We open on the Real Slim Shady trying to show interest in his new wife Coco, asking what she's making for breakfast.
Suddenly, the genre turns from reality television to horror, as Coco dishes out spoonfuls of hummus onto toast and look we don't make the rules but that's a fckn weird choice.
Even though three couples got married last night, expert Alessandra intends on matching more which feels almost like gambling when you're already in debt.
First up is Alana who John Aiken introduces as: "A school teacher BUT she has quite a personality."
WOT. A SCHOOL TEACHER WITH A PERSONALITY? WELL WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT.
Alana explains she has to dress like a "nun," adding, "outside of school, I'm really comfortable with my sexuality". She goes on to make it explicitly clear that she loves pleasure from sex, and that the feeling she gets from sex is a good feeling, and look we just don't think your school principal is going to be comfortable with you talking about this on national television, but play on.
In an interview with producers, Alana is superimposed into a classroom that we can only assume is fake because there is no school campus in this fine nation that would allow Married at First Sight to be filmed there.
"I have kids all day around me," she says, crying, "but I want some of my own..." and such a valid point because parents do get really possessive when you try and take their kids to live in your house with you full time.