welcome to the club!

Oh no. Hugo's sh*t ranking of the brides has rendered Tayla physically ill.

She's realised Hugo is not very nice, besides when he is nice to her, and he thinks she's acting like someone "p*ssed in her cornflakes".

Do you ever stop to ponder where idioms came from? Because yuck.

"My back's hurting from carrying this relationship," he says, and it's sweet that he does not also mention the sleeping on the floor thing.

"Reccos appreciated. For both"

Dan returns from his run/the gym/a mountain he's just climbed, saying he needed time out because he feels caged by the experiment.

Are his six-hour gym sessions inside this cage or? 

He says he finds it constricting that Sandy does not also spend six hours at the gym every day. 

Then his friend - yes, one of the women with opinions at the wedding! - and Sandy's sister turn up, and Dan says he is questioning their compatibility.

Because Sandy is allergic to the ocean and Dan is allergic to people who are allergic to the ocean.

Sandy's sister is like, 'hold up, do you want a real human woman with her own life or do you want a robot who can just slot into your life and do everything you want to do and going on camping trips to the gym?'

Go off, Queen.

Dan and his friend go outside for a chat and Dan starts talking like a robot who is programmed to speak only in motivational quotes.

SO MAYBE THAT IS THE PROBLEM.

"But not with Sandy"

He says that Sandy's inability to get in the ocean GIVES HIM ANXIETY.

Does he know eczema is not contagious??? HE CAN STILL GO IN THE OCEAN??? SHE DOESN'T NEED TO SWIM WITH YOU??? HAVING SEPARATE INTERESTS IS A COMPLETELY NORMAL, FINE AND HEALTHY PART OF ANY RELATIONSHIP???

Omg.

Then he asks if we/producers see the energy he has with his friend, and says that is what he is looking for in a relationship.

JUST DATE YOUR FRIEND THEN, DAN (I know, I know, we've all seen the spoilers).

Afterwards, Dan tells Sandy he asked the experts for someone who is "very active, very into their fitness, goes running, goes to the gym" and OKAY. Does this sound a little dog-whistly to anyone else???

"I only date people who run 15 marathons a week"

"This is an exhausting conversation," he says, and YES. IT IS. BECAUSE OF HIM.

"You are raising your voice, you're talking over the top of me," he continues.

WHAT? WHEN? WHERE?

Why do these people keep blatantly lying about their arguments when it is literally all on camera. We know Sandy hasn't raised her voice.

Ahh, another day, another bad MAFS groom.

Catch ya tomorrow!

Chelsea McLaughlin is Mamamia's Senior Entertainment Writer. For more pop culture takes, recommendations and sarcasm, you can follow her on Instagram.

Catch up on our MAFS recaps here: 

• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: When you 'cheat' in the very first episode.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The groom who hates when women... speak.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: A brother tries to sabotage his sister's wedding.
  
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: CLAIRE IS A NATIONAL HERO.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: SIR, YOU CANNOT JUST PRETEND YOU DIDN'T HAVE SEX.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Two red flags walk into a dinner party.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: This is what GASLIGHTING looks like.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: "I am not a f***ing disposable sex toy."
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Two grooms make John Aiken VERY MAD.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: WHO TOLD JOSH THIS WOULD BE FUN?
  
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Shannon just became public enemy #1.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Well, that was a clusterf***.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: John Aiken breaks his own rules. Twice.
  
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: A cheating scandal completely unravels.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: ADAM BETTER RUN.
• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: Adam digs himself the deepest hole OF ALL TIME.
  
• Mamamia recaps Married at First Sight: We're back to holding people against their will. 

Feature Image: Channel Nine.