Forget attachment styles, Birth Order Theory is the new personality reading trend.

It turns out the order in which we are born impacts everything — including our dating life

According to sexologist Chantelle Otten, star signs are great at telling us about our compatibility with others. But there's also another method to analyse our dating style, and it's the Birth Order Theory.

Penned by Otten, she used the #eldestdaughtersyndrome trend on TikTok to help create Bumble's Birth Order Theory Dating Guide.

And boy does it give us the juicy tea about our dating styles, identifies our great qualities in relationships and even tells us about our, uh, not-so-great ones...

Watch: Signs you're dating a narcissist. Post continues after video. 

Video via Mamamia.

Mamamia spoke to Otten, who shared that the framework was originally developed by Austrian psychologist and psychiatrist Alfred Adler in 1964. 

"Birth Order Theory explores how family dynamics may affect your behaviour," she explains. "Adler's theory suggests that different positions in a family birth order may influence life outcomes, and the experiences of the eldest, middle, youngest and solo children."


After seeing trends floating around on TikTok, she used Adler's own theory to concoct something fun and playful for our dating lives as well.

"We’ve easily applied the Birth Order Theory to dating because dating is not just about looks," Otten says. "The type of person you are and your personality has a massive influence on your dating life. 

"It determines who we choose to be with and who we’re compatible with."

Here is exactly how to figure out how to compliment your own dating styles, your green flags, your red flags and what exactly you need in a relationship. 

(And remember: this guide doesn't have a list of hard and fast rules. Take what works for you and leave what doesn't.)

I'm the oldest sibling (first-born).

Green flags: Organised, ambitious, takes charge.

Red flags: Dominant, controlling.

There's a lot of good that comes with being a first-born, but it doesn't mean there aren't some qualities you don't need to be wary of... 

In fact, Otten encourages first-borns to trust their partners a little more and strive for a balanced relationship that is mutually fulfilling.

"Dating a first-born means you're partnering with someone who is organised, ambitious, and naturally inclined to take charge," she tells Mamamia. 

"Embrace these strengths as they can lead to a relationship where goals are set and dreams are pursued passionately. 


"However, their preference for dominance or control can sometimes feel overwhelming. Open communication is the key here. 

"Encourage your first-born partner to trust in your abilities and understand that a relationship is a shared journey, not a one-person show. Together, you can navigate towards a balanced and mutually fulfilling partnership."

Interestingly enough, Otten notes that while first-borns tend to be more independent and mature, a first-born who is a twin or a triplet might not display these traits at all... 

The same goes for the eldest daughters in some families, who may be much more mature than the eldest sons, as they might have had more responsibility placed on them growing up.

I'm the middle sibling (middle-born).

Green flags: Adaptable, peacemaker, mediator.

Red flags: Craves attention, people pleaser, compromising.

If you're dating a middle-born, you might find that their love language is Words of Affirmation as they have constantly had to deal with fighting for attention, and this validation, growing up. 

"Dating a middle-born invites you into a dynamic where adaptability and compromise are priority. These traits can lead to effective conflict resolution and a more harmonious relationship," she tells Mamamia. "However, you should be mindful that their tendency to seek attention and to please others might sometimes overshadow their own needs. 


"As their partner, it's crucial to continually reassure them of their value and affirm their feelings. Encourage open dialogue about their wants and needs, and underline that compromise in a relationship does not require them to put their own desires on the back burner." 

I'm the youngest sibling (last-born).

Green flags: Sociable, charming, loving.

Red flags: Temperamental, irresponsible, self-centred, risk-taker.

There's a steady stream of love that pours from the youngest sibling, but it's not always fun to date one, says Otten. 

"In a relationship with a last-born, you're likely to experience their sociability, charm, and abundance of love. Their engaging personality can add a layer of adventure and spontaneity to your partnership," she says. "However, you might also find yourself grappling with their mood swings, irresponsible episodes, or instances of self-centeredness."

But that doesn't mean they're not wonderful people to date. 

"Address these challenges by maintaining open communication about your expectations and boundaries. Encourage your last-born partner to strike a balance between their naturally adventurous spirit and a necessary sense of responsibility," Otten advises.

"Appreciate their vibrant personality, while gently reminding them that a successful, long-term relationship requires mutual effort and contribution." 

Listen to this episode of Sealed Section, hosted by sexologist Chantelle Otten. Post continues after audio.


I'm an only child (only children).

Green flags: Mature, independent, ambitious.

Red flags: Spoiled, lonely, sensitive, bossy.

There's a unique experience in dating an only child, says Otten. It could be a strange situation, if you have siblings and have only ever dated another person who does, as well. 

But there's definite potential for a wonderful, fulfilling relationship.

"Dating an only child, you'll encounter a unique combination of maturity, independence, and ambition. These qualities can contribute to a strong and goal-oriented relationship," Otten tells Mamamia. "Yet, having been the exclusive focus of their parents, they may at times exhibit bossiness, sensitivity, or feelings of loneliness."

To navigate these situations requires "empathy and understanding" Otten explains. 

"Create an atmosphere where they feel safe expressing their feelings, but also remind them that a relationship thrives on shared experiences and decisions. Encourage them to utilise their strengths, while understanding the importance of compromise and emotional sensitivity in a lasting relationship." 

Do you think the Birth Order Theory is accurate? Let us know in the comments below!

Feature Image: Getty.

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