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Mamamia recaps Bachelor in Paradise: A bizarre exit and a rogue rose.

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It's the next day in Paradise and Kiki and Ciarran are already... back together.

After having "hot make-up sex" (we didn't need to know that), the pair are frolicking in the water in their matching fluro yellow swimmers and braids.

"He looks like a white Snoop Dogg," Mary tells the group.

Who... are you? 


It's... weird for us all.

Elsewhere, Timm is currently nowhere to be seen.

"He's probably done a runner," Brittany H jokes and goodness, not again.

Timm really needs to stop breaking Jamie's heart. 


Over in his room, Timm is ruminating the events of last night's Bula Banquet.

"Last night was absolute chaos. It got out of control. I don't think it brings out the best in me," Timm admits.

"I think I want to get out into the big wide world and do it with [Brittany H]."

Timm takes Brittany H away for a chat and he tells her that he wants to leave Paradise.

"I haven't been myself in here," he tells her. "I'm struggling."

Brittany H tells Timm that she doesn't want to stay in Paradise without him, and that she's ready to leave.

They pack their bags and walk out the door... without saying goodbye to anyone.

It's all very uneventful and weird and there's literally no word of their exit ever again. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Oh... okay. 


Back in the villa, Keira is still feeling a 'lil bit confused about Alex's feelings for her.

"He did say that he needed space and I thought it was for three minutes, but he meant the whole day," Keira tells producers and this is not going to end well.

Keira takes Alex for a chat but before he can even sit down, she asks him to move so that she can "get her good side".

They discuss last night's Bula Banquet and Keira is still upset that Alex said he would take Keely on a single date instead of her.

"You said you would take Kelsey on a date. Is that her name?" Keira asks.

"It's Keely," Alex responds.


She tells Alex that she needs someone who is a little more "emotionally intelligent" and uh, aren't you the one who didn't understand the meaning of space?



Alex attempts to break things off with Keira... again, before Keira makes it clear that she was actually the one that ended their relationship.

 Oh... okay. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

They agree to remain friends, and Keira tells producers that she's still going to try and secure a friendship rose from Alex.





It's a... miscellaneous woman from Richie's season.

No, seriously. 

We've never seen this woman in our lives.

We don't know... who you are. 


After "Mia" settles in, Alisha arrives with a date card.

Naturally, the group assumes that the date will likely go to one of the new arrivals.

But instead, it goes to Matt... again.

Matt picks Renee to go on another date and everyone is pissed.

Ciarran is all like "THIS IS BULLSH*T INNIT" and it's uncomfortable for us all.

"I haven't had a date," Ciarran adds and mate, pls. You've had more than enough time with the women in this villa.

Later on, while watching Jackson and conga Brittney play football, Cass tells Alex that she wants Jackson to hurry up and make up his fkn mind.

"Dude, it's not a f***ing tough choice, is it?" she tells Alex

"Like, are you serious? Do you know what I mean?"

Ah, you realise you're being recorded... at all times, right? 


After tackling each other to the ground, conga Brittney takes Jackson to a mini date on the beach.


Jackson tells her that he doesn't think Cass is being genuine with him and finally. Jackson is finally seeing the light.

"I want to end up with someone who I can spend the rest of my life with," he says.

"I want someone I can have fun with on the outside."

"Does that mean you're pursuing me?" conga Brittney asks, and they kiss.





After their date wraps up, Jackson takes Cass "for a chat" and tells her that he doesn't want to "drag two girls along".

Jackson apologises to Cass and she tells him that "it's fine" and that she's "happy for Brittney".

But speaking to the producers, it's a different story.

"I hate people that waste my time. Myself and Jackson are well and truly done. He can f*ck off."

Oh... okay. Cool.



Elsewhere, Renee and Matt are flying a love heart kite on their date and it's... not going well.

(Do people actually fly kites on dates? Is that a thing? Or did Osher just spend the rest of the show's budget on his Hawaiian shirts?)

This is the worst date. Ever. 



After giving up on kite flying, the pair share cocktails and discuss how difficult it is being in a relationship when your ex is always... around.

"It's hard to move on with [Ciarran] here," Renee admits.

"You've come out of a relationship recently, I came out of a relationship a year and a half ago," Matt adds and sweetie, are you forgetting about a certain Jessika Power orrrr?


Back at the villa, Keira and Cass are watching on as Keely and Alex watch the sunset together.

She tells Cass that she doesn't want Keely to "steal" her rose and uh, didn't you break up with Alex?

The next day, Keira is still somehow convinced that she's getting Alex's rose.

"He's already told me he's going to give me his rose. Who else is he going to give it to?" Keira tells the group.

"That's a bit rude," Keely responds. "We've been chatting."


Elsewhere, Alex tells Glenn that his relationship with Keira has fizzled out to nothing but a friendship.

"But I just heard her say that you promised her a rose," Glenn asks.

"I definitely didn't promise her a rose," he responded.

Oh... no.

Alex confronts Keira about the comment and she claims that she actually didn't tell Keely that.

Do these people... not understand the whole camera/microphone situation?

We. Heard. You.

Watch: The love lessons learned from Bachelor in Paradise. Post continues below.

Video via Mamamia.

Elsewhere, Cass tells Mary and Conor that she has had "a thing for Alex" from the start and wait, what the f*ck? 

She immeditately calls him over and admits her feelings for him and Alex looks... terrified.

She tells him that he should "consider his options" and "eliminate" one of the other girls and FFS. Are we watching Survivor now?

Why is everyone so desperate to stay in Paradise. Just... go home, pls.

"Just pick me. Just pick me and we'll see how this goes," Cass tells him.

OK. This is a love square now. Cool. 


After Alex is accosted by Cass, Scot with one T and Mia (?) are literally drifting out to sea on a giant flamingo.

It's unclear whether they actually make it back to shore... BUT OSHER HAS ARRIVED.

He announces that there will be a rose cermeony tonight, and two women will be leaving Paradise.

Oh no.

It's time for the cocktail party and Alex is sh*tting himself.

Almost immediately, Keira takes him away for a chat. 

"Don't pick someone if you're not interested in them," she tells him, and that's precisely why he asked to just be friends lol.

Meanwhile, Keely and Cass are still hoping for Alex's rose and Keira is... not impressed.

Oh... no. 


Keely tells Alex that she wants to get to know him more, and Alex admits to producers that he's leaning towards her.

Cass, on the other hand, tells Alex that he should "eliminate" Keira. 


Oh sh*t.

It's time for the rose ceremony.

Osher is staring lovingly at the roses, and are u ok?







Jackson picks Britt (thank god), Ciarran picks Kiki, Conor picks Mary, Scot with one T picks Mia, and Matt picks Renee.

It's time for Alex to give away his rose, and Keira, Cass and Keely are left.

"This dweeb better give me his rose," Keira tells producers and harsh.

Alex's pick? Keira.



Feature Image: Channel 10.

Catch up on all our recaps here:

Mamamia recaps Bachelor in Paradise episode 1: It's been one day, and we already have a love triangle.
Mamamia recaps Bachelor in Paradise episode 2: Jamie needs to calm the hell down.
Mamamia recaps Bachelor in Paradise episode 3: We finally found out the real reason Ciarran left Angie.
Mamamia recaps Bachelor in Paradise episode 4: Everyone is drunk and crying.
Mamamia recaps Bachelor in Paradise episode 5: Keira is back and she... broke Alisha.
Mamamia recaps Bachelor in Paradise episode 6: We need to talk about the Ciarran situation.
Mamamia recaps Bachelor in Paradise episode 7: Ciarran and the double standard of the 'bro code'.
Mamamia recaps Bachelor in Paradise episode 8: A love triangle and a lie.
Mamamia recaps Bachelor in Paradise episode 9: A producer breaks up a... physical fight.

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