'Better, easier, endless orgasms.' How sex after 50 can be your best ever.

After losing her virginity at 16, and enjoying a decade of "really good" sex, Jennifer* assumed that by the time she'd reached her 30s, her best sex was behind her. Even her later 20s weren’t that great, she says.

"I didn't feel comfortable having that conversation with my partner about my needs or asking for what I wanted," Jennifer says.

"Societal expectations and norms can shape our own assumptions and expectations of our desires and needs. In my 20s and 30s there was less of a 'me too' movement and in movies and shows, females and women were overly sexualised."

Watch: Sexologist Chantelle Otten's 10 best compliments for long-term relationships. Post continues below.

She assumed things would get worse as she aged. 

But then, something happened. Sex become fun again – pleasurable, rather than the obligatory act it had sometimes felt like in the past.

"I would say around 10 years ago, I noticed there was more information in the media available and an emphasis on women deserving to have their needs met – what that looked like and how you can ask for what you want," she says.

Now 50, Jennifer is having the best sex of her life.

"I've educated myself by reading books, and websites like OMGYES have made it possible for me to move forward from past experiences."

Jennifer says age brings experience and confidence, enabling her to embrace her desires – and express them. "I’ve been able to reflect on what I want and how I am going to be satisfied."

Jennifer has a partner and says improved communication means both their sexual needs are frequently met, improving connection and intimacy. And knowing what she knows now, Jennifer says it'll only get better from here.

"I look forward to it getting better and better, and more frequent. I would encourage everyone to keep reading and exploring their sexuality and sex lives and to keep expecting better. Don’t settle for less."

The same advice applies even if you don’t have a partner. Just ask Mishel Meses, 52.

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While the former Married at First Sight star does prefer sex with an intimate partner, single-life sex for Mishel post-50 includes orgasms that are "better, easier and endless".

"Sex is more exciting now as I know exactly what gives me pleasure and I can educate my partners," she says. "With age comes confidence and… wisdom to know that things can always be better and you can try new things."

Mishel hears from plenty of mature women who say they’ve rediscovered their sexuality after a marriage breakup. But your long-term relationship doesn't have to end for you to get in on the act. If things haven't naturally ramped up for you and your partner, it's time to start talking.

"Broadening your definition of sex and focusing on your pleasure – whether that’s through experimentation, using sex toys and practise through regular sex – will ultimately lead to higher satisfaction regardless of whether you're single or in a relationship,” says Lovehoney sex and relationships expert Christine Rafe.

"As we get older we will often see attitudes change and you begin to look at your life – past and future. You also become less worried about what people think and become more self-aware – this translates into the bedroom and sexual confidence. Sometimes we get more fearless as we age, so we embrace trying new things and being more adventurous, this can be during solo or partnered play."

A sexual awakening.

As our bodies and hormones change after 50 – particularly for women – foreplay and pleasure become more important. Cue higher sex satisfaction!

"I’ve had women describe the sex after 50 as more sensual, experimental, adventurous and loving. It's more immersed and concentrated on the experience, with pleasure taking priority," says Rafe.

You also understand your body more, your likes and turn-ons, and if you can pass that information onto your partner, you’ll reap the benefits.

"Sex helps you feel connected to your partner, promotes trust and intimacy, and improves your health and wellbeing by boosting your immune system and reducing stress."

Harness your post-50 sex life.

Sex isn't just penetrative and can include anything from solo sex, foreplay and outercourse to intercourse, penetrative activity, oral or anal sex – basically, anything that brings you pleasure falls under the 'sex' umbrella.

"When having a sexual experience, concentrate on the journey and be present in the moment, focusing on what brings you pleasure rather than the 'performative' components of sex, such as erection, penetration and orgasm. Take the pressure off trying to perform and just enjoy it," says Rafe.

Rafe says making sex a regular part of your life is important, and that can be done with a partner or without.

"Both solo play or couple play releases endorphins, dopamine and oxytocin, the happy hormones boosting your mood. It also increases your libido as it reminds you how good it can feel."

For some women after 50, dryness can come into play, so remember, lube is your best friend. And sex toys are a pretty close second.

"They can be the solution to a lot of problems and likely improve your sexual satisfaction. For many vulva owners, they can’t orgasm from penetration alone and clitoral stimulation is an essential part of pleasure. They also offer variety and can be used to experiment with different feelings and sensations, like temperature play, in a controlled environment."

Most importantly, take responsibility for your own arousal. Give yourself permission to focus on your own pleasure. 

"Whether that's tapping into your fantasies and exploring role play and bondage, trying different positions, experimenting with locations and vocalising your wants and needs, the more you're enjoying it and being confident, the higher the sexual satisfaction. It will also take the pressure off your partner."

Let's talk about sex.

According to Rafe, the couples that have the best sex are the ones who talk about it.

"The more honest you are about sex with each other and the more you talk about it, the better. By being able to talk about sex with a partner, the less likely you are to fall into a place where you're both avoiding any type of intimacy, or not enjoying the sex you are having (which reduces desire to initiate future intimacy)."

If you’re not feeling all that sexual, but you want to, Rafe suggests focusing on your general health and wellness.

"Engage in activities that make you happy, bring you joy and reduce your levels of stress as stress is a huge libido killer. Once you feel ready, it's important to know that having sex also has the flow-on effect of boosting your libido, as it can remind you of how good sex feels, especially if you haven’t had it for a while."

You can also experiment with solo play, giving you a chance to figure out what you do and don't like, while enabling you to experience pleasure without the pressure.

And remember, there is no 'normal'.

"For those concerned around the frequency of sexual activity, it's important to understand there is no 'normal', and  it's about finding what works for you and your partner if you're in a relationship. If life gets chaotic and sex doesn't become a priority, that's okay. It's important to keep in perspective what sex means to each of you (and your partner), and look at other ways you can connect."

*Name has been changed.

Feature image: Getty

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