reality tv

Mamamia recaps Bachelor in Paradise: A producer breaks up a... physical fight.

To catch up on all the Bachelor in Paradise Australia 2020 recaps and gossip, check out Mamamia’s recaps and visit our Bachelor in Paradise hub page.

Welcome back.

It's Sunday night and we're all feeling a 'lil bit sad because a) Niranga is gone, and b) We miss Niranga's face.

via GIPHY

We pick up where last week's rose ceremony left off and conga Brittney is feeling guilty about not giving Jamie another friendship rose.

She tells the group that if she was able to choose first, she would have chose Jackson and well, duh. Osher definitely did you dirty.

After storming off and being comforted by Scot with one T, Jackson takes conga Brittney away for a chat.

He tells her that he was a 'lil bit confused when Cass gave him her rose and well, same.

Elsewhere, Renee, Matt and Scot with one T are discussing Ciarran and Kiki's relationship when Renee drops a ~bombshell~.

Here's a quick rundown: Ciarran was calling Renee in The Bachelor house and he ended up leaving the house for her. After getting back together, Ciarran cheated on Renee and they split up. Then, just days later, Ciarran slept "with Kiki and three other girls", before entering Paradise. (We can't keep up.)

"And then there's the whole Jess situation," Renee added.

"Poor Kiki doesn't even know that they were having sex."

Oh sh*t.

via GIPHY

It's the next day and the couples in Paradise are looking all loved up.

Well... not all of them.

Over by the pool, Keira is trying to secure Alex's rose, and he doesn't seem that... keen. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

"I love that you're matching me with the skin colour," Keira tells him.

"Oh my god, you're wearing skin colour and he's got skin. What a coincidence," Jackson chimes in.

...Awkward.

Pls. 

ADVERTISEMENT

Elsewhere, Alisha tells Cass that she thinks conga Brittney was hurt by Cass' decision to give Jackson her rose at last night's ceremony.

"I'm a pretty laidback individual. I don't need to compete with other girls," Cass tells producers and uh, are you sure about that? 

Alisha tells her that she should apologise for that one time she said she wouldn't give Jackson a rose before she did *checks notes* just that.

"I can't say that I'm actually sorry," Cass replies.

Mary responds... accordingly: 

Oh. 

Sh*t. 

ADVERTISEMENT

After talking to the other girls, Cass takes conga Brittney away for a chat and apologises... without actually apologising. 

Conga Brittney tells her that she shared another kiss with Jackson last night and Cass doesn't quite understand.

"I think I'm confused," Cass tells the producers.

"Like... it's Brittney. What the f*ck?"

NO.

LEAVE BRITTNEY ALONE.

via GIPHY

Meanwhile, Timm, Ciarran and Alex are discussing their respective partners in Paradise.

Ciarran shares that he's "whipped" for his "Malibu Barbie" (pls no), but Alex, on the other hand, isn't really feeling his current situation with Keira.

"It's a bit too much. I'm kind of wanting my space," he admits. 

"If a glamour does walk into Paradise and I do find her attractive straight away, I'm not going to hold back."

Pause.

WE HAVE A NEW ARRIVAL.

It's Keely (?) who was on Matt's season of The Bachelor... apparently. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

????? 

ADVERTISEMENT

After meeting the other contestants, Keely tells the girls that she's keen to get to know Scot with one T and Alex. 

She immediately takes Alex away "for a chat" and yep, this will not end well.

"Does this Kelsey chick think she's got a chance," Keira asks the group.

"It's Keely," conga Brittney responds and... awkward.

As Keira continues to talk sh*t about Kelsey Keely, Alex tells Keely that he's "open minded and open to anything" in Paradise.

Oh... no.

Timm is here and he has a date card.

It goes to Cass and seriously, Osher? 

STOP STARTING SH*T.

Despite chatting to conga Brittney, Cass picks Jackson. FFS.

FFS. 

ADVERTISEMENT

Later on, Alex, who has never had a serious girlfriend, tells Ciarran that he's "sh*t scared" of Keira.

"I'm worried she will punch me if I break up with her," Alex admits and sweetie, that's not... normal.

He finds Keira and tells her that he wants to "step back" and "reassess everything". 

But after Alex asks Keira for some space, Keira essentially refuses to accept it.

"You're so in touch with your emotions. That is so inspiring to me," she responds, and um, you've kind of missed the point.

Elsewhere, Jackson and Cass are snorkelling on their single date.

They share some snacks on the beach and Jackson admits that he still doesn't know who he's going for.

"There are 10 days left. Get off the fence," Cass responds.

CASS, PLS.

CALM DOWN.

Watch: The love lessons learned from Bachelor in Paradise. Post continues below.


Video via Mamamia.

Back at the villa, Keely is in the pool in the mere vicinity of Alex when Keira decides to come over.

Yep, she has... completely misunderstood.

"You've been quite distant with me today," Keira tells Alex and uh, that was kind of the point.

ADVERTISEMENT

Alex explains that he asked for space earlier, and Keira awkwardly heads off.

"I'm gonna be the new Stage Five Clinger this season," she tells producers and pls, no one will ever beat Jamie.

Oooooooh.

OSHER IS HERE.

He announces that there will be a Bula Banquet tonight and John Aiken's planning to start some sh*t again with a question box. 

Will this show ever stop trying to be Married At First Sight?

via GIPHY

Oh no. 

It's time for the Bula Banquet and Jackson and Cass have arrived holding hands.

The questions kick off and the group ask whether Cass and Jackson are "together".

Jackson admits that he was leaning towards conga Brittney earlier, but now he's leaning towards Cass and he still hasn't chosen a side.

DUDE, NO.

YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT.

As the night continues Keira admits that she wrote questions specifically for Alex and Keely... and why couldn't you just, erm, ask them directly? 

Alex is asked who he would take on a single date and he admits that he would probably take Keely.

Oh sh*t.

via GIPHY

"How does a guy not like me?" Keira tells producers.

"Does he not know who I am?"

In a less... dramatic moment, the men are asked how they would describe their partner in Paradise.

"Where do I start?" Glenn responds and STOP IT.

"You made me feel so comfortable so quickly. I've never had someone bring out my personality like you have," he tells Alisha.

"I just can't stop staring at you."

Wait... is this an actual, genuine relationship on Bachelor in Paradise? A real relationship that doesn't involve lyin' and cheatin' and "fkn dogs"?

IF THEY'RE NOT TOGETHER AFTER THIS, WE'RE SUING.

WE LOVE YOU. 

ADVERTISEMENT

After going around the table, Alex asks if anyone will say something about Keely.

"You can say something because you obviously want to," Keira responds, before storming off.

"I can't believe I forgot my popcorn again," Mary says, and same.

Later on, Keira returns to the banquet and the questions are getting... dirtier.

For the next question, Renee is asked if her feelings for Matt are "real" or if she's just taking out "revenge" on Ciarran.

Hmmm... I wonder who asked this?

Timm. Stop stirring the pot, pls. 

ADVERTISEMENT

"I think you're great and I'm here for the right reasons," Renee tells the group.

"I can truly be myself and not hide anything and it's the best feeling," Matt responds.

As the group awkwardly sit in silence, Matt finally speaks some fkn sense.

"There's a lot of double standards going on here in Paradise," he tells producers.

"I'm supposedly a dog for hooking up with a single girl, but what about Ciarran running amuck? If Ciarran and Kiki did have something going on in the outside, Kiki might have to find out that Ciarran was sleeping around."

YES, SIR. 

CALL. IT. OUT.

via GIPHY

"This is better than watching The Bold and the Beautiful," Mary adds.

Later on, Kiki is asked how she feels about Ciarran being intimate in Paradise with oher women. 

"I would never be with anyone who would mislead me or withhold information," she tells the group and sweetie... that's exactly what's happening.

Renee quietly tells Alisha that Kiki "doesn't know" about Ciarran's night with Jess, and Ciarran promptly storms off with Timm and Jackson in tow.

Once the banquet wraps up, Kiki admits to Alisha that she had a ~pre-arranged agreement~ with Ciarran prior to entering Paradise.

Oh... cool.

Elsewhere, Ciarran and Timm are havin' a bitch about... precisely everyone.

"They're all just d*ckheads, mate," Ciarran tells Timm, before Timm starts going off about Matt being a "rat", a "dog" and a "snake".

FFS. Are we really talking about this bro code bullsh*t again?

"Bro." 

ADVERTISEMENT

Eventually, Matt decides to confront Timm about him ~stirring the pot~.

Timm tells Matt that the whole group "hates him", and Matt starts asking everyone else if "they like him".

We're getting school camp argument vibes and it's weird for us all.

Timm is all like, "YOU'RE A DOG BRO. EVERYONE IN AUSTRALIA WILL SEE THAT YOU'RE A RAT. YOU DOG. FKN SNAKE," and do you have any insults that aren't animal related orrrr? 

OH. 

DEAR. 

ADVERTISEMENT

GOD. 

The boys rush over and there's a lot of finger-wagging and pushing and "OI OI OI" until a rogue producer breaks it up.

Who are you, pls? 

ADVERTISEMENT

"I've done nothing wrong," Matt tells the group later on. 

"I've hooked up with a chick I have a connection with. He's just a guy I met three months ago on a TV show. He's not my best mate."

FINALLY. SOMEONE WHO GETS IT.

After the fight settles down, Kiki and Ciarran head back to their room.

Kiki asks Ciarran to be honest with her, and he tells her: "I f*cked Jess"

via GIPHY

"You've made me feel so stupid. I'm so embarrassed," Kiki responds.

"I don't really feel that bad for being with Jess," Ciarran tells producers.

"I probably should have not thought with my dick," and no truer words have ever been said.

UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT.

Feature Image: Channel 10.

Catch up on all our recaps here:

Mamamia recaps Bachelor in Paradise episode 1: It's been one day, and we already have a love triangle.
Mamamia recaps Bachelor in Paradise episode 2: Jamie needs to calm the hell down.
Mamamia recaps Bachelor in Paradise episode 3: We finally found out the real reason Ciarran left Angie.
Mamamia recaps Bachelor in Paradise episode 4: Everyone is drunk and crying.
Mamamia recaps Bachelor in Paradise episode 5: Keira is back and she... broke Alisha.
Mamamia recaps Bachelor in Paradise episode 6: We need to talk about the Ciarran situation.
Mamamia recaps Bachelor in Paradise episode 7: Ciarran and the double standard of the 'bro code'.
Mamamia recaps Bachelor in Paradise episode 8: A love triangle and a lie.

For recaps delivered straight to your inbox, click here and select "Mamamia Recaps" so you don’t miss out on any of the laughs!

00:00 / ???