Mamamia recaps The Bachelors: YOU CAN'T JUST BRING YOUR BOYFRIEND ONTO THE SHOW.

We open on the women urging Jess to get ready for her date. Which is weird, because she had a single date with Felix yesterday. 

"I am really looking forward to this date today," Jess tells us. "I'm actually feeling really excited to finally get some one-on-one time with him without anyone else's opinions and perspectives."

Um, hello? Have you already forgotten your basketball date where you did the High School Musical dance and then afterwards went back to the Bach Pad where Felix revealed the most astonishing fact that he had never made a cup of tea?

Wait a minute... who is this man you're kissing? That's not Felix.

Nice to meet you, Damien. We've heard A LOT about you.

And aha, Channel 10 is doing that whole "24 hours earlier" thing again, like they did that time when Jasmine and that other woman whose name I forget because she left yesterday got into a tiff at the rose ceremony. I mean, we'll allow it, Channel 10, but I reckon twice is the limit, OK? 

Anyway, so, it's 24 hours earlier, and Felix and Thomas are walking along the beach, having a D&M. Felix says he is finding out the reason he hasn't been in a proper relationship for so long.

"I think now I'm starting to realise that it's not them, it's me," he says. 

YES, FELIX. IT IS DEFINITELY YOU.

He tells us he has grown emotionally, and something something something blah blah blah. Look, I'm not gonna lie, I am still in the ick phase with Felix and I'm not sure I can get out. I hope he has grown, because that's great, but I'll believe it when I see it.

Back at the Bach Mansion, the women are excited for the group date announcement. Osher invites three girls from each bachelor's group on a date they "won't forget". Tilly - who has sucked face with Felix three times - really, really, really wants to go on the date. Of course, that means her name is NOT called and she is super sad about it.

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Osher tells the women their best friends will be joining them, which causes general mayhem as the ladies dance and scream with glee. Except for Jess, who looks, well, a bit constipated. 

Because of course her best friend is Damien. Which means Felix and Damien will come face-to-face. This means there will be DRAMA! We drama-deprived souls are ready.

Over on the group date, all the best friends come out of the woodwork. The first question they ask is: Who are you dating?

Cat lady Abigail's friend is very impressed she is dating tall hunk Felix. Ah, if only you've seen what we've seen, friend of cat lady Abigail.

The friend of a woman whose name is Angela - I don't think I've ever seen Angela before, have I? - has firm opinions on Jed, it seems.

Ah, friend of Angela. Wait until you watch the show... 

Just like many of us, he has made an assumption on Jed based on his looks. Hopefully, he'll see that Jed is a nice guy with a lot of depth to him.

The talk of the town is Jess's open relationship, and back at the Bach Mansion they're talking about how hot Damien must be because Jess described him as "silver fox". The picture they have in their heads is "half George Clooney". Krystal asks if he can be brought back to the house.

At that very moment, silver fox Damien is in a lift on his way to the group date. He licks his fingers to smooth out his eyebrows, like we all do.

Last-minute eyebrow prep.

After all the avengers best friends have assembled, the bachelors arrive. In what is perhaps the most awkward meeting on television, Felix and Damien shake hands with Jess between them... literally.

This is what it means when people say "grin and bear it".

"This is gonna be interesting," Damien tells Jess. Yes, it is, Damien. Yes, it is.

At the communal lunch table, Felix is coincidentally placed opposite Damien - this is in no way planned by the producers - and the awkwardness continues. Actually, it expands outwards because the women who are dating Felix, and the best friends who've come to see them, can't get involved in the conversation unless they also start talking about the Felix/Jess/Damien situation. And everyone else at the table can't help staring and listening in.

Damien says that at the end of the day, he wants Jess to choose him. Felix tells him he wishes he could be as open to the idea of polyamory as he is, which Damien rightfully points out he is actually already doing - because Felix is currently dating seven women. Felix asks Jess what would happen if they were in a relationship together; would that mean that they would be each other's only sexual partners? To which Jess provides a long-winded answer about her being a sexual being and spicing up the bedroom, which ultimately seems to mean... no. 

Felix dashes off to the bar for... reinforcements.

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Then Felix and Damien sit down for a private conversation, where Damien confesses his deep love for Jess. While Felix actually handles everything well and Damien seems to be perfectly fine, if I'm being honest this whole scenario is taking up way too much of the show for me at the moment. 

Thankfully, Jed saves the day by bringing his band along and playing a pretty catchy tune. 

Bless you, Jed.

That night, Felix invites Jess over to the Bach Pad for a CUP OF TEA. He's a pro at making them now.

He and Jess have their umpteenth conversation about Damien, love, relationships, the future, emotions, breakups, and life. It's exhausting. 

Where's Jed and his band when you need them?

The next day, Thomas asks Jasmine out on a single date. This annoys a woman called Lauren who has apparently been here this whole time.

Hello, Lauren!

Damien - our fourth Bachelor - calls to ask Jess out on a date to have a "conscious conversation". Dear god. This is more painful than the eye-gazing exercise.

As Jess heads out for her conscious conversation, Krystal says what we have all been thinking. "I don't feel like Felix and Jess would work long term." She might be mathematically challenged but Krystal sure does not mince words.

Naomi tells us the love triangle is time consuming for Felix and that it will get to a point where it becomes too much. That point is NOW, Naomi.

Anyhoo, Felix calls to ask Krystal on a lunch date. Tilly promptly has a mini meltdown.

What is my life.

"Kill me now. I'm out," she says. "I'm f**king out."

I hope she doesn't mean that literally because we already lost three people yesterday. The pool of women is already considerably smaller than it was.

On their single date, Thomas and Jasmine go for a walk in nature and then have a picnic. Did you notice that all the dates are kind of low-key? None of those helicopter rides they used to have in the old Bachelor.

The pair talk about physical touch and how much they love sex and kissing. Which they proceed to do - the kissing, not the sex.

Then we're back at the beginning of the episode with Jess and Damien. They kiss before sitting down for a "conscious conversation". This involves Damien telling Jess he really likes Felix and Jess wondering about Felix's emotional intelligence, considering she had to teach him about the five love languages the other night. They discuss the options available to them. They tell each other, "I love you."

It goes on forever. I am falling asleep writing this recap. Are you falling asleep reading it?

WELL, WAKE UP! BECAUSE IT'S ROSE CEREMONY TIME AND JESSICA IS MISSING!

Bring on the drama.

Oh, wait, there she is. 

You got us good, Channel 10 producers.

One woman will be leaving tonight, and of course it comes down to Jessica and Zara. Felix chooses Jessica, which means the torture continues. Groan.

Osher does that thing when someone is leaving where he sounds like the person has died and he is announcing it to their family. "I'm sorry but you did not receive a rose. Your time here has come to an end. You can take a moment now to say goodbye."

The promo for tomorrow night looks promising, with Tilly getting on everyone's nerves because she keeps stealing Felix away and kissing him.

But the most exciting thing is that HIGH-HEELS TASH WHO WAS ENGAGED TO A BACHELOR IS BACK!

We missed you, Tash. Please stay and bring more drama.

UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT.

The Bachelors Australia continues 7.30pm tomorrow, followed by Sunday on 10 and 10 Play. 

Feature Image: Network 10.

Read previous The Bachelors recaps below.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 5: NO. All the drama just walked out the door.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 4: THIS IS THE MOMENT WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 3: One woman's secret leads to total carnage.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 2: SOMEBODY NEEDS TO STOP FELIX.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelors episode 1: One Bachelor is BRUTALLY rejected on the first date.