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The 7 new love languages: What we keep getting wrong about the way we need to be loved.

Love is hard, right? In fact, we'd argue it might be the hardest thing in the world to get right. 

With the myriad of ways to fall in love, be loved and express love for others - it's no wonder some of us have such trouble navigating it.

Enter: love languages. 

Watch: Dating, explained. Post continues after video. 


Video via Mamamia.

Except the iconic five created by Gary Chapman in the 1980s is not what we should be looking for guidance from anymore, but instead a new improved set of languages that looks at relationships through a modern lens.

Truity conducted a long range survey using the information provided by over 500,000 respondents. The results? 

A more inclusive, individual and in-depth look at love.

CEO & Founder of Truity, Molly Owens sought out to bring a theory similar to Chapmans, but one that looked at a wide, varied amount of individuals instead of married Christian couples in homogeneous relationships. 

"We saw from the data that as gender norms have changed, the expectations we have for our romantic relationships have become very different. For heterosexual couples, in particular, the division of labour across gender lines is no longer neatly circumscribed, leading to an expansion of what we expect from our partners," Owens told Mamamia. 

"As an example, in Chapman’s book he consistently frames a man doing housework as him 'helping out' his wife - not to mention multiple anecdotes from husbands who have succeeded in bringing home a paycheck and are baffled by their wives asking them to do anything further. 

"While these attitudes aren’t totally behind us, in an era when a full half of women earn as much as, or more than their male partners, most couples expect to bring more of themselves to a partnership."

Since Chapman's 1992 book: The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate - which delved into interpersonal relationships based on his own findings - new research has found that couples desire for more than they did over 30 years ago.

"The original Love Languages framework we still found to be largely validated, but we had enough data to see that it needed to be expanded to include the two new love languages that large swaths of the survey set identified," Owens explained.

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So... What exactly are the 7 Love Languages and what do they mean?

Activity

These people feel special and valued when their partner actually takes an interest in their hobbies and activities. Even more so, those who resonate most with the Activity Love Language feel especially valued when their partner makes an effort to enjoy those hobbies and interests with them. 

Appreciation

People who feel the Appreciation Love Language applies most to them will feel loved and adored when their partner showers them in compliments, praises and appreciation. 

Being told explicitly that they are admired and loved is deeply appreciated by them. 

Emotional

The Emotional Love Language will resonate with many of those who feel as though they can connect with their partner and be supported through even the toughest of times. 

Partners who are present during the worst and the best moments will feel very valued by someone with an Emotional Love Language.

Financial

A person who feels loved when they have a partner who is generous with their money and sees the value in giving, is someone with a Financial Love Language. 

The way they feel valued and appreciated will mostly be through gives or resources.

(Remember: the gifts do not have to be expensive or lavish, just well-meaning!)

While you're here, listen to Cancelled's episode on Love Actually. Hosted by Clare and Jessie Stephens. Post continues after podcast.


Intellectual

People with the Intellectual Love Language like to connect through the mind. 

They feel loved when their partner values their intelligence, respects their opinion, and takes part in thoughtful discussion of important issues.

Physical

Those who most identify with the Physical Love Language feel adored and validated through physical affection - hugs, hand holding and cuddling are just some of the myriad of ways to connect with your partner and show them you're in this for the long haul.

Practical

People with the Practical Love Language feel the most loved when their partners chip in with everyday duties and responsibilities. 

They feel cared for when their loved ones do chores and offer help.

An expert's guide to navigating love - the right way. 

Owens advises those looking to date in a society as perplexing as ours, to really put in the work. 

"The landscape of modern relationships is complex, but the more you work at it – and use the tools available to you to better listen to your partner’s and your own needs – the more you can grow and find fulfillment in your relationship," she shared.

"There are no silver bullets, you have to do the work!"

Feature Image: Getty / Mamamia.

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