couples

Ask Sean: "My ex is getting married and I feel... weird about it."

When it comes to figuring out men, it sometimes pays to skip the girl talk and head straight to the source. This column is my advice on your most burning questions about guys. And since I’m gay, I’m kind of halfway inside your head already. Let’s dive in!

This week, you asked:

“I’ve been with my current boyfriend for four years and we’re in a committed and loving relationship. Recently I found out my ex boyfriend of six years (from the ages of 15 to 21) is getting married. We have been ‘friends’ (I use that term loosely, as we do only talk when we’re around mutual friends) since we broke up, and I would never want us to get back together but my question is; Is it weird for me to be upset that my ex is getting married?”

I’ve always felt that if you ever truly loved someone, the love would never go away.

Maybe it quickly morphs into hatred, or you realise with time that it’s insignificant in comparison to the relationships that follow. But either way, all great loves are impossible to forget.

I reckon this is simply a scab that has been forcefully ripped open. And all scabs are the same: painful at first, impossible to leave alone, but destined to disappear.

Instead of avoiding this or allowing it to consume you, why not choose to treat this as the final stage of your post-breakup healing process?

How do you actually know if you’re in love with the person you’re dating? We have some thoughts. Post continues after video.

Video by MMC
ADVERTISEMENT

I suggest you allow yourself to feel whatever emotions come up. Bitch about this to your girlfriends. Cry over the wedding photos in the comfort of your bathroom in the middle of the night. And delete, unfollow, unsubscribe or block his ass officially. Whatever makes you feel even the slightest bit better.

Once those feelings have been truly expressed, it’s time to close that chapter for good. If you were the one that broke his heart, acknowledge that he deserves happiness too. Sometimes admitting you were the problem is enough to let someone go. If he broke your heart, recall that terrible post-breakup struggle. Force yourself to accept that even though he may have been right for you, you simply weren’t right for him. And there’s nothing you can do to change that.

For most of us, the happiness of those we once loved momentarily blinds us to the reality of our past. We look back with jealousy or competitiveness, neglecting to recall how much hurt actually occurred. That’s why it’s so crucial to accept that your relationship ended for a reason. Then remind yourself of what it took – emotionally and mentally – to get where you are today.

Then, turn to your loving boyfriend and hug him. Kiss him. Have sex on the spot and every day for a week. Focus on what you have standing right in front of you.

Oh, and don’t worry about congratulating him or telling your current boyfriend how you’re feeling. This is your journey, not theirs.

Good luck!

Sean Szeps is a freelancer, and Mamamia’s resident Agony Uncle. To ask him a question, you can email [email protected] You can also follow Sean on Instagram, or listen to him on Mamamia’s parenting podcast, The Baby Bubble

00:00 / ???