weddings

A woman was asked to be a bridesmaid, and her response is dividing everyone.

One woman has refused to be her bridesmaid’s bridesmaid and the internet is not happy about it.

In a post on Mumsnet, the woman asked if she was being unreasonable. You see, she is a newlywed and has turned down the chance to be her bridesmaid’s bridesmaid.

Her reason? She doesn’t think married women should be bridesmaids… And she also thinks it’s just too much hassle. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

“I’m only a few months out of my own wedding and just want to enjoy being a newlywed with no damn ‘wedmin’ to deal with,” she wrote.

“Traditionally bridesmaids were unmarried women, acknowledging that married women were now onto the next chapter of their lives! I’m not saying it should have to be that way, but when did prioritising your own next chapter become wrong?”

She said she’s received negative reactions from most people in real life, but doesn’t believe she is under any obligation to be in anyone else’s wedding.

“I expect that friends will generally be happy for me when I announce that something I want is happening, but I certainly do not expect them to go bananas or be involved.”

The woman acknowledged that many will see her decision as selfish but she thought it was a reasonable choice.

“I decided to have a bridesmaid for practical purposes and I asked only what was necessary of her as I feel that being a bridesmaid is doing someone a real favour, she also got a choice in everything, which we paid for, for the same reason.

“Is this really so odd? To believe that no one is obliged to dedicate themselves to your life event unless they are literally involved (eg; your fiancé)?” she asked.

Planning a wedding? Catch up on all things weddings on Mamamia’s excellent weddings podcast Hitched. Story continues below.


Well. According to most Mumsnet commenters it’s not only odd, but rude.

“I think you are being very selfish. You were happy for your friend to support you but you are not happy to return the favour,” wrote one.

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One wrote that she was being unreasonable and unbalancing the relationship: “You acknowledge that she did you a favour being your bridesmaid, but now you are not willing to return that favour when the time comes.”

“Your friend gave up time and energy to help you plan your wedding and make it really special, and you won’t do the same for her, on any scale, without seemingly any remorse or empathy that relationships have a bit of quid pro quo in them. My best friend was my bridesmaid, and if/when she gets married and wants the favour returned then of course I will do it for her,” said another.

One commenter agreed with the general principle that their should not automatically be reciprocal bridesmaid arrangements, but said the poster just sounds like she “can’t be arsed”.

The original poster hit back to say she believed she was being unselfish in turning her friend down, because her friend deserves bridesmaids who “can commit to her wedding in the way that she wants and needs.”

On her side was one commenter who wrote that it’s not just a matter of returning the favour because it might be a much bigger favour.

“Bridesmaids are supposed to be maidens, not marrieds, and the friend has apparently already got several lined up, so the whole thing won’t go pear-shaped for the lack of one more. OP has also explained that the friend’s wedding is a much bigger do than her own, so that bridesmaiding (I just made up that word) is likely to be more complicated/demanding for this event than for her own.”

“Different brides have VERY VERY different expectations of bridesmaids. I’d happily be a low key, turn-up-for-the-day bridesmaid but would refuse to get involved if it was more a huge commitment and expense,” said another.

What do you think? Is she being unreasonable? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.

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