As told to Shannen Findlay.
I remember the argument clearly, and the one single question which spurred it all.
Originally, I had told myself to be open and honest. Clear and direct.
In one conversation, I would tell my partner of two and a half years that sex had become unfulfilling.
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Sure, it might be good sex, relatively speaking. But over time, one critical aspect became an option rather than a requirement: my orgasm.
So, with the belief that I would be met with some form of understanding from my partner, I asked to introduce sex toys into the bedroom.
Maybe a vibrator or massager - anything that could help me reach a climax.
His response was not only maddening, but frightening.
At first, he was.. confused. "Do you not enjoy having sex with me?" he questioned repeatedly.
It hadn't been him specifically, I clarified. I loved him. I loved having sex with him. I just wasn't... satisfied.
In the beginning, sex had been exciting and pleasure had gone both ways. He could make me tingle with a single touch. It felt good to be loved by him.
The touching, oral sex and all efforts to make me orgasm stopped slowly. So slow, I didn't realise the magnitude of that loss until it was much too late.
It really was as if a switch had been flipped off inside of him. His eyes glazed over while he would be inside of me. The kissing was rough and sloppy - unlike how gentle it had been for the first year and a half of our relationship.
He still did things, but it felt as if they were all to get him off. A slap on my butt felt unkind in a way I didn't consent to. Pinching my nipples or my thighs had become painful rather than orgasmic.