When it comes to figuring out men, it sometimes pays to skip the girl talk and head straight to the source. This column is my advice on your most burning questions about guys. And since I’m gay, I’m kind of halfway inside your head already. Let’s dive in!
This week, you asked:
“I’ve slept with and dated way more guys than my new boyfriend. He’s really open with talking about exes and his “number”, but I’m scared to tell him about my past, which includes sleeping with more than 40 guys, in case he judges me for it. What should I do?”
Relationships require honesty. But they do not, in my “professional” opinion, require full disclosure.
If you want your relationship to last, then you should never lie to your partner. But it’s your right, especially when you’re in a new relationship, to keep some aspects of your past private. Your job is to figure out a way to communicates your past while effectively expressing your desire to keep some parts of it private.
A blunt line like, “I’m not keen on opening up our ex-files this early on” should do the job. You can also be a bit bolder and say, “I’ve been in many more relationships than you, so my number is higher. Let’s leave it at that, please.” That should end the conversation.
Learning to articulate your boundaries with a new partner is an important milestone to work through. Testing these types of lines out with him will help you learn a lot about your long-term compatibility.
All that said, I want to make one thing very clear. If your relationship lasts past the “new boyfriend” phase, it’s going to be difficult to keep your history a secret. It’s not impossible, but it’s also highly unlikely. He will work out, through your stories or random run-ins, that you’ve dated quite a few more people than he has.