Chelsea Handler roasts the Golden Globes host in her Critics Choice monologue.

It's time for the 29th Annual Critics Choice Awards, you know, the awards show that isn't the Golden Globes, Emmys or Oscars.

Instead, this awards night offers a more low-key affair, as Hollywood's elite converge on Santa Monica for awards voted for by print, broadcast, and digital journalists in the entertainment field.

This year's Critics Choice Awards is being hosted by comedian, television host, and best-selling author Chelsea Handler.

Handler's monologue was highly anticipated on the heels of her ex-boyfriend Jo Koy's Golden Globes monologue last week which was widely criticised. 

The most awkward part was Koy's tendency to blame his writers for failed jokes. "I wrote some of these and they're the ones you're laughing at," he said. 

Handler couldn't resist the chance to roast her ex in one bit where she joked about being attracted to older men. 

"Unfortunately, Martin Scorsese isn't here tonight, but that's not going to stop me from letting everyone know that I would toss him around like a little Italian meatball," Handler joked. 

"Thank you for laughing at that — my writers wrote it."

Will Ferrell's expression said it all.

Image: Stan. 


Chelsea also made a point of applauding Barbie, a movie that Joe said was about a "plastic doll with big boobs". 

"Greta Gerwig and Margot Robbie worked tirelessly to bring their vision of Barbie to the big screen," she said.

"Greta became the highest-grossing female director of all time."

Chelsea then took the chance to call attention to the double standards women are still facing in the entertainment industry, as she added: "Hollywood's executives are currently debating whether Greta is worth taking a second chance on."  


The comedian spent most of the speech talking about women in Hollywood. 

"This was a huge year for women," she began. "Barbie at the box office, Taylor Swift and Beyonce on their tours, Gwyneth Paltrow at that ski trial," she said, later joking: "Don't worry, men, I'll get to you eventually."  

For the men, she took aim at Leonardo DiCaprio's affinity for only dating young models. 

"This is where most comedians would make a May December joke about Leonardo DiCaprio's dating preferences but I'm not going to do that," she said, referring to the movie about a woman who groomed a teenager in high school. 

"I actually have the same affliction as Leo but in the opposite direction: I prefer my men old and hot. Men who have been around since the railway was invented. Speaking of which, Robert De Niro and Harrison Ford are here. I don't know which one of you is hotter, you're both total smoke shows," she said.

Image: Stan. 


In case her point wasn't clear, she clarified to the men, "I am hitting on you."

Eventually, Chelsea pivoted away from those Hollywood icons to another man of the moment. 

"It's time to about the horniest movies of the year: Saltburn. Barry Keoghan was horny for men, women, bath water and cemeteries. By the way, Margot Robbie produced Saltburn, you're a dirty Barbie and I like it." 

Overall, the monologue was well received. It wasn't a smash success, but it got far more laughs and a much more positive response than Jo Koy's Golden Globes opening act. 

Feature image: Stan.

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