couples

Ask Sean: “My boyfriend poops in front of me all the time. Is he too comfortable around me?"

Ask Sean: “My boyfriend poops in front of me all the time. Is that a bad sign for our relationship?”

When it comes to figuring out men, it sometimes pays to skip the girl talk and head straight to the source. This weekly column is my advice on your most burning questions about guys. And since I’m gay, I’m kind of halfway inside your head already. Let’s dive in!

This week, you asked:

“What does it mean if your partner goes to the toilet in front of you? I’m in a long-term relationship, and my boyfriend will happily call me into the bathroom to have a conversation while he’s doing a number two. Does it mean he’s too comfortable, and doesn’t care about impressing me anymore? Or should I take it as a compliment? He’s also happy to fart, burp, and generally be his grossest self around me. I’m not turned off by it, but I do wonder what it means. Help!”

I’ve always believed that the moment he’s ready to pee in front of you, he likes you. The moment he farts in front of you, he’s in love. And the moment he poops in front of you, he must be shopping for a ring.

Obviously, that’s not true for every man. Some guys are much less comfortable with nudity and prefer that bodily functions are kept a mystery. But in this case, it sounds about right.

I reckon he’s comfortably in love with you. Too comfortable? I don’t think there’s such a thing. 

How do you know if you ACTUALLY love the person you’re with? Post continues after video. 

Video by MMC
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In your case, he’s literally choosing to give up a few minutes of alone time (who even does that?) to talk with you. Instead of pooping in silence or playing on his phone for a few minutes, he’s called you in to start or finish a conversation. Personally, I think that’s sweet.

Not sweet-smelling, but you get the point.

In situations like yours (yes, it’s quite a common concern) I like to ask girls if it turns them off or makes them feel sick. If the answer is “yes”, I tell them to communicate that with their partner. When communication starts to fade, so does everything else in the relationship. Telling your partner what your non-negotiables are is critical to long-term happiness. 

But if the answer is “no” like it is in your case, then I respond with “Who gives a f**k?”

A lot of people – men and women included – have a complex about going to the bathroom in front of others. Shy bladder syndrome (or paruresis) is a very real thing. In fact, it’s such a major issue that I’ve literally had three conversations about it in the past month alone.

But men, on average, just care a lot less about being gross in front of their partners. It’s not something we think or talk about. Would we choose to watch poop coming out of someone? No. But do we often laugh it off, recognising that it’s a normal part of the human experience that literally every single person from foetus to death does? You bet your ass. (Pun intended.)

It sounds like your man falls into this camp. He clearly doesn’t think it’s an issue and just wants to be around you more often. What’s not to love about that?

So if the question is “to poop, or not to poop”, I say poop. Just make sure to wash your hands afterwards.

Read more from Ask Sean: 

Sean Szeps is a freelancer, and Mamamia’s resident Agony Uncle. To ask him a question, you can email [email protected] You can also follow Sean on Instagram, or listen to him on Mamamia’s parenting podcast, The Baby Bubble

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