For every single “ooh”-worthy picture from the royal wedding, break your finger clicking on this epic wedding-picture post.
It’s okay. You can stop pretending you don’t care now.
In approximately three days, when Meg and Haz – now officially the Duke and Duchess of Sussex – nick off on honeymoon and stop smiling at intrusive cameras, you can officially go back to being a true-blue republican. You can shake off the oppressive need to know more than anyone needs to about the family tree of a Hollywood actress and the dietary choices of proposing royals.
But tonight. Tonight, this is a judgement-free space – a place where petty things like cost, inequality and Nazi-dress-up parties are but an irrelevance. It’s time to roll with the royal wedding…
Stage 1: Arrivals lounge.
Oprah is there, people. Oprah. That’s it. We can all go home. This recap is prematurely irrelevant. She’s wearing a straw hat and Idris Edra. It’s over.
We’d heard that the Queen was coming four minutes before the Bride. Obviously not.