It’s left me feeling like my dreams won’t materialise because of my desire to have children, and the undeniable sense of urgency in finding an eligible sperm donor radiating off those around me.
I’ve never been in a relationship, nor have I begun to explore my sexuality. Yet I feel like there’s little margin for exploration or error if I want to have kids.
Watch letters to my teenage self. Post continues after video.
At most, I feel like I’m only allowed to have one dud relationship before I swiftly entrap 'Mr Right', buy a house, pop out a kid, then descend into a possibly miserable life of monotonous monogamy.
More still, it’s not just my romantic dreams that are beginning to feel like a nightmare and an expensive divorce waiting to happen. My hopes for my career, for intellectual growth are beginning to feel… unrealistic.
There was this blissful, but brief period towards the end of high school where it felt like the world was truly mine. I was about to get out. I was about to experience total freedom. Spread my wings and fly. To university, to new places, into new people’s lives, and then, like a bird hitting an electricity pole - I crashed back down to the ground. Reality sank in. I want to be an artist, a writer, a reader, a creator, but (perhaps to my detriment) I don’t just want to create content - I want to create… little people, and creating people means money. Money that I'm unlikely to catch a glimpse of if I become a creative.