A moment for Hollywood's professional trolls.

Do you hear that? Those are the cries of insomniacs the world over.

In a new interview for the Wall Street Journal, Dakota Johnson has shared a quote that feels like a distant, beautiful, impossible dream to us. It is *unreal*. It's like, if you handed us a lamp harbouring a magical genie, the thing we would wish for before anything else.

Fourteen – yes, FOURTEEN – god damn hours of sleep a night. 

"Sleep is my number one priority in life," she told the publication. "I'm not functional if I get less than ten. I can easily go 14 hours."

Sobbing into my mug of coffee.

Watch: Robert Pattinson has paved the way for Dakota Johnson's fibs. Post continues below video.

Video via Today.

Johnson's Wall Street Journal quotes have, of course, fascinated the world. Fourteen hours is simply absurd to 99 per cent of us, right? But it gets better.

Johnson also shared that she's a big fan of bath time, which can actually be any time at all. 

"I will get in a bathtub at any moment, any time of the day," she said. "If in the middle of the day, I'm like, 'Oh God, what is this world?' I'll get in the bathtub. I find water really grounding."


She also meditates twice a day to help with anxiety, is "really into" breathwork, hot yoga, Pilates and body weight training. And she's "not really a breakfast person" but wakes up with an oat milk flat white.

I deeply respect the way she says she lives her life. It's absurd, but it is also my dream life (especially when the nepo royalty bank account is factored in). But forgive me for also being wildly suspicious.

Johnson's most infamous moment is her takedown of Ellen DeGeneres, of course, but besides a history of speaking truth to power, she's also a professional Hollywood troll. 

Remember her bowl of limes?

On March 11, 2020, a truly cursed time, Architectural Digest innocently posted its latest Open Door video, with Johnson giving viewers a tour of her LA home. The house was beautiful, rich etc. but the most important details were linked to her chaotic explanations of the decor. Like her outdoor table, made of wood from Winston Churchill's boat, that no one was actually allowed to sit at. 

And the limes.

"I love limes," Johnson said, referencing a platter full of them. She reiterated: "I love them. They're great. I love them so much, and I like to present them like this in my house."


You can tell she loves limes by the way she caresses them. Image: Architectural Digest.

She didn't love limes, though. She was just playing along with the set dressing she didn't even know would be there until she saw them. And, as she later told Jimmy Fallon, she is actually allergic to them.

Immediately, Johnson the troll was born.


She's in good company, too.

Robert Pattinson is the King of Celebrity Trolls.

Among the many lies he has shared during press was his passion for 'Piccolini Cuscino', a microwaved pasta dish involving sugar and cornflakes that he claimed to have created. Another lie, I suppose I must say allegedly, came when he doubled down on the pasta story by claiming he was using the interview in which he made it as a 'proof of concept' to sell it to a frozen food business. 

He's also claimed to smell like crayons, not remember the plot of Tenet while promoting Tenet, and to have a ballerina living inside him.

Plus, of course, there was the dead clown.

In 2011, Pattinson reached Expert Level trolling when he blatantly lied on the Today show while promoting Water for Elephants, in which he played a circus hand.

"The first time I went to the circus, somebody died," he told host Matt Lauer. "One of the clowns died."

"Are you being serious right now?" Lauer responded.

"His little car exploded. The joke car exploded on him. Seriously... Everybody ran out. It was terrifying. It was the only time I've ever been to the circus."

A week later, he confessed to making the entire thing up.

There are other dabblers, like our homegrown occasional troll, Jacob Elordi, who endeared himself to fan this year with silly little cardigans, and silly little stories about his approach to playing Elvis Presley in Sofia Coppolla's Priscilla.


Among his tales, he said prior to the role he was only familiar with Elvis from Lilo & Stitch. The quote was delightful and funny, and of course went completely viral. But the truth is probably less silly, especially considering in 2020, more than a year before he was cast, he and then-girlfriend Kaia Gerber (who in a weird turn of events is now dating the OTHER recent Elvis, Austin Butler), dressed as Elvis and Priscilla for Halloween.

It's insanely clever when you think about it. Being silly, hyperbolic about sleep, straight up lying about citrus or making up pasta tales that defy all reason is chaotic good. It's fun. It's funny. And it delivers on the promotional front without a celeb needing to really divulge anything about their personal life — which someone like Johnson, who is currently doing press for The Disappearance of Shere Hite, a documentary she narrates, and gearing up for the release of her big superhero film, Madame Web, has always been coy about.

So, it seems, celebrities have figured out there is more than one way to making a major splash: the first, of course, is gossip. The second is trolling. 

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Feature image: Getty.

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