Have you ever wondered what sex feels like for men? The Mamamia office has.
It's near impossible to imagine how getting down and dirty feeeeeeeels for the penis possessors. So, naturally, we decided to find out.
And the answers? They're kinda surprising.
Prepare yourself for some giggle-inducing, cringeworthy similes, reader friends!
What does sex feel like for men?
"A slice of heaven that just makes you go mmmmmm."
A Mamamia employee – let's call him Mike – describes the act of sex as "a warm slice of heaven that makes you feel like you've just taken the biggest mood-boosting drug on earth."
"Just thinking about it, all I can think of is 'mmmmmmmmm'," he told me. "Yep, just 'mmmmmm'."
Alrighty, then!
Watch: Mamamia's sex survey asked Australia women intimate details about their sex lives and this is what they had to say. Post continues after video.
"Soft velvety tissues."
According to one anonymous Redditor, sex feels "warm and wet" - while the vagina is like "soft velvety tissues around your penis".
"Moving feels good," the, uh, very descriptive man continues. "It feels really good. Whether it's moving back and forth with your body, or whether you are 'squeezing'."
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It's basically the equivalent of being served a sandwich made with white bread, Nutella and crushed up unicorn, with liquefied rainbow used as a relish. Then you eat this sandwich as you watch Lethal Weapon 3 on a massive flat screen with surround sound, while someone serves you beer-flavoured ice cream out of a pewter bowl.
It's like a warm, caressing mink glove that somehow has a little suction, so it clings and grips. A light back rub with oil is analogous to the sensation, but a pale imitation of sensitivity and pleasure.