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To catch up on all the Bachelor in Paradise Australia 2020 recaps and gossip, check out Mamamia’s recaps and visit our Bachelor in Paradise hub page.
Well.
That was unexpected.
At some point in the last 48 hours, Keira and Jamie's friendship (?) has progressed to the point that Keira is covering a near-naked Jamie in a fresh layer of Bondi Sands.
It's weird for all of us... but mostly Keira.
What.
The.
F*CK.
After getting lathered in a fresh layer of fake tan, Jamie chats to the boys about his situation with conga Brittney.
He tells them that their relationship is purely "friendship-based", and that he hopes another guy walks in to Paradise to "blow her absolute socks off".
"If she ended up with one of my best mates, that would be great," he added.
Elsewhere in Paradise, Renee is speaking to the group about who she wants to see enter Paradise.
She tells them that she's hoping to see Matt Whyatt, a.k.a the BMX rider from Angie's season who may or may not have been in a relationship with a certain Jessika Power.
You see, it turns out Renee and Matt have a little bit of ~history~.
The pair went on a holiday together with a bunch of reality TV contestants while Renee was still dating Ciarran, in what was essentially Bachelor in Paradise... without cameras. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Wait.
WE HAVE A NEW ARRIVAL.
IT'S THE PIE MAN.
IT'S JACKSON PLS.
Everyone is excited, but not as excited as Jamie... who is presumably having Timm withdrawals at this point.
A very normal reaction.
"Jackson's literally one of my best friends," he tells producers.
"I've slept at Jackson's house, I went to his Dad's 50th, we're very tight. I know his whole family. I know all his friends. I'm very excited to see him."
Oh... okay.
After meeting the rest of the group, Jackson takes the boys away for a drink, and asks them all who they have paired up with.
"There's the Brittany with Timm, and there's a Brittney with me," Jamie tells Jackson and uh, what?
Have you forgotten what you were saying about conga Brittney finding someone else literally five minutes ago?
JAMIE, PLS.
Conga Brittney arrives and she asks Jackson to come "for a chat".
They head over to a day bed, and Jackson asks whether she's been interested in anyone else in the villa besides Jamie.
"No, just the tree," she responds and look, same.
While the pair are chatting, Alisha asks Jamie what he thinks about the possibility of Jackson and conga Brittney getting together.
"I see him more suiting Cass," he says, because of course he does.
Meanwhile, Renee is still talking about how she wants to see Matt show up in Paradise.
Wait a damn minute.
Why is it that every time a former contestant is mentioned... they miraculously just show up in Paradise?
Okay, yep.
We called it.
MATT HAS ARRIVED AND HE HAS A DATE CARD.
He immediately picks Renee for the date and Ciarran, who has dated approximately 34 women on the show so far, starts complaining about the "bro code".
He tells producers that Renee and Matt were texting back and forth prior to the show after Ciarran and Renee had split up.
"I was like, 'Bro, if you want to get with her, just let me know,'" Ciarran explained.
Wait. So it's okay for Ciarran to date Renee's friend Jess, but it's not okay for Renee to date Ciarran's friend Matt without asking for permission? Cool. Makes sense.
Watch the promo for Tuesday night's episode of Bachelor in Paradise below. Post continues after video.
Over at their date, Matt and Renee ride a rogue tandem bike together to a picnic, which is presumably Matt's dream date.
They talk about ~their feelings~ for each other, before sharing a kiss.
Back at the villa, Osher has arrived and he's startin' sh*t again.
He tells the group that they'll be having yet another Bula Banquet tonight, and the theme is... blantantly aimed at Ciarran.
Osher announces that the theme is the "difference between the bro code and the girl code", and Ciarran doesn't look amused:
FFS.
Once again, the group will be able to ask each other ~anonymous questions~, which have most definitely been planted by sh*t stirring producers.
Yep, this will not end well.
When the Bula Banquet begins, a gecko starts the evening off appropriately by taking a literal sh*t on the table:
Nice.
Ooooooh.
Matt and Renee have returned from their date, and the questions have started flowing in.
The first question: What is the bro code?
After sharing their answers around the table, Ciarran and Matt share that they both define the bro code as "respect"... which immediately annoys Ciarran.
Ciarran says that he wanted Matt to ask him permission to take Renee on a date, which is funny considering we didn't see Ciarran ask anyone permission to hang out with Abbie, Cass, Jess, or Kiki etc. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Later on, the boys are asked if they have genuine feelings for the person they gave a rose to at last night's ceremony.
Jamie tells the group that he's given his two roses to "the biggest legend in Paradise", and that he "couldn't imagine waking up here without her".
"As friends," conga Brittney chimes in.
Please... stop.
JAMIE, PLS. YOU NEED TO MAKE YOUR MIND UP.
YOU'RE RUINING HER CHANCES WITH THE PIE MAN.
Alisha asks Jamie if he would put a good word in for conga Brittney with Jackson and he says... no.
"I'm not going to go up to Garlo and say take that girl on a date. Why would I do that?" he asked.
"It's actually none of your business."
HOLD UP.
AN UNIDENTIFIED MAN IS CALLING JAMIE OUT ON HIS SH*T.
"LISTEN TO WHAT I'M SAYING BEFORE YOU TALK," the miscellaneous man says.
"If I went out with a good guy friend and a good girl friend and I knew that they had interest for each other, I'd be putting in a good word for my girl friend."
YEAH, JAMIE.
WE GENUINELY DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE. BUT WE LOVE YOU.
Once the Bula Banquet wraps up, Jackson takes conga Brittney away for a chat... while Jamie has a 'lil tanty.
"I don't have Timm here, I've lost Helena. This is the worst day in Paradise," Jamie tells Brittany H, before beginning yet another monologue about his apparent love for Helena.
THIS? AGAIN???
"I did my nuts over her, hey," he says, and what the actual f*ck does that mean.
"She's all soft," he continues.
"She just feels like an angel, you know."
SWEET JESUS.
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE CHECK ON HELENA?
It's the next day, and Jamie is telling the boys that he's hoping to see Megan Marx walk into Paradise because she's "easy on the eye".
He tells them that they were apparently texting before Paradise, despite the fact that Jake left Paradise to rekindle his relationship with her.
We... can't keep up.
PAUSE.
Scott and his eyebrows from Angie's season have arrived in Paradise and he's wearing an avocado shirt.
It's deeply triggering for us all, but mostly for conga Brittney because of the obvious:
NEVER.
FORGET.
After Scott takes Cass away for a chat, Jamie tells Jackson that he thinks he's "rose shopping" because he hasn't had a chat to any of the other girls who are already coupled up.
"I just care about Brittney," Jamie tells producers and uh, are you sure about that?
Later on, Jackson interrupts Scott and pulls Cass away for a chat.
He takes Cass to a secluded spot, and gives her a "slippery" and "moist" massage.
Pls, no.
MAKE IT STOP.
Elsewhere in Paradise, Niranga has realised that his chances of getting a rose are now low, considering Cass is now interested in both Jackson and Scott.
Pause.
Alex has returned and he has a date card... FOR NIRANGA.
YOU DESERVE IT SWEETIE.
IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING?
IS OUR MAN GETTING SCREEN TIME???
He chooses conga Brittney and she looks... upset.
"He's doing that last minute switch to get a rose from me," she tells producers.
"I'm always the second choice. I don't want to go on this date."
UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT.
Feature Image: Channel 10.
Catch up on all our recaps here:
Mamamia recaps Bachelor in Paradise episode 1: It's been one day, and we already have a love triangle.
Mamamia recaps Bachelor in Paradise episode 2: Jamie needs to calm the hell down.
Mamamia recaps Bachelor in Paradise episode 3: We finally found out the real reason Ciarran left Angie.
Mamamia recaps Bachelor in Paradise episode 4: Everyone is drunk and crying.
Mamamia recaps Bachelor in Paradise episode 5: Keira is back and she... broke Alisha.
Mamamia recaps Bachelor in Paradise episode 6: We need to talk about the Ciarran situation.
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