reality tv

"It's 100 per cent fair and necessary." Abbie Chatfield on naming and shaming her trolls.

The last time Mamamia spoke to Abbie Chatfield, The Bachelor finalist was dealing with the harsh fall-out of her appearance on the reality show.

After the show’s finale aired, with Bachelor Matt Agnew choosing Chelsie McLeod, the vitriol and abuse against the 24-year-old Brisbane woman escalated from harsh negative comments and slut-shaming to violent death threats.

“When you’re getting 200 messages telling you to kill yourself, you feel like your entire world is negative,” Abbie told Mamamia’s daily entertainment podcast, The Spill, at the time.

The Bachelor’s Abbie talks about the darkest moments of her public shaming on Mamamia’s daily podcast The Spill. Post continues below.

“It makes you scared to go outside, I didn’t want to go out for a drink in a bar until last weekend when the show was done airing.”

Now, one year on from the filming of the reality show, the spotlight on Abbie Chatfield hasn’t dimmed.

Thankfully, however, the trolls have quietened down.

“I still have remnants from when I was mercilessly bullied online, and I still think sometimes when people get photos with me it’s to laugh at me but it has definitely improved,” Abbie told Mamamia.

“I have worked really hard on letting people see the real me and being vulnerable and open to try and humanise myself beyond the character that was on screens,” she added.

“I feel like where I am now, compared to where I was six months ago during airing, is a completely different person mentally.”

Although the trolling has largely subsided since the show wrapped up, Abbie still receives at least one troll message per day. In fact, she often saves the messages – which often come from the same trolls – and keeps them in a Google Drive.

Abbie isn’t opposed to naming and shaming her trolls on social media either.

Watch the first trailer for the 2020 season of Bachelor in Paradise below. Post continues after video.

“Naming and shaming is 100 per cent fair and, in my opinion, necessary,” Abbie told Mamamia.

ADVERTISEMENT

“I see it as the only tool I currently have at my disposal to prevent further bullying. Trolls do not listen to reason, so to out them is to at least show people what I receive on a regular basis, and takes the benefit of anonymity away from the troll,” she continued.

“I have no interest in protecting people who feel the need to message anyone deplorable things.

“These messages 100 per cent lead to mental health issues, which can, in turn, lead to suicidal thoughts and suicide itself. It is not something I take lightly.”

Since The Bachelor wrapped up, dating hasn’t exactly been easy for the reality TV star.

While the 24-year-old had a relationship with fellow Bachelor alum Todd King, dates with other men often involve being asked dozens of questions about her time on the reality show.

“I’m sorry but I don’t want to talk to you about Osher Günsberg’s hair,” Abbie recalled, adding “Sorry, Osher”.

Now, Abbie is heading to Fiji for Bachelor in Paradise alongside fellow former contestants Timm Hanley, Ciarran Stott and Brittany Hockley to name a few.

abbie
Image: Instagram / @abbiechatfield

As her appearance on the show was announced on Thursday night, Abbie posted on Instagram, reminding her followers that reality TV contestants are real people who read comments about themselves.

During her time on The Bachelor, Abbie was vilified merely for her sexual confidence.

Not only were the other women on the show seemingly offended by Abbie’s confidence, but even more so were the viewers.

During her time on her show, the Brisbane woman was critiqued for wearing a bikini, for the way she kissed Matt, and even for the clothes she wore.

ADVERTISEMENT

Now, every Tuesday, Abbie discusses taboo topics – like sex and female masturbation – with her 130,000+ strong Instagram following.

On 'Tea Tuesdays', Abbie asks her followers questions like, 'What's the dumbest thing a man has ever said to you?' and 'What is something that no one knows about you?"

Along the way, however, some of the responses have been surprising.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by ABBIE CHATFIELD (@abbiechatfield) on

"A lot of people were responding to questions saying things like, ‘I fake orgasms’ or ‘No one knows that I masturbate’. It actually blows my mind," Abbie told Mamamia.

"People obviously still feel a lot of shame around sex," she added.

"I’ve even had women in their late 20s and 30s messaging me saying, ‘I’m 32 and no one knows that I masturbate’ or ‘I fake orgasms with my boyfriend’."

It's these responses that have led Abbie to reflect on how women are educated about sex.

"We evidently have really poor sex education," she said.

"I had a pretty standard sex education but a lot of young women don’t feel like they have the power to own their sexuality and they’re kind of ashamed about it because of how we’re conditioned to feel about our sexuality," she added.

"[Talking about sex] has always been a norm for me. I think it’s actually the main reason why I have such a good sex life because I talk about it and I’m open about it."

In the next few years, Abbie plans to become a certified sex coach. It's an area she's been interested in career-wise for a few years now.

ADVERTISEMENT

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by ABBIE CHATFIELD (@abbiechatfield) on


"When we were on The Bachelor, Dr Nikki Goldstein was on the show and I was literally fangirling over her. I got so excited because all I wanted to do [at the time] was become a sexologist," she recalled.

Until then, however, Abbie hopes her new podcast, It's A Lot, will help people feel "less isolated" and "like it's less taboo" to talk about topics like sex, relationships, masturbation and more.

"Every week, I’m going to have someone different on. A lot of the time it will be friends or it might be an expert," Abbie said.

"The kind of premise of it is to feel like you’re having a wine with your girlfriends. I’m very lucky to have a great group of girlfriends and we hang out and we have really great conversations about really serious things or even taboo topics.

"I didn’t realise until I was on The Bachelor that speaking about things like masturbation or vulvas was so taboo. People were so surprised that I was talking about stuff like that. I want people to feel like it's less taboo."

It’s A Lot launched on Tuesday March 10, with weekly episodes dropping thereafter. You can find It's A Lot on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

Feature Image: Instagram / @abbiechatfield

For more on this topic:


Sign up for the "Mamamia Daily" newsletter. Get across the stories women are talking about today.


00:00 / ???