Tall men are so 2023. I'm talking about you, Jacob Elordi.
Sure, you're so handsome that I cry sometimes just thinking of the sculpted shapes of your face.
Yes, your Princess Diana-coded fashion is so delightfully unexpected that I've designed my dream man around you.
And most importantly, your commanding height looms so large that I often imagine you carrying me on your back like a protective mother possum.
But enough is enough. Height is actually overrated.
There's something more exciting coming. There's something sexier.
There's something that will draw your eyeline a few inches down.
The reign of short kings has begun. Just look at this year's Golden Globes, an awards show that Elordi suspiciously snubbed.
Short men are at the top of their game. Beginning with The Bear star Jeremy Allen White, who at a noble 5'7 has just won his second Golden Globe for 'Best Actor in a Television Comedy'.
Notably, he beat out other popular picks Bill Hader (6'1) and Jason Segel (6'4) to claim the prize.
This followed White breaking the internet (and my zoom key) by debuting his outrageously horny campaign for Calvin Klein.