'For years, I was ashamed of my vulva. Here's what I want you to know.'

When I was 12, I would avoid wearing tight jeans and shorts because everyone could see the outline of my vulva. 

I was told it was shameful and unladylike.  

At 14, I wanted a labiaplasty to shorten my labia. I thought it was abnormal because it stuck out.

When I was 16, I overheard the boys at school making derogatory comments about other vulvas that seemed to have a similar appearance to mine. 

At 18, a sexual partner told me my vulva was weird and disturbing to look at. He told me my bits "hung out". What he was referring to was my labia. 

When I was 20, the mainstream porn industry led me to believe that pubic hair was disgusting, unfeminine and made you unattractive. 

Watch: How to improve your daughter's body image. Post continues after video. 

So what did I do? I removed every inch of body hair that covered my vulva out of fear of being rejected by an intimate partner.  

At 21, I got a quote for a labiaplasty. I even went as far as scheduling an appointment.  

Growing up, I heard nothing positive about vulvas. But what I heard was only from kids at school and these conversations were always derogatory and harmful to ears like mine.

I spent my adolescent years searching the web, desperately trying to find images of vulvas that were similar to mine to ease my insecurities and give me a sense of normalcy.

But Google searches only disappointed and confused me more.

I only ever came across a handful of vulvas represented in the media and these vulvas were always perfectly symmetrical, hairless, bump-free, neat, and small. 

Not an accurate representation of what my vulva looked like.  

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When I started to become sexually active In my early 20s, I was made to feel ashamed of my vulva's shape and size by several sexual partners.

Ultimately, it turned me off from being physically intimate with anyone moving forward out of fear and embarrassment of being rejected for a part of myself I couldn’t control.

I spent my teen years and into my early 20s feeling insecure about my vulva and was forever worrying about the length of my inner labia and the black pubic hair that grew past my bikini line. As well as hyper-fixating on my weight as a young adult, I was fixated on my vulva. 

Read more: These are 50 photos of what women’s vulvas actually look like.

It was a body insecurity I never heard spoken about. Because of this, I felt alone in my thoughts and insecurities. I was left feeling ashamed, defeated and very alone. 

It wasn’t until I was 22 years old and searching the internet desperate to find a vulva like mine that I came across The Vulva Gallery. 

It showcased a range of different vulvas. I shed a tear that night and a smile spread across my face as I scrolled through images of all sorts of vulvas.

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My screen was full of vulvas of all shapes and sizes. I scrolled through images with various complexions, pubic hair colours and textures and unique quirks. I read people's stories and learnt that many people have struggled with vulva insecurity throughout their life. 

Much like myself, they have considered undergoing surgery to alter the appearance of their labia or clitoral hood. For the first time in my life, I felt normal and learnt that there’s not one ‘perfect’ vulva. 

I spent decades feeling as if mine was wrong and feeling alone in my vulva insecurities, but now I know that there’s no ‘right’ way for a vulva to look.

Just like every other bit of our bodies, vulvas are diverse – and that diversity deserves to be celebrated.

Feeling insecure about our vulvas is something I’m sure many of us can relate to but it is important we understand that each vulva looks different and that diversity should be embraced, not shamed. Whether you have dangly labia, puffy labia or tucked-in labia – you are perfectly normal.

Listen to this episode of Her with Sophia Cachia. Post continues after audio. 

It's okay if your labia minora sticks out past your labia majora, like mine does, or if your inner labia is more tucked in. It’s normal for your vulva to be asymmetrical, darker in some parts or have a prominent clitoral hood.

It’s common for your vulva to be asymmetrical. Oh, and pubic hair? It comes in various textures and colours!

Your vulva isn’t ugly, abnormal or in need of ‘fixing’. It is unique, different, beautiful, and normal.

So be sure to celebrate what you have and remember there is not one ‘perfect’ vulva – each is unique and worthy of being seen and represented.

Isabella Davis is a digital content creator and self-love hype queen who encourages women to appreciate and embrace their bodies. For more from Bella, follow her on Instagram here.

Feature Image: Instagram @isabelladavis6.