'My wife gave birth. I secretly let my mum meet the baby before hers.'

The ideal family is hard to come by, and sometimes even the ones we do choose still aren't what we hoped for. 

Especially when we enter a new relationship. We envision a peaceful, harmonious connection when it comes to our in-laws but sometimes, for whatever reason, that isn't always the case. 

Enter: Reddit. A land of boundless problems, unhelpful advice and a whole lotta complaining... Which is why it's our favourite late-night app to scroll.

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Last weekend, a post went viral on the platform after a concerned husband asked the Reddit Forum "Am I The A**hole?" (they usually are, friends) if he was in the wrong after an argument with his wife. 

The 23-year-old man, whose 25-year-old partner had just given birth to their newborn daughter, wrote about an argument that involved his own mother.

"My wife and I got married last year, and just over a week ago, we became parents to a beautiful little girl. She comes from a single-parent family and was raised without any siblings by her mother," he began, before adding he gets along well with his mother-in-law and their tight-knit family.

"I, on the other hand, come from a large family, with five siblings, and both my parents raised me. My mother absolutely adores children and loves having them around. Every grandchild she has, she treats like her own," he continued. "However, my mother and my wife don't get along very well. They are respectful in each other's presence, but they don't have a strong connection. My wife made it clear that she didn't want my mother to visit us in the hospital, which I understood, given my mother's enthusiasm, especially with new grandchildren."


While the original poster felt it was only fair his wife's request was respected, things got sticky right after the birth of their child.

"The delivery was painful and had several complications, lasting over 40 hours. My wife was exhausted afterwards and was given medication to help her sleep. She was deeply asleep. During this time, I received a text from my mother, who lives nearby, asking how it went and if she could visit," he wrote. 

Guys, he agreed. 

"But I suggested we meet in the hospital's visiting area since my wife was resting," he continued. "I took my daughter, met up with my mother, and they stayed for about 30 minutes before leaving.

"When I returned to the room with my daughter, my wife had woken up and asked where we had been. I explained, and she fell silent. Last night, her mother arrived after travelling a considerable distance."

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An argument soon erupted between the pair, with his wife accusing him of being "inconsiderate" for "allowing my mother to [meet] our daughter first."

"She wanted her mother to be the first to see our child and didn't want my mother to visit in the hospital. I found this unreasonable, as I had ensured my mother didn't meet my wife. The argument got heated, and although we made up, tensions still linger."

The post was swiftly removed... after 6,300 comments from angry readers weighed in. 


"The biggest issue I have though is you agreed and you didn’t respect your wife," one comment read, which thousands of other Redditors agreed with. "The first chance you got you broke her trust, didn’t respect her boundaries and then got mad at her when she called you out on it. That makes you the Asshole and if your mother did know about your wife decision then she is too."

While the general consensus yelled from the banners, "Yes! You are absolutely an a**hole," not everyone agreed. 

"Your wife is the a**hole. It's your baby too. She didn't disturb your sleeping wife or stay long. It's her grandchild too," one person wrote. "I completely understand her not visiting your wife's room but stopping by for a few minutes while she sleeps seems perfectly normal."

Another said, "You are both the parents of that child and can choose who gets to see them. You didn't expect your wife to meet with her so there are no a**holes here."

While we don't get to hear the new mother's side, it was pretty clear her relationship with her mother-in-law is fractured. Unfortunately, that's a normal situation. 

In a study by the University of Cambridge from 2009, it was found that at least two-thirds of daughters-in-law expressed the belief that their partner's mother is guilty of "unreasonably jealous maternal love".

Psychologist Dr Terri Apter, who conducted the study,  said that about half the women described the mother-in-law and daughter-relationship as "hostile" or "difficult" with more than half of older women feeling "tense, uneasy and uncomfortable" with their daughter-in-law.

In any case, it looks like we won't get to hear from either the original poster or his wife, since the post has been taken down. But... here's to hoping!

Feature Image: Getty.

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