We're looking at the last King of Australia.

Your Majesty, it's not personal.

It's not about you. 

It's not about Harry. Or Meghan. Or Diana. Or Camilla

It's not about your angry outburst at a pen, or the mean Tweets about your reddish fingers, or about the fact that even during your lifelong stint in your old job – Prince – your meals were produced by one of four personal chefs, you were dressed by one of three valets and your several homes were run by five house managers and at least two butlers. 

It's not about all that. 

It's not about the Coronation. With its fist-sized jewels, and its stone of destiny, its anointing oil pressed in Bethlehem and its robes woven from actual gold. 

It's not about the cost of this three-day party – a party that technically didn't have to happen, since you officially became King the moment your mother Queen Elizabeth II passed away – which is estimated to be £100 million, or $188 million of our Australian dollars. Culture is important. History is important. And although the cluster of crises paralysing Great Britain in 2023 could surely all be helped with a little of that money, we all know that's not where it would have ended up. So, you know, you do you. 

It's not about the fact that today, you are being declared God's representative on earth, purely based on the fact of who your mother was. That the jewel-studded orb and sceptre placed in your hands at Westminster Abbey are literal representations of the power of God, and your permission to wield it. 

Watch the Mamamia Out Loud hosts discuss all the royal things they're not allowed to. Post continues after video.


Video via Mamamia.

It's not about that. After all, you had no more control over being born the heir to the throne – and therefore Defender Of The Faith of the Anglican church – than I did being born to two teachers in Wales, Elon Musk did being born to an engineer and a model in South Africa (where many of those diamonds were "found", by the way) or Anthony Albanese (you might see him in the cheap seats, he pledged allegiance to you last week) did being born to a cleaner in Sydney. 

See, it's not personal. 

No, it's not you, it's us. 

We've been rethinking the whole idea of you being relevant to Australia, and to be honest, it's getting harder to mount a case for an English King, whoever's head wears that crown.

Australians are engaged in a complex reckoning of what it means to live in a nation built on the bloody murder of people whose lands were stolen in your family's name. Of how to justify or recognise the unimaginable, continued suffering that has caused. 

You're head of state of other nations wrestling with the same original sin, of course. You might want to check in on Canada and New Zealand.


The reckoning is not new, but as we prepare for a referendum to write the fact of invasion into our constitution, we're considering what else might need changing in there.  

You might want to offer Albanese one of the good sangers at the garden party – he's on record as saying that while not his top priority, the Republican Edit is "inevitable".

We're also a nation of immigrants, more diverse than ever, and the number of us who connect to the spectacle of this coronation and all it stands for is smaller than it has ever been.

The most recent polling found two-thirds of Australians did not agree that you reflect Australian values. Sixty per cent said they wanted an Australian as Head Of State, chosen by Australians.  

Even among those of us who grew up with the monarchy, who are conditioned to respond fondly to a Big Royal Do – crowds camping on the mall, flag-draped patriotism, luke-warm tea in thermoses, shiny carriages and slow waves – feel weird about it when there seem to be just so many other priorities. 

We enjoy engaging with the melodrama we've been watching since birth - The Kardashians have nothing on The Crown, let's be honest - but it has also demystified you all to the point of irrelevance. 

We know, for example, that the man chosen by God to wield his power on earth would have also once quite liked to have been his girlfriend's tampon. No judgement. 

And I know I said it wasn't about Harry. But he hasn't helped, has he? 

The portrait painted in Spare (and I'm not sure if you're across it, but the damned book has sold millions) of the Windsors as petty, jealous, treacherous and greedy, well, it didn't spare you, if you pardon the pun. 


Nor does the continued indulgence of your brother, Prince Andrew, who was officially chastened by your mother and narrowly avoided sex abuse charges. Or the verified report about you accepting "bags of cash" from Qatari officials. And of your former sister-in-law selling royal access to the highest bidder. Or the documents currently in court outlining a "secret settlement" in the millions of pounds with an ethically-challenged media organisation. 

None of this instils confidence in an institution which still rules 15 countries around the world and heads up the association of 54 nations. Because The Commonwealth – an organisation of mostly 'former Imperial possessions' is another thing you are Head of. 

It's a lot. And today is a big day. 

But here in Australia, we're changing. Among those aged under 25, support for the monarchy stands at less than 25 per cent. 

We're listening to voices long sidelined, and we're looking forwards to who we want to be, now. And we think we'd like to take one thing off your overcrowded plate: Us.

Congratulations, your Majesty. 

And with all due respect on a solemn occasion, we really, really hope that you, Charles Philip Arthur George Mountbatten-Windsor, Charles III, are The Last King Of Australia.

Image: Getty + Mamamia. 

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