A new seating plan and awkward silences: Mamamia recaps the royals' uncomfortable Christmas lunch.


Well, well.

The royals just had their Christmas lunch and considering the year they’ve had, we imagine it was as enjoyable as a root canal.

The family gathered at Buckingham Palace for tea and turkey and caught up on what each other had been up to over the past year, like trying (and failing) to distance themselves from a convicted paedophile in a train wreck interview, telling their mother to cut off their brother following said interview, and having their wedding planning overshadowed by this whole thing.


Wondering what actually happens at a royal Christmas? Post continues below video.

Video via Mamamia

The royals arrived at Buckingham Palace in a procession of fancy black cars. Some – like Kate Middleton – waved at passersby and others – like Prince Andrew – … did not.

What goes on inside is technically private, so there’s no official photographs or media. But, we believe we know how it went.

And it’s… not good.

Right off the bat, the usual seating arrangement had to be rearranged, you see.

Prince Andrew, long believed to be the Queen’s ‘favourite’, had to be moved from next to his mother to another table, far, far away from his older brother Charles.


Charles was thrilled. When he’s king, Christmas lunch will be him, Camilla and his sons eating roast potatoes and whatever leg of ham was on sale at Aldi.

Mamamia Out Loud discusses Prince Andrew’s horrifically bad BBC interview. Post continues below audio.

Once seated, the royal family began with an easy topic of conversation. Everyone loves small talk.

“It’s a bit chilly, isn’t it?” someone exclaimed from an outlying table.

“We live in London,” Princess Anne replied.

Ah, we see. So that’s the tone of the afternoon.

In an attempt to liven up the room, Princess Eugenie nudged her sister.

There’s an upcoming royal wedding! That’s an uncontroversial topic, right?

Everyone loves weddings. Especially royal ones with fancy public processions and live television coverage.


That’s all been scrapped, actually. There’s a lot going on at the moment.

But it’s all good, Beatrice insisted.

It’s all good.


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Everyone sort of just... nodded.

Thankfully, palace staff arrived at that moment and for the next 20 minutes, everyone was more than happy to just... chew.

Until Prince George spied an opportunity.

Seated between his parents Kate and William to limit Wills chance of accidentally placing his hand on his wife's shoulder again, George, aged six and on his way to becoming the monarchy's greatest asset, stirred the pot by asking his great uncle why he heard his dad call him a bad word.

Kate chewed quicker. Princess Anne nearly dropped her fork. William gave his son a stern look.

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"Did I put my foot in it? Woops." Image: Getty.

Andrew didn't respond to the young prince's query, though he did start sweating because sweating is a thing he can do now.

Pleased with himself, George turned to another topic he knew would make the adults squirm.

"Where's Uncle Harry?" he asked.


For much of the dinner, Kate and youngest son Prince Louis ignored the disaster going on around them and discussed their love of The Great British Bake Off.

"Mary Berry," Louis said, pointing towards the Queen.

"No, no, Louis, that's grandma," Kate quickly responded, trying to cover her youngest son's mouth.

"Mary," he repeated.

The Queen's brow had been furrowed from the moment everyone arrived, but somehow at that moment, it furrowed more.

As dessert was brought out, Princess Anne wouldn't stop talking about her new best friends Justin Trudeau and Emmanuel Macron, whom she shared some spicy gossip with at the recent NATO summit.

"And then, Justin told me I was his favourite," she said, fluttering her eyelids. She'd actually invited him to the lunch, but he had to (politely) decline because he had to run Canada, or something.


The Queen, who at 93 officially gives less and less f*cks by the second, looked around at her family. Then she necked a whisky, got up from the table and left the room.

She had a Christmas Day message to write and somehow, she had to make everything seem... fine.

"IT'S SO FINE." Image: Getty.

Merry Christmas, indeed.

Feature images: Getty.